


I Will Anchor You

by lullys



Series: Anchor Verse [1]
Category: CW Network RPF, Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Cruise Ship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-10
Updated: 2015-12-26
Packaged: 2018-04-06 09:40:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 43,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4216827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lullys/pseuds/lullys
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jared Padalecki enjoys his life, he does. He currently subtitles porn movies for a living, but as a writer, the plan is to publish his own books someday. Apart from that, he is married to Tom, who is the love of his life or so Jared is convinced. But Jared's life comes crashing down when Tom announces that he's leaving him, with little to no explanation. Soon after, Jared finds out that his now ex-husband has a brand new boyfriend and they're going on a cruise to Italy together. So Jared, with the help of his two loyal friends, decides to board the same ship so he can try to win his husband back.</p><p>It seems like a perfect plan, but Jared isn't counting on meeting Jensen, a gorgeous guy with the greenest eyes and the friendliest smile on board. And he can't explain why this stranger gets under his skin or why he starts to make Jared question everything he's always believed. Jared soon starts to find out what true love could actually mean, but there’s one small detail standing in the way: Jared is pretty sure Jensen is straight.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

 

** **

 

Chad smirks knowingly as he hears sex sounds coming from Jared’s room.  He was heading for the kitchen, cause man he’s starving, but he just can’t help his feet from heading straight towards Jared’s room instead.  He doesn’t even bother with the closed door, shuffles right in and flops down next to Jared, who’s working diligently on his laptop.

“Hey Chad, whats up?” Jared offers without even looking away from his computer screen. “Help me out with something--how can I translate ‘Espanhola’? Is there even a word for that?”

Chad leans closer to the screen to get a better look at it. “What exactly is a Espan... oh. That’s nice. Yeah man.”

Jared throws a pillow at him. “Shut up, Murray!”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Uh, nice tits!” Chad mumbles, without taking his eyes off the screen.

Jared laughs and shakes his head at his porno engrossed friend.  

“So anyway, what time are you picking up Tom?” Chad says, breaking his trance of the activities on the screen.

“Well, his plane lands at 7pm, so I should leave pretty soon.”

“Maybe you should wash that sex stink off of you first homie!” Chad pinches his nose and scrunches his face with feigned disgust.  

“Shut up!” Jared spits as he jokingly hits Chad in the arm and watches as he falls to the floor dramatically.  

“Make me asshole.”

“Better be careful what you wish for, Chaddy Poo.”

Chad rolls his eyes and gets up to leave Jared’s room.

"Bring back dinner, I want pizza with extra pepperoni.” Chad sings with his hand on the doorknob.

Chad waits a few seconds and clears his throat with annoyance that his request is met with silence.

Jared finally spins around in his desk chair and takes in Chad’s cocked eyebrow.

“Please?” Chad offers with a bottom lip that is worthy of an oscar.

“Anything else, Princess?”

Chad just rolls his eyes and closes the door behind him, narrowly escaping another one of Jared’s flying pillows.

 

 

Jared showers and changes before heading to the airport. He puts on one of Tom’s favorite shirts and smiles at his reflection.  He wants to look his best for Tom, who has been away for two weeks, in Chicago, for work. It hasn’t been their longest time apart, but Jared always feels like it’s longer than it really is. It’s crazy how much he misses his husband.   

With Tom away, he’s been stuck with Chad, who invited himself to spend ‘a few days’ with him and Tom in their spare bedroom, while he supposedly looks for a new place.  And somehow, that turned into two months.  Not that he minds though.  Chad can be a tad too much sometimes, but he’s his best friend and Jared actually enjoys having him around, especially while Tom gone.  

Chad also willing helps Jared with his job, which is subtitling porn movies.  It’s not the most glorified job, but it gets him by for now.  What he really wants to do with his life, is to be a published writer.  Jared dreams of a day when his books are on bookstore shelves all around the world. But until then, he needs to earn some money and thanks to the Portuguese classes he took in college, he subtitles porn movies and it gets him by. He’s not nearly as successful as Tom, who is even a bit famous due to his thriving company, but he manages just fine.

When Jared arrives at the JFK airport, he checks the arrivals board and sees that the flight coming in from Chicago has just landed. He goes over to the Starbucks and picks up two coffees, because he knows Tom will definitely need one whenever he shows up.

When Jared finally spots his husband, he waves at him and smiles.  Tom weaves his way through a flood of people and finally makes his way to Jared, who pulls him into a hug and breathes in the scent of the man he has been missing ever since dropping him off at the airport two weeks ago.

“I’ve missed you, Tommy.”

Tom waits a couple of beats to answer. “Yeah, missed you too, Jare.”

They pull away from each other and Tom goes fetch his suitcase from the baggage claim.  After a short wait, they head for the parking lot and find Jared’s car.  Jared throws Tom’s luggage in the trunk of his car and then they’re headed home.

“So, how was the marketing conference?” Jared puts a hand on Tom’s thigh and doesn’t miss the forced half-smile that Tom gives him in return.

“It was nice. Got some new good clients for the company, so it was worth it.”

They don’t talk much more during the car ride home, and Jared can’t help the growing knot in his stomach from tightening with anxiety.  He can’t quell the feeling that Tom is distant.  He’s always been pretty sensitive and he knows something just isn’t right. They hit rush hour traffic as they pass through Valley Stream and Jared wants to break the tension, but he decides to give Tom some space instead.  Maybe he’s just tired from the flight.  At least that’s what Jared chooses to tell himself over and over again, with every mile they painstakingly crawl, the entire way home.  

When they get to the apartment, Tom puts his baggage on the floor and heads to the kitchen.  Jared follows him like a shadow and before Tom can even open the fridge, he puts a hand on his husband shoulder.

“Hey.”

Tom turns to face Jared, but avoids making eye contact.

“Babe, what’s wrong?” Jared questions, while gently squeezing Tom’s shoulder. “You’ve been acting weird ever since you arrived.”

Tom steps back and opens the fridge so he can get a beer.

“It’s nothing Jare, really.”

Tom tries to open the fridge again, but Jared holds it shut.  He huffs loudly with annoyance and turns to spin on his heels in an attempt to leave the kitchen, but Jared puts a hand on the counter next to the fridge, to prevent him from walking away.

“Babe, I’ve known you for five years, I know when something is bothering you.  Did something happen in Chicago?”

Tom leans on the counter and takes a deep breath.  “No, nothing happened there.”

Jared gets closer to him and runs a hand along his arm.  “You can tell me anything, babe, doesn’t matter what it is.  I’m your partner and I love you, and I’m here for you, you know that.”

Tom turns to face Jared and their eyes meet for the first time.  They stand like this for a few minutes, as though Tom is trying to physically tell Jared something, but Jared just isn’t comprehending it.   

“Jared, I… I did a lot of thinking during this trip.  To be honest,  it’s something I’ve been considering for a while.”  Tom finally admits.

Jared’s skin crawls and his throat closes, “Okay…”

Tom takes a deep breath. “I--I just think it’s better if we go our separate ways, Jared.”

Jared freezes where he stands, the words that just left Tom’s mouth too absurd to make sense.  “You--what?!”

Tom steps away from him.  “Look, Jared… you’re a great guy and I appreciate what we’ve had together, but I just can’t do this anymore.  This isn’t working for me and I’m not happy.  I haven’t been for awhile.”

Jared tries to reach for Tom, but stops himself halfway through it.  There are tears pricking the back of his eyes and he forces himself to say something – anything, because this can’t be happening.

“But I…I thought you… that us… what about everything we built together Tom?  How can you say that you’re leaving me, just like that?  We’re talking about five years here Tom, not five days!”  Tears are running down Jared’s face now and he can’t help it.

“I know Jared and I’m sorry.  I wish I could say something else, but I can’t.  I just can’t do this anymore.”

“Tom, don’t--please.”

Jared tries reaching out for Tom again, but Tom is already heading out of the kitchen and going straight for his suitcase that still sits in their entry way.  Tom grabs it and turns around to face Jared.  And all Jared can do is curl his arms around his torso, wanting nothing more than to fit himself right in that suitcase, so Tom can’t leave him behind like he’s nothing.  

“Look, you can keep the apartment… it’s half yours anyway and you only moved here because of me, it’s the least I can do.  I’ll go to a hotel tonight and have someone to pick up my stuff later.”  Tom’s voice is cold and uncaring.  Almost like this is just a business transaction and nothing more.

Jared leans on the door frame to the kitchen.  “I don’t give a shit about the apartment, Tom.   I just want you.”

Tom’s hand is already white knuckling the front door, his body arching towards freedom.  It’s like Jared is the plague and he can’t get away fast enough.

“I’m sorry Jared.”  Tom’s eyes soften slightly as he says it.

And just like that, he is gone.  Jared flinches as the door slams loudly behind Tom and he is left with nothing but a heart full of questions, the stupid apartment that they shared together, and the ghost of all that could’ve been--but now will never be.

 

 

Chad wakes up and finds Jared sitting on the couch, staring blankly at the black screen of the tv.

“Hey man, where’s Tom?  I was taking a shower but I thought I heard your voices? Where’s the pizza?”

Nothing.

“Earth to Jared?”

Still nothing.

Chad crouches down in front of Jared and waves a hand in front of him.  “JARED! What the fuck man??”

Jared finally wakes up from his trance.  “What, Chad?”

“I’m the one who needs to ask!  What is happening man, you look like someone killed your puppy!  And where the fuck is Tom?”

Jared flinches when Chad mentions his husband.  Or...ex-husband now. God.  “He… he’s gone Chad.”

Chad sits beside him on the couch.  “What do you mean, he’s gone?? Gone to get us pizza?

Jared gets up and walks to the window, staring absently outside.  “He left me. Just like that.  He said it was over, he couldn’t do this anymore and he’s gone.  Just like that.”

“That asshole! I can’t believe he did that, I knew I never liked this dude, can I punch him??”

Jared just turns his head and lowers his eyes.

“I’m sorry, I promise I’ll try to be more sensitive.” Chad adds.

“It’s okay Chad, really, just…”

The doorbell rings, and Jared turns around quickly, but Chad gets to the door first and gives Jared an apologetic look before answering it.  “Sorry Jared, he was already on his way.”

Stephen is at the door and on full blast.

“What’s up dudes??”  He doesn’t wait for an invitation to come inside.  “Ready to go, Chaddy?”

Chad looks nervously at Jared and back at Stephen.  “You know what Steve… can I have a raincheck?  Our buddy Jay-man over here is not doing so good tonight and I guess I’m gonna stick around here.”

That’s when Stephen notices the expression on Jared’s face and immediately switches into on full serious mode.

“What happened Jared?  And where’s Tom, I thought he was coming back today?”

Jared decides he _really_ doesn’t want to talk about it anymore.

“Here’s the thing. Tom is gone.  For good, and he isn’t coming back.  And to be honest, I don’t want to talk about it, because he literally _just_ left.  Okay?”

Stephen is quiet for a second while the words sink in.  “Oh shit Jared.  That really sucks man… but look, I’m actually glad I came.  How about you go out with me and Chaddy here?  It will do you good!”

“You know what Steph, I really don’t think I’m in the mood to go out tonight.  Like I told you, he just left.  As in, literally a half an hour ago.”

Stephen steps closer and puts a hand on Jared’s shoulder.  “Man, I know it’s hard.  But you have two options here, Jare, you can either stay here and mope around all night about your ex.  Or you can go out with your two best buddies over here, who love you and will do everything they can to cheer you up.  Plus, there’ll be plenty of liquor involved, so I can’t see why there’s even a decision to be made here, honestly.”

Jared considers sending his friend to hell for a moment, but then he thinks--maybe Stephen is right.  All he’s gonna do if he stays in, is cry about Tom leaving him and everything they had together and all the plans for the future that are now wasted.  Maybe he could really use a little bit of fun tonight.  And there’s most definitely a bottle of tequila with his name on it somewhere.  What an excellent idea, actually.

“Lemme grab my jacket.”

Chad and Stephen yell together.  “That’s our Jay-man!!”


	2. Chapter 2

****   


 

A month goes by like molasses dripping down a tree.  And every day, Jared finds himself spinning into an even deeper and more dire depression than the previous day.

It’s a random Tuesday afternoon and Jared is laying on the couch with gross hair, wearing three day old clothes, and watching an endless bout of reruns of America’s Next Top Model on the tv in front of him.  It’s a distraction, and it works mostly.  He has no issues with letting his iris’ burn into the back of his head with every episode he gets sucked into.  But there are still the commercial breaks and those five minute gaps, feel like forever.

Jared thinks about the night Tom left, plays it over and over in his head.  He tries to dissect every moment and see if there was ever any hope to begin with.  And everytime, he comes back to that look that Tom had on his face before he closed the door.  It was so final and the weight of that finality still clings to the bottom of Jared’s stomach like a weight.

Yes, he had fun that first night when he went out with his friends.  It had a lot to do with the amount he drank and he partied like there was no tomorrow.  But, tequila only lasts so long and reality was a lot harsher in the morning.

Tom, who was his true love, had left him.  He was gone and it was for good.  And it was only further cemented by the sight of a few of Tom’s friends, who had come the very next day, to collect Tom’s things.

But he’s surviving. He’s working more than ever, and he has Chad and Stephen, which helps, too.  Even if his friends can be a little bit too immature at times, they really know how to step up and help a friend in need.  And it’s because of them that he knows he’ll be okay in the end.  He’s just gotta take it one day at a time.

 

 

Jared and Chad are playing Mario Kart on Jared’s Nintendo Wii and having a few beers after dinner, when Stephen arrives with his iPad in hand.

“What’s up my bitches!” Stephen grabs a beer for himself and sits next to Jared. “Jay my man, I have some news for you and I have this feeling you won’t be thrilled to hear it.”

Chad turns off the game at Stephen’s words and Jared sits up straighter, both of them eager to hear the news.

“What happened, Steve? Is it about Tom?”  Jared anxiously asks and he immediately hates himself for how desperate he sounds.

Stephen hesitates before answering.  “You know, the thing is… I was surfing the web earlier, and Chrome just opened this gossip website out of nowhere.  I really don’t know how it happened by the way, I guess I should have my iPad checked for virus’...”

Jared waves his hand in front of Stephen.  “Amell, just cut to the chase, please!”

“Yeah, yeah, sorry.  So the thing is, there’s an article about Tom on the site.  Here, you should see it.”  He hands the iPad to Jared.

Jared lets his eyes adjust the screen and feels his heart constrict when he immediately lands on the headline of the article:

_Tom Welling, CEO of his own marketing company ‘W’, is set to sail to Italy with new boyfriend, New York real estate mogul, Mike Rosenbaum._

Jared can’t say anything, he feels like he’s falling down and there’s no ground in sight.  He gets up, throws the tablet on the couch, and feels his feet desperately grasp for the ground beneath him, as he flees in a panic to his room.  He hears Chad and Stephen calling his name behind him, but he can’t bring himself to care.

Jared sits on the edge of his bed and buries his face in his hands.  He cannot believe what he just read, it must be some kind of sick joke, it just can’t be real.  Tom was his husband, his husband...until a month ago.  Everything was fine, or so Jared had thought, until Tom dumped him out of the blue.  And now Tom is going on a cruise with his new _boyfriend_?  Since when does Tom have a new boyfriend??  And it must be serious, since they have plans to go on a cruise by themselves.

Jared feels a bubble of hysteria form in his chest, feels it work its way out of his mouth in incredulous laughter.  Tom is taking time off from his beloved job, for mister New Guy.  It was always like pulling teeth out when Jared asked him to take time off.  Tom always made it seem impossible, even for just a simple getaway weekend.  It always seemed like too much of Tom.  But now, Tom is taking time off for a guy he barely knows.  The hypocrisy in just that alone, blows Jared’s mind.   

Jared doesn’t know how long he stays there, reeling over the headline from that article.  Doesn’t know how deep he’s gotten into Pity Party Land, until he hears a knock on his door and Chad’s concerned voice.  “Jared… can we come in?  We’re worried about you.”

Jared runs a hand over his face and realizes there are tears running down his cheeks.  He hadn’t even realized he started crying; his body too numb to feel anything.  It’s like he’s filled up from head to toe in jello.  But he manages to clear the lump in his throat to answer Chad.  “Yeah… yeah, come on in.”

Chad enters Jared’s room and Stephen is close behind.  They’re both wearing matching looks of sorrow on their faces.  Great, two more casualties to add to his jaunt through Pity Party Land.  They both sit on each side of Jared, but are weary about giving him some space to let it all sink in.

Stephen speaks first. “I’m sorry I had to tell you that, Jare… I feel terrible, really.”

Jared manages to give him a half smile, but he knows that it probably looks more like a grimace.  “No Steve, you don’t need to apologize.  If it wasn’t through you, I would have found out sooner or later anyway.  I just…” He takes a deep breath before he continues.  “I just don’t get it.  I thought we were happy, that we were the perfect couple.  We had it all planned out.  Well, at least I had.  And then all of the sudden he leaves and now he’s going on a cruise to Italy with his new guy?  Just like that?”

“Jared…” Chad starts, but Jared cuts him off.

“Is it because he’s successful?  This Mike guy?  Do you think they met on that business trip, or that he’s one of Tom’s clients or something?  I guess he dumped me for him because I’m a nobody who writes fucking porn subtitles for a living.”

Stephen puts a hand on his shoulder. “Jare, this is ridiculous.”

Jared turns to look at Stephen.  “Maybe, maybe not.  I thought I knew Tom, but now I’m not so sure.”

Jared gets up from the bed and moves to stand by the window.  He takes a moment before speaking again.  “You know what guys, I’m really thankful for your help, I really am.  I know you’re here for me whenever I need, but now I really need some time by myself.  I’ll be fine, I promise.”

Chad and Stephen share hesitant looks with each other, before turning to look pleadingly at Jared.  And he can tell that neither one of his buddies truly believe him, but they both huff out sighs as they exit the room and allow Jared the space that he needs.

 

 

Jared spends two days moping around the house, or more specifically, his room.  He hisses at the sun as it tries to peek its head through his window and he pulls his blankets over his head.  He just can’t find the strength to do anything, because it all makes him think about Tom.  And when he thinks of Tom, he just goes down the same road of why’s and it always ends with him turning over and wishing himself into nonexistence.

If it wasn’t for Chad, he’d never remember to eat.  And by the general distaste on Chad’s face, he can tell he smells like shit.  But that’s what he feels like, so he writes it off as fitting.  Unless Chad is willing to bathe him, Jared just can’t see himself getting into the shower anytime soon or much less caring about what he smells like at all.

A couple more days pass and Chad is coming back from from his job-of-the-week, when he finds Jared sitting alone at the table.  He gives Jared a surprised look, but doesn’t push his luck.  He just grabs himself a beer and joins Jared.

“My god Jay-man, look at you, it looks like you got hit by a truck.”

Jared scoffs at him.  “Thanks. You sure do know how to make a guy feel better, Chad.”

Chad just stares at him.  “Jared please, how long has it been since you changed clothes??  Dude I love you, but enough is enough.”

Jared waves him off.  “Yeah, yeah, whatever.  I’ll go shower later, I promise.  But  I... I need to tell you something I just realized, first.”

“That you can get mold on some parts of your body, if you go without showering for too long?”

“Shut up you idiot, I’m serious.  So, here’s the thing… I had a sign.  Tom is going on that cruise with his new _boyfriend_.”  Jared says, while dramatically gagging into the back of his hand.   “But, the thing is, that cruise is a dream of Tom and I’s!”

Chad cuts Jared off.  “It was your dream.  It’s not anymore, it’s over Jared! What you really need is to wake up and get into the fucking shower,  for Christ’s sake!”

Jared goes on as if he wasn’t interrupted.

“I feel like I’ve wasted five years of my life, translating porn while I could have finished my book.  But no, I decided to focus on Tom instead and look where that got me.  No Tom, and I’m definitely no closer to getting my book published!  I have nothing to show for myself.  Nothing.  And to top it all off, I just found out that Tom is going to live out a dream that we had together, with whatever-his-name-is!”

“Jared, this really is a sign.  A sign that you need to move the fuck on!  Tom sure as hell has, now it’s your turn man!”

“No Chad.  I decided I’m gonna try to get Tom back.  This can’t end like this.  It just can’t.  You may say I have no self-respect but I don’t give a fuck.  I love him and I’m doing this.”

“You’re crazy Jared.  You really are.  How are you even planning on achieving that?”

Jared just shrugs.  “Easy.  I’m going to go on the same cruise that they are.”

Chad nearly spits out the beer that he’s drinking.  “Are you out of your mind Jared??  Do you not love yourself at all??”

“I don’t care Chad, I just have to do this, I have absolutely nothing to lose.  I have some money saved, and I’ll get the cheapest ticket or whatever.  It’ll be fine.”  Jared rattles on.  “Oh, by the way, you’re going with me.”

“I’m sorry, what did you say??”

“I need you there with me, Chaddy!  Please… I can’t do this alone.”  Jared tries on his best puppy dog look, but Chad is having none of it.

“Jared you’re crazy!! I’m not gonna spend... what... two weeks locked up on a ship? No fucking way!” Chad shouts.

“With... about a thousand chicks.”

“I’m… I’m going only because I love you man.”  Chad corrects himself, patting Jared happily on the shoulder.

Jared smiles at Chad.  “It’s settled then.”

“Ok, now go shower or I’m definitely _not_ going.”

Jared lifts his arm and pretends to pass out from the stench.

“Don’t make me drag your ass in there!”  Chad jokingly threatens.

“Alright, alright...I’m going.”

And just like that, it’s settled.

Jared sighs with relief as he gets up from the table and heads to the bathroom.   And he can’t lie and say that he doesn’t walk with an extra bounce in his step.  Because for the first time in more than a month, he feels his heart fill with hope.  

 

 

Turns out, Stephen invites himself to go with them on the cruise after Chad tells him about Jared’s plan.  Because, in Chad’s words, ‘there’s no way he’s gonna miss out on this one’.  Jared tries to argue but in the end, it’s pointless.

Five days later, they’ve got their tickets and are all somehow packed and ready to go.  It takes Stephen and Jared’s help to get Chad out the door, because he wasn’t sure which shirts he should bring.  In his words, ‘he needs to look good for the ladies’.  And thirty minutes later, after much pushing, Chad somehow manages to leave with twice the luggage that Jared and Stephen have.

They take a train from Valley Stream to Bayonne, and then head to the port where the ship sails from.  When they get to the boarding area, it’s very crowded and Jared tries to hide as much as possible.  He’s weary of his surroundings and prays to whatever deity that reigns supreme, that Tom will not spot him getting onto the ship.

“This is ridiculous Padalecki, I hope you’re aware of that.”  Stephen complains as he adjusts the sunglasses on his face.

Before they left the apartment, Jared decided he didn’t want Tom to know that he was on the ship, too.  At least, not initially.  Jared wanted to feel it out and find the perfect moment to make his grand entrance.  So, he somehow convinced Chad and Stephen that they all needed to disguise themselves as much as possible.

And so, here they stand, at the foot of the ship, all wearing ‘completely not suspicious’ sunglasses.  Chad and Stephen opted for baseball caps, to cover their mops and Jared is wearing a beanie with his hair carefully tucked inside.

“I hope he doesn’t see me.  Oh God... this place is so crowded, I seriously hope he doesn’t see me.” Jared mutters to himself, more than to his friends.  He is walking with his head down and trying to minimize how noticeably tall he is.

Jared turns to look at Chad and notices he isn’t around anymore.  And by the time Jared spots him, he’s got a mouthful of not-so-pretty words ready to pelt at his friend.  Chad, of course, is busy talking to a pretty girl a few feet behind Stephen and him.  Jared spins on his heels and is two steps in Chad’s direction, when he trips on someone else’s backpack.  Jared falls loudly onto the wooden dock, his foot still snagged in the backpack strap, causing all of the contents inside of it to scatter all around him.

Jared can feel his cheeks flushing bright, apple red as he rights himself and immediately starts gathering the items he spilled from the backpack.  He spots a Playboy and a Penthouse magazine, amongst other things and it only deepens the shade of red that is now permanently staining his cheeks.

Once everything is back in the bag, he gets up and hurriedly hands the backpack to the man who is now standing in front of him.  He’s mid-sentence into a truly pathetic apology for being so ridiculously clumsy, when his eyes look up and take in the stranger's face for the first time.

Jared is caught breathless, as he takes in the greenest eyes he’s ever seen.  Green eyes, that are framed by obscenely long lashes; it’s like looking at an art masterpiece.   Mr. Backpack also has dirty blond hair and a beautifully tanned canvas of freckle dusted skin.  The guy looks like a greek god.  It’s insane how good looking he is.

Mr. Backpack looks down at said bag and back up at Jared, who is still pushing the backpack against his chest.  Jared follows the guys eyes, down to his hands and he comes back to reality at lightning speed.  He realizes how big of an idiot he has made of himself and his heart races with humiliation as he clumsily removes his hands from Mr. Backpack’s backpack.  Jared tries to say something, but it comes out like a babbling brook of words.  So he laughs nervously and somehow manages a meek ‘sorry’, before turning around and speed walking away with the heat of embarrassment on the back of his neck.

Jared makes it back to where Chad and Stephen are waiting and can’t help himself from looking back over his shoulder, to the guy he just made a fool of himself in front of.  Jared is surprised to see Mr. Backpack, the greek god of a guy, hugging a girl really tight.  And Jared is even more surprised when he see’s the guy kissing the girl’s temple.

Okay, so according to all the information Jared has collected on Mr. Backpack in just this short amount of time, he can definitely say that he’s absolutely straight and clearly not playing on Jared’s team.  Not that Jared cares one bit. Because he totally doesn’t. After all, he’s here on a mission to win back his husband.  And that’s the only reason he’s here in the first place.  With that, Jared looks away and focuses on the moving line in front of him.

A few minutes later, they board the ship and are all completely amazed with the greatness of it.  Jared has never been on a cruise before and he takes a moment to take it all in.  Everything is gorgeous and he can’t help but hope that when the ship reaches her destination, that he’ll be touring Italy with Tom.

The ship is leaving the harbor as the boys head towards their accommodations.  When they get to their corridor, they see all of their suitcases lined up in front of their respective rooms.  And Jared can’t help but notice the large blue one with a funny pattern on it, a few doors down from them.  It’s the one that Tom bought two years ago, when they went on a vacation to California.  

Stephen notices the sigh that escapes Jared’s mouth and can’t help himself from kicking it over onto the floor.

“What are you, twelve?”  Jared questions.

But before Stephen can answer, they hear voices down the hall and Jared immediately recognizes one of them.

Tom is talking and laughing with what Jared would guess, is his new boyfriend.  Jared feels a swell of bitterness in his chest, but the voices are getting closer and he’s forced to forget about it when a sense of panic falls over all of them.  In an instant, they’re all scrambling for their rooms and hastily swiping their key cards.  Stephen and Chad get theirs to work first and are behind the door of their shared room, as Jared still frantically slides his key.  

The happy couple turns the corner and is headed down the hall towards Jared when the green light finally illuminates.  It’s all Jared can do, to open the door and fling himself inside of it and close the door behind him.  There’s a door that adjoins his room with Chad and Stephen’s, but for this second, Jared is glad to have his own space.

Jared listens as Tom laughs at something Mike says as they’re passing by his room.  He listens as they both laugh together further down the hall.  And he listens as the door clicks behind them, when they’re safely inside their own room.

Clutching his stomach, Jared slides down with his back to the door and comes to sit.  He pulls his knees up to his chest and rests his chin on his knees.  He takes a few deep breaths and wishes the wave of nausea away.  This is all too much.  Hearing Tom’s voice and Mike’s?  Hearing how happy they are together and how real their relationship is, makes Jared doubt his plan for the first time since he came up with it.

Maybe Chad was right, maybe he is crazy.  Perhaps coming here was the dumbest idea he’s ever had.

Jared stays by the door for a few minutes, before somehow managing to crawl himself over to the bed.  He lays on his back and stares at the ceiling, trying to ignore the whines of exhaustion from his body.  It’s only been barely one day and he’s already bone tired.

The last thing he remembers, before drifting off to sleep, is the sound of Tom’s ‘happy without him’ voice and the feeling of a single tear running down his cheek.


	3. Chapter 3

****   


 

The cruise is a lot of fun.  There are tons of people and a lot of things happening all at the same time.  And while everyone is busy with the ship’s different activities, Jared remains laser-focused at the task in front of him--to get Tom back.

Jared continues his charade of illusion around the ship, trying to mask himself as cleverly as possible, so Tom won’t know he’s there.  And Chad and Stephen have begrudgingly agreed to lay it low for the first couple of days.

It’s the first morning on the ship and Jared is laying poolside with a magazine pulled up closely to his face.  To the people around him, it probably looks like he’s almost blind and that’s just fine with him.  At least Tom won’t know it’s him.  

Jared is busy side eyeing the activity to his left, when he senses a large shadow cast over him.  He looks up and sees Stephen and Chad standing in front of him, both of them with their hands behind their backs.  Jared sits up to get a better look at what they’re hiding, but can’t see anything.

“Ok, what are you both up to?”

Chad puts a hand on his chest and pretends to be offended.  “How dare you think something so awful about us!  We’re just two guys who care about you, Padalecki!!!  I’m so offended.”

Jared just stares at Chad, clearly not buying what his friend is saying.  “Spill it, Murray.”

Stephen is the one who talks.  “So my buddy, we know how you want to hide from Tom and stuff, so we got you some things at the gift shop that might help.”

Chad and Stephen both show their presents at the same time and yell in unison,  “TA DAAAAA!!”

Stephen is holding a long blond wig and Chad has glasses with a big nose and a mustache attached to it.

“Now Tom will never know you’re here!”  Stephen spits, trying to contain his laughter.

The boys make a big scene as they try to put the glasses and wig on Jared.  And before Jared can get away, he’s getting jabbed in the eye by the end of the glasses and getting a mouthful of fake hair.  Jared grabs for both items and rips them out of his friends hands, before throwing them at his friends backs as they flee away from him laughing.

“Idiots...”  Jared grumbles to himself, but can’t fight the corners of his mouth from  turning up.

He’s still chuckling to himself, when Tom and Mike suddenly come into view.  They’re holding hands and looking annoyingly happy.  Jared adjusts his sunglasses and cap, and hides behind his magazine to watch them.  They jump in the pool and start fooling around, splashing water on each other, kissing and swimming.  It’s disgusting, really.  Jared watches from afar how Tom looks at Mike, with nothing but pure adoration in his eyes.  And Jared swallows the growing lump in his throat, because Tom once looked at him like that.

Jared gets up hastily, folding his magazine under his arm and makes his getaway from the pool.   He just couldn’t sit there and watch anymore of that, without losing his cool and it’s too soon for Tom to be privy of him being there.  So, he heads toward a quieter part of the deck, and leans on the ship rail to watch the sea.

He’s fine for a while, but the rocking of the ship starts to turn his stomach upside down.  The motion is something he’s not used to and it feels like his stomach is suddenly desperate to jump out of his mouth.  He barely manages to take his sunglasses off and shove them in his pocket, before grabbing the rail tightly in his hands and leaning over to puke his guts out.

Just as he’s about to go for a second round of vomiting, he feels someone grabbing his hair and moving it away from his face.   For a second he is thanking Chad in the back of his head, because only he would be here in a moment like this.  But then Chad moves to rub circles on his back and that’s when Jared feels his skin crawl, because that is definitely not Chad-like.  Yea, Chad would definitely grab Jared’s hair, but soothing I’m-sorry-you’re-puking circles on his back--no.

“It’s okay, just let it all out, you’ll feel better.”  The voice is deep and foreign and it continues to mumble encouraging words to him.

Jared desperately tries to get his nausea under control and takes a few deep breaths to will his stomach back down to where it belongs. When he’s sure nothing else will come out, he runs a hand over his face and finally turns to look at the stranger helping him.

And of course, it’s Mr. Backpack.

The same incredible green eyes he saw yesterday, stare back at him.  And he thinks maybe he’ll throw up again, because this is the second time in barely two days that he’s made a fool out of himself in front of this guy.  ‘Strike two’, Jared thinks sarcastically.

Mr. Backpack offers him an understanding smile and Jared can feel himself flushing, because this greek god of a stranger just saw him puking his guts out.  And, to top it off, Mr. Backpack--’The Greek God’ was holding his hair while he was at it.  This immediately goes on Jared’s ‘Top Five Most Embarrassing Moments’ at record speed.  And if you look closely, there is yesterday, on the same fucking list.  Jared can’t even find the words that are stuck in the back of his throat.

“Are you feeling better?” Mr. Backpack asks, grabbing Jared’s shoulder and offering a squeeze.

Jared clears his throat.  “Y… yeah, I...I’m fine…”

But that couldn’t be further from the true.  Jared wants nothing more than to dig a hole and hide there forever.  But if he did that, he would probably sink the ship, and he doesn’t need the next ‘Titanic’ on his head.  He thinks about maybe jumping into the sea and dying by freezing to death, because it couldn’t be _that_ bad.  But then again, Jack froze to death, because Rose couldn’t share the fucking door.  So, Jared rules that option out, too.

Jared then does the only thing he can muster, he mutters in what some may call an alien language, “Sorry...gotta go!” And then proceeds to make his second getaway from Mr. Backpack in less than 24 hours.  Jared thinks that he should win a world record for the most embarrassing person on the face of the planet. God, he is a fucking idiot.

Jared can’t help himself from looking over his shoulder as he flees, and to his surprise Green-Eyed Backpack Owner is still looking at him with an unreadable expression cast across his features.  Jared curses himself again, because the guy must wonder what planet Jared fell from and how it's even possible that he functions on a daily basis.

 

 

Jared returns to his room, washes his face and brushes his teeth.  He’s still feeling a little dizzy and also embarrassed for what just happened, so he just lies on his bed and closes his eyes.

This mornings events have already been too much for just one day.  Seeing Tom having a great time with Mike, feeling seasick and vomiting into the ocean, and the cherry on top, having someone like Mr. Backpack help you while you’re puking your guts up.  If Jared could just evaporate from this bed and disappear from the face of the earth, he wouldn’t argue too much.

Jared stays in his room for the rest of the day, trying to quell his sloshing tummy and the headache that was brought on from all of the mornings excitement.  Chad and Stephen come sniff him out, pout by his door and try everything to get him up and out.  But eventually they give up and call Jared a stick in the mud and Jared just tells them to have fun without him.  But not too much fun.  And to be weary of where Tom is at, as to not blow their cover.

The boys leave him alone after that and Jared celebrates by buying the most expensive dessert on the room service menu and perusing through the lame pay-per-view channels that the ship offers.   Somewhere between the fourth bite of the double chocolate lava cake that tastes like it was baked in Heaven itself and 30 minutes into his movie, he falls asleep.

He wakes up the next day with a resolve to get exactly what he came here for.  His husband.  Maybe it was the cake from the night before, or some kind of divine intervention, but he promises himself to stop visiting Pity Party Land and to actually get off his ass and be the man that Tom deserves to have.

Jared knocks on the locked door between his and Chad and Stephen’s room.  And when Chad opens the door, Jared doesn’t even wait for him to say anything.  He just enters the room and sits on Chad’s unmade bed.

“Okay guys, time to set this plan in motion!”

Stephen grumbles on the other bed.  “What the fuck Padalecki, go back to your fucking room and let us rest!!!  We were actually out doing stuff last night!”

Jared throws a pillow at him.  “You can sleep when you get home.”

Stephen grabs Jared’s tossed pillow and buries his head underneath it.  He also manages to give Jared the bird, before he moans his discontent into the pillow.  Jared just tosses another pillow and continues speaking.

“So, here’s the thing… I have a plan.  And it’s to make Tom realize Mike isn’t good for him.”

Chad sits next to him on the bed.  “Oh my God, okay let’s hear it.”

At Chad’s curiosity, Stephen gives up sleeping and sits up on his bed to listen to Jared.

“Okay guys, you know how Tom is a very discreet guy?  How he hates things like, when someone causes a scene and stuff like that?  What I’m gonna do, is have Mike freak out, so Tom can see he’s not _that_ perfect.”

“Ok, so how exactly are you gonna do that?”  Chad raises his eyebrow in a question.

“I’ve done some research last night about this Mike guy, and apparently he likes to dress up real nice.  Expensive clothes, name brand shoes, the works.  So, I’m gonna find a way to get into their room and get rid of all of his clothes.  And I think it’s safe to say, he’s gonna get really pissed.”  Jared grins evilly and waits for one of the guys to say something.

Stephen speaks first.

“Jared, you do realize how ridiculous and childish that is right?  That it’s something a ten year old would do.”

Jared looks at both of his friends and feels a little embarrassed.  But only a little. “Ugh… yea...but...”

Chad smiles at him and it’s the same shit eating grin that Jared is wearing.  “Good, so let’s get this plan into action!”

 

 

They wait until lunchtime to do it.  Jared tells Chad to stay in the hallway in case Tom and Mike come back.  He puts his phone in his pocket and tells him to call if that’s the case.

Getting into their room is the hard part, but Jared thinks fastly on his feet and comes up with a remedy.  Since Tom’s room is closer to Jared’s, he decides to go out onto his balcony and climb over the railing and slowly make his way to Tom’s balcony.  Stephen gives him a nervous look, but Jared just clucks like a chicken in response.

Jared is the first one to go, with Stephen trailing slowly behind him.  Jared has to remind himself at least a hundred times to not look down, but he keeps moving.  He also tries to shake the feeling of stupidity from his bones, because he could fall into the water and die like poor Jack.  And of course, Stephen would be Rose and only be concerned with saving himself.  But Jared quickly wills that thought from his mind, as he’s already halfway towards Tom’s balcony and he can’t help himself from thinking, ‘Jack ain’t got shit on me.’

When he finally climbs over the railing of Tom’s balcony, Jared sighs a breath of relief and quickly turns around to help Stephen over. He also makes sure to call Chad and remind him to keep his eyes open and not just on the girls that are passing by, to which Chad rolls his eyes and sarcastically tells Jared to go shove a pineapple up his ass.

Once further into the room, Jared makes his way for Tom and Mike’s closet and deciphers which clothes are his husband’s and which ones belong to Mr. Homewrecker.  Jared picks out all of Mr. Get The Fuck Out Of My Life’s clothes and carries them in his arms back over to the balcony.  Stephen follows closely next to Jared with a suitcase that has random items inside of it. Jared looks at the suitcase and tells Stephen that it’s not Tom’s and Stephen responds by throwing it over the balcony without a second thought.  And Jared can’t help but laugh at the sight as he joins Stephen at the edge of the balcony and tosses over the clothes that are in his arms.  It’s childish.  But Jared just can’t help himself from relishing in the moment.

Once there are no more of Mike’s clothes left, they go back to Jared’s room through the same way they made it in.  It’s virtually untraceable.  And Jared can’t help but smile the entire way back to his room, because he can’t wait for Mike’s reaction.

Chad joins them back in their room and they wait until they hear Tom and Mike’s voices coming down in the hallway.  When they’re all sure that Tom and Mike are in their room, they venture out and stand by their door.  To Jared’s delight, Mike is yelling and cursing up a storm.  Tom tries to settle Mike down, but it’s followed by a loud crash as something like a lamp is being broken.  And it’s all Jared can do, to help from busting out laughing right there in the hallway.

A few more minutes go by and the three of them make their way back into their room and they celebrate the success of Jared’s plan with a few beers out on Jared’s balcony.

Later that day, the three of them are sitting at a table on the deck, close to the pool.  They’re having some drinks (wearing their usual caps, beanies and sunglasses) and wondering what’s going on with Tom and Mike.  Maybe Tom is pissed at Mike or they’re arguing in their room, or-- And just as Jared is letting his imagination go, Tom and Mike suddenly come into view and ruin Jared’s daydream.  They’re holding hands and carrying large bags from one of the expensive stores on the ship, most likely containing new clothes for Mike.  When they pass by their table, Tom whispers something in Mike’s ear and they both laugh as they walk away towards their room.

Jared, Chad and Stephen stay silent for a moment, frozen on their spots.  Stephen manages to speak first.

“So Jare… what’s Plan B?”

 

 

Jared is in his room, sitting on his bed and mulling over today’s events.  Chad and Stephen made a detour to the bar after dinner,  but he really wasn’t in the mood so he just came back to his room.  He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t bummed, because his (lame) plan didn’t work and Tom and Mike are still going strong.  Jared sighs and looks around his quiet room.  Suddenly he needs air, needs it to think and try and come up with a new plan to break up Tom and Mike.

Jared gets up and leaves his room, craving a walk.  Avoiding crowds, he slips around in the shadows, as to not be seen, and somehow finds himself in the same spot he was at yesterday.  He traces the railing and finds a spot where he leans against it and stares at the black nothing all around him.

A few minutes pass and he somehow starts to question himself and what he’s doing here again. He can feel himself veering a hard left to Pity Party Land, the most exciting place in the world, when he feels the presence of someone next to him.  Jared looks in the direction of the disturbance, with a trace of annoyance crawling up the back of his throat.  But then he sees those familiar green eyes staring back at him, almost hauntingly beautiful in the low light.

“Hey…”  Mr. Backpack offers with a sincere smile.

Jared feels himself flushing and moves his gaze to the ground.  “H-hey…”

Of course he has to stutter, because he’s that lame.

“Do you mind?”  Mr. Backpack questions, pointing at the rail next to Jared.

And before Jared can even answer, Mr. Backpack has made himself comfortable right next to Jared.  There’s something electric about them just standing here next to each other, with barely an arm's length between them. It only takes a few seconds of quiet, before Jared feels his nerves fire up and it has him babbling immediately.

“Look, I’m sorry about yesterday, I really am. I have just never been on a ship before and maybe I ate something bad.  You really didn’t need to help me, that was a very unpleasant thing to see and I…”

Jared stops talking when the man places a hand on his shoulder and cuts him off.

“Hey, hey.  It’s okay, really.  It happens.  You got sea sick, that’s all, you’re not the first one.  I’m glad I could help.”

Jared manages to give him a half smile.  “Thank you.  I mean thank you for helping me yesterday, I ran away before I got the chance to say anything.”

Mr. Backpack smiles. “Not a problem at all, you’re welcome.”  He offers his hand. “By the way, I’m Jensen.  Jensen Ackles.”

And just like that, the air of mystery that is Mr. Backpack, is gone.  In it’s place, is the most gorgeous name Jared has ever heard. It sounds important or special in the most unique way and Jared smiles for that.

Jared takes Jensen’s hand and shakes it. “Nice to meet you, Jensen Jensen Ackles.  I’m Jared  Jared Padalecki.”

Jensen laughs, and Jared finds out he likes that sound a lot.  Jensen’s even prettier when he laughs or smiles, and Jared can’t help but gawking at how that just isn’t fair.  He’s still thinking about the next thing to say when Jensen speaks first.

“So Jared, your first time huh? How are you enjoying the cruise so far?  Are you here with someone?”

Jared pales for a second, he’s about to say he is here with Tom, but shuts up at the last second. He’s very much _not_ here with Tom. And of course, he manages to stutter.

“I… I am here wi-with a couple friends of mine.  We decided to do something different for once, you know… going on an adventure.”  He wants to tell Jensen about Tom, he really does, but he decides not to.  At least not for now.  And Jared laughs, because it’s dumb to think they’ll ever talk again after tonight.  But he continues anyway, trying to take the attention off of him for the moment.  “What about you, Jensen?  Who are you travelling with?  Your wife?  Is this your honeymoon or something?”

Jensen chuckles.  “No… no wife, no.”  He pauses for a second, as if considering if he should say something or not.  “I’m here by myself, just needed some time to think about things.”

Jared nods, because he can relate.  He’s been doing a lot of thinking here himself.  And just like that, they find themselves in a comfortable silence.  They quietly watch people walking by. Watching couples sneak off to their rooms, watching young single people stagger drunkenly back to the bar.

Jared comes back to himself and realizes that he finds himself appreciating Jensen’s presence.  They just met (officially) and it feels like they’ve known each other for a long time.  He’s actually surprised at how easy it is between them and Jared can’t help but think it’s because of how calm Jensen is. And Jared immediately finds himself hoping this isn’t the last time they see each other on the ship.  Hopes that maybe they can exchange numbers and keep in touch after it docks in Italy. There’s just something about Jensen, that tells Jared he’d make a great friend, or so Jared thinks.  

Jensen’s voice brings him back from his musings.  “So Jared, where are you from?”

“I’m originally from San Antonio, Texas.  My folks are still down there.  But I’m currently living in Valley Stream, New York.”  Jared keeps the part that he moved there because Tom got a job offer 3 years ago out, but doesn’t think more of it because Jensen is beaming at him.

“No way dude, I’m from Texas too! Dallas boy myself.” Jensen pats his own chest, feeling proud.

Jared smiles back at him.  “That’s awesome dude, it’s always awesome to meet a fellow Texan.  But you need to tell me you enjoy a good steak, otherwise I may have to leave now.”

Jensen laughs.  “Don’t worry man, I love me a good steak!  As it should be!  And hey, we live kinda close now as well.  I’m up in Port Washington, guess it’s a half an hour drive or so to Valley Stream…”

“Yeah, it’s not far away at all, been there myself some time ago with… a friend.”

Jared stops himself before saying Tom, because the more he talks to Jensen, the less he wants to bring Tom up in their conversation.  Tom and him drove to Port Washington last year to visit a friend of Tom’s, but he doesn’t want to get into details, so he doesn’t elaborate.  Jensen doesn’t seem to notice his discomfort though, as he changes the subject as though nothing happened.

“That’s great! And what do you do for a living?”

Jared answers quietly.  “I’m a… writer.”

“Really? What do you write?  Any published books?”

Jared blushes.  He shouldn’t be ashamed of his work.  He isn’t.  Almost.  “I’m… not really, I’m still working on that, but for now I work subtitling foreign movies… for the adult industry.”

Jensen stares at him for a second and Jared can tell the moment it hits him as Jensen laughs.  “Oh my God, you translate porn movies?”

Jared pouts.  “Hey, it’s a decent job and it gives me money, okay!  Nothing wrong with that.”

“Sorry man, just can’t imagine watching porn all day long and trying to translate whatever is going on in there… but hey, that means you speak another language, where are the movies from?”

“They’re Brazilian movies, I took Portuguese classes in college and I’m half decent at it.  Plus, I have a vast knowledge in the Portuguese sex vocabulary now, that counts for my resume, right?”

Jensen chuckles.  “That sure does!  But hey, you said you’re working on a book?”

Jared smiles shyly.  “Yeah, I’m kinda writing a story about two brothers that hunt evil things.  Like demons, ghosts, the kinda stuff.  They travel across the country working on cases.  Sounds silly, but it’s not... really.  Maybe I’ll get lucky and I can get it published someday, so I can finally stop watching other people have sex all day long.”

“It’s not silly at all, and I’d love to hear more about it!  And hey, I’m an architect, way more boring than watching porn all day long!”

They keep talking for a while, about their jobs, hometowns and a few other random things.

When Jared goes to bed after saying goodnight to Jensen (they find out their rooms are in the same hallway), he realizes he hasn’t thought about Tom properly since his encounter with Jensen.   And under any other circumstances, that would be a good thing, but Jared is wasting valuable time that he needs to win Tom back.

His last thought before falling into oblivion, is that if his character Dean was real-- he would like him to look like Jensen.  And that thought is warm enough to drown Jared in the deepest sleep he’s had in weeks.


	4. Chapter 4

** **

 

Jared spends the next couple of days trying to figure out what to do next with his ‘breaking up the happy couple’ plan.   But if he’s being honest, he’s not having any luck.  He can’t come up with a great plan, and after the last plan that backfired in his face, he’s not sure which direction he should go next.  And his amazing friends that he brought along with him to help, are not doing a very good job of helping at all.  

They spend a great portion of their day locked up in their rooms, trying to mull something out of their brains.  But they keep coming back with empty expressions and defeating looks, that they all give to each other.  Chad and Stephen eventually decide that it would be a great idea to empty the minibar of all the alcoholic beverages they can find.   Gotta spice up their minds, or so Stephen had quipped as he unscrewed the top to a mini vodka bottle.

“Well, Jay Bear, since you’re keeping us locked up in here, we might as well make something good out of it.”  Chad sighs as he takes a mini rum bottle from Stephen’s hands.  

A few hours and zero good ideas later, Jared decides to leave the boys to their minibar binge and take a walk around the ship to clear his head a bit.  This time he uses a baseball cap instead of his usual beanie, since it’s too hot, and his handy dandy sunglasses.

He spends some time walking around and exploring the ship, looking at the different shops and restaurants.  And after a while he ends up at the pool area, where he scans the area hesitantly, weary of Tom and Mike.  But he’s surprised when he instead comes across Jensen, who is lounging closer to the pool, reading a book.  

Jared can’t help himself from letting his eyes linger the blonde man with ridiculously beautiful green eyes.  He’s in love with Tom, he knows that, but he can still look--right?  It’s not like Jensen is hard on the eyes.  

Jared sighs, because Jensen could very well be a model.  Jared can’t help himself for imagining a shirtless Jensen, spread out in the middle of a magazine.  Can’t help himself from furthering that thought, to imagining Jensen in a movie.  Also shirtless.  And Jared almost chokes on his tongue when his brain decides to veer right and think of Jensen on one of the porns he subtitles.   

Taking a deep breath, Jared comes back to reality and leaves shirtless Jensen in the back of his mind.  Instead, he finds himself headed in Jensen’s direction, suddenly somehow determined to say hello to him.  Just a quick ‘hey’, so he can distance himself from those shirtless daydreams and come back to the reality where Jensen and him are just friends. After all, it’s silly to have all of these thoughts, because Jensen is straight and clearly off the market.  Not that Jared is looking anyway.  Or so he tries to convince himself.

When Jared gets closer to where Jensen is sitting, he spots the very same reason for his staying on this ship, sitting two lounges away from Jensen.  And The Reason has a boyfriend lying there with him, when the chair is only meant for one person.  The Reason and his boyfriend are kissing and smiling.   And it’s completely disgusting.  

Jared aborts the ‘saying hi to Jensen’ plan and hurries back towards his room before Tom can spot him, since he’s not so hard to miss himself. Jared doesn’t want to get that close to Tom, not just yet, especially around Jensen.  And Jared tries to convince himself that it’s because he doesn’t want Tom to think he is with Jensen and definitely not because he doesn’t want Jensen to know he’s gay.  

When Jared arrives back in his room, Chad and Stephen are still there, but now there are even more empty bottles and cans littering the space around where they are on the bed.

“You guys are so paying for this, by the way.”

Chad ignores him and jumps from the bed.  “Jay man, we have the perfect solution for you!”

Jared eyes him.  “You _actually_ have a plan?  A break-up plan for Tom and Mike?”

Chad smirks at him.  “I do my friend.  See, I’m not just a pretty face.”

Jared rolls his eyes dramatically.

“The answer was right in front of us!”  Stephen chimes in, as though Chad is the mastermind and he is his sidekick.

“Ok Chad, you got my attention. Spill it.”

Chad fetches something from the nightstand and when Jared takes a close look, he notices it’s a small pill box.  Chad opens it and takes out a small blue pill.

“This, my friend, is the answer to your problem.”

Jared makes a face.  “Oh god! Chad, please tell me this isn’t some kind of Viagra.”

Chad laughs.  “No no, Jay man, this is a little something that will make your husband’s boyfriend a little _too_ happy.”

Jared raises an eyebrow at his friend.  “Define ‘too happy’.”

Chad puts an arm around Jared’s shoulders.  “You’ll see my friend. Trust me.”

Jared just sighs.

 

 

The three of them go down to the casino later that night, with their usual disguises intact.  Jared knows Tom will be there with Mike because it’s casino special night and Tom loves those kind of things.  He knows him that well.  Bet his precious little Mikey doesn’t know him that well, Jared thinks.

Surely enough, when they arrive to the event Jared spots Tom and Mike trying their luck at the roulette table.  Jared, Chad and Stephen, all sit at slot machines to observe from a safe distance.  They see Mike cheering, apparently having won something, and Tom giving him a peck on the lips to celebrate.

“Jesus fucking Christ, they’re disgusting. Who is that happy?” Jared snides sarcastically, but he can’t take his eyes off them.

They hear Mike telling Tom he’s going to the bar to get himself another drink.  Chad turns to Jared and Stephen, with the pill in his hand.

“Okay, this is our chance right there.  But how are we gonna do this, we need to put the pill in his glass without him noticing it, we need to think fast.”

Stephen grabs Chad by the wrist and pulls him towards the bar.  “Jared, stay here. Chad, you’re about to learn from a professional.”

They approach the bar and stay behind where Mike is ordering his drink.  Stephen mouths to Chad to stay close and wait for the right moment.  Stephen squeezes himself in between where Mike is sitting waiting for his drink and the guy sitting next to him. Stephen deliberately presses himself just a little bit more than necessary against Mike’s side and calls the bartender with a motion of his finger.

When the girl approaches him, he asks in the sexiest voice he can master.  “Can I get 3 sex on the beaches, please?  And don’t hold the vodka, sweetheart!”  Stephen ends his request with a wink and notices with amusement that Mike has his eyes on him, so he turns to the Mike and flashes him his best million dollar smile.

“It’s a hot day, I could definitely use one of those.”

In that moment another bartender puts a glass of champagne in front of Mike, who eyes it for a second, but turns back towards Stephen.

“Hey, I don’t blame you.  It’s an excellent choice.” Mike says cutely, emphasis on the ‘excellent’.  

Stephen throws a quick glance at Chad, to let him know this is it.  He leans back a little, so Mike has to turn a bit more towards Stephen,  to get a better look at him.  And it’s then, when Mike has his attention on Stephen, that his champagne glass is forgotten, just like that.  Chad approaches them from the other side of Mike and Stephen keeps the conversation going.

“So, are you betting high tonight?  I can tell you’re lucky.”  Stephen purrs.

Mike gives him an almost predatory smile.  “Oh, you have no idea.”

Stephen watches Chad from the corner of his eye, as he slips the pill into Mike’s drink effortlessly. It’s so easy that it almost makes Stephen break out of character with a laugh, but he reels it back in as he watches Chad make his quick getaway from the crime scene.

“What about you?  Feeling lucky tonight?”  Mike says, giving Stephen a sickenly sly smile.

The bartender appears just then and hands Stephen the three drinks he ordered.  He juggles them in his hands as he turns to leave, answering Mike before he starts walking.

“Well, I don’t usually like to place bets.  So, I’ll just be observing tonight.”   Stephen pushes away from the bar, feeling Mike’s eyes roam over his ass.  And it’s just then that he turns around and gives his most sultry wink.  “See you around.”

Stephen sways his hips as he walks away and he’s just pass the blackjack tables when Chad comes and joins him.  “Dude, you never told me you were gay!”

“Shut up, it worked.”  Stephen hands one of the drinks to Chad and turns to look at Tom, who’s still by the roulette table concentrating as he places a new bet.  “Tom is still betting over there while his new boyfriend hits on a stranger at the bar.  Good choice leaving Jared for Mike, Tommy Boy.”

They arrive at the slot machine Jared is sitting behind of, and Stephen hands him the other drink.

“So, how did it go?  I couldn’t see much from here, did you slip the pill in his drink?”

Chad replies first.  “Well, turns out Stephen has a gay side and made Mike flirt with him.  Once that happened, it was a piece of cake.”

Jared turns to Stephen. “Really?”

Stephen lets out a huff.  “Yeah, he’s a pig.  But anyway, the plan was successful, you’re welcome.  You owe me another one of these, by the way.”  Stephen raises his glass before downing half of it in a single mouthful.

“Thanks man.  But now what?”

Chad is the one who answers, with a smirk on his face.  “Now, we just wait.”

And to that, they all toast their glasses.

They watch as Mike makes his way back to Tom’s side and places another bet himself at the same roulette table.  Everybody waits expectantly while it rounds, and when it finally stops, they all start cheering and clapping, and Mike throws himself into Tom’s arms.  He won.  Un-fucking-believable.  Mike places his glass on the edge of the roulette table and collects his chips.  And then Tom slides his arm around Mike and guides him outside of the casino, probably to celebrate.  Just before they’ve left the room, an old lady fetches Mike’s abandoned glass and yells behind them.  

“Hey!  You forgot your drink!”

Mike turns around and makes an appreciative face, when he sees the lady standing there with his drink in her hand.  “It’s okay ma’am, you can have it, enjoy it for me!”

Jared, Chad and Stephen all watch in horror as Mike and Tom leave together, leaving the old lady behind with Mike’s drugged drink.  And they all gasp in unison as they watch her walk away, with the drink in her hand.

Before Jared can think about anything else, he is up and running after the old lady.  He’s not a runner, but somehow he manages olympic speeds, passing the slot machines and jumping between card tables.  When he’s right behind her, she raises the glass as if to take a sip and Jared doesn’t stop for anything as he reaches for the glass in her hand and drinks it down himself, all in one smooth motion.  

The lady scoffs at him. “What the hell was that?”

Jared tries to go for his puppy dog eyes.  “Sorry ma’am, I was choking and needed to drink something, it was life or death, I apologize!”

The lady doesn’t seem to buy it that much, she just leaves mumbling things like ‘damned kids’, ‘fucking high’ and ‘doesn’t have manners’.

Jared eyes the empty glass as Chad and Stephen approach him.  

Chad follows Jared’s gaze towards the empty glass.  “Dude, are you crazy??”

Jared turns to him.  “Would you have preferred that I punch the lady?”  He looks at both of them and tries for his best ‘everything is peachy’ face.  “I’ll be fine guys.  Really.”

 

 

Half an hour later, they somehow end up at a place with a dance floor and there’s loud music going on.  Jared is dancing on top of a table, a Screwdriver in one hand and the other is spinning his scarf around in the air.  He tries to sing along to the song bumping through the speakers, but he’d be the only one, because there’s no lyrics to the song.  But fuck this song needs lyrics and Jared is bent on yelping them out like a sick dog in the rain.   Everyone around him eyes him and he just winks back and gulps down the rest of his drink.

Jared spins around on the table and laughs loudly.  God, when was the last time he felt this carefree?  Never.  It’s like he’s floating, like his body weighs nothing and his mind is empty because what the fuck is there to worry about?  Nothing.  Fuck Tom, fuck Mike, they can fuck each other all fucking night for all he cares.  But that’s just it, he doesn’t give two fucks at all.  And he doesn’t know when the Screwdriver refilled itself, but he takes a gulp and pumps his fist in the air.  If his drink keeps up its refill act, he couldn’t give a shit about anything else for the rest of his life.  

A lot of people are watching him, but that’s fine because he _feels_ FINE.  No, no… he feels AMAZING!  God, he really needs to thank Chad later, because he’s a good friend.  And Stephen too.  He loves them so much. And bless them both, because they both came with him on this stupid cruise from Hell.  

Jared hops down off the table he’s been dancing on top of and spills his drink on a few girls below him, who look back at him disgruntled.  “Sorry ladies, I don’t swim your way!!  Hey, look, I don’t make the rules.  But I like to break them every now and again, if you know what I’m saying!”   He gives them his best flirty grin before he heads through the crowd looking for his amazing friends.

Somehow Jared runs into a bar and he leaves it with two shots of tequila in each hand.  He decides they are for his friends, because they’re fucking awesome and they deserve this top shelf liquor.  Jared walks back through the crowd in the general direction he thinks Chad and Stephen are in, and comes to a clearing by the bathrooms instead.  Jared looks around and decides to celebrate by drinking one of the shots in his hand.  Chad and Stephy Poo can share this last shot, it’s only fair that Jared makes sure it isn’t poisonous.

Next thing Jared knows, he finds himself on top of a bar at the other side of the room and he doesn’t know how he got there, but color him Coyote Ugly, because he’s always wanted to dance on a bar.  Or maybe he wanted to be a stripper, because his hands are peeling off his shirt and pulling it over his head and flinging it into the crowd.  And Jared can’t help himself from howling with excitement when he sees Chad catch his shirt.

Both Chad and Stephen beeline towards him and reach up to try and help him off the bar.  But he shakes them off, because it’s not like he needs help.  He’s totally capable himself, he’s fine, more than fine really.  He’s GREAT!

Chad and Stephen both grab for each of Jared’s arms, desperate to lead him away from all the commotion that formed around the bar, because of his little Violet Sanford performance.  Jared turns his face around as best as he can towards the people still watching him.

“Watch out for your husband’s people!!  Otherwise, Mark Rosenbaum is gonna come and steal them from you!”

Stephen yanks Jared’s arm harder.  “Jared, stop!”

“Ouch!  Rude, I definitely don’t love you anymore.”

“Oh, that breaks my heart sweetie.”  Stephen spits sarcastically.

Stephen and Chad lead Jared to a group of tables on the far edge of the dance floor and sit him down. Chad helps Jared put his shirt back on, and him and Stephen take turns giving him stern, ‘don’t think about going anywhere’ looks, before they turn around and leave to god knows where.  Jared just stays put for a while listening to the music, moving his head along to the beat. But Jared gets bored with that fast and is up and walking in the direction Chad and Stephen went.  And of course, he finds them at the bar ordering more drinks.  

“I want one more of these, whatever it is!”  Jared thinks he hears Chad saying. Or was it Steph? He doesn’t bring himself to care enough, so he just squeezes himself beside them and asks for one more of the ‘whatever-this-is’ drink.

Chad tells the bartender to get Jared some water instead, but Jared doesn’t wait to see what he’ll be getting.  Instead, he just turns around and fetches the first drink he sees in somebody’s hand and doesn’t wait to hear complaints.  Jared moves back through the crowd and starts dancing on the floor.  And he’s surprised when he is soon joined by his friends.  He puts an arm around each of them, and gives them both a kiss on the cheek.

“I love you guys okay!  Don’t forget that, I love you and thank you for being my friends and for being here with me!  You guys are the BEST ‘best friends’ ever to ever exist!  Hey, why is my glass empty?  Chaddy, did you drink it?”

Chad doesn’t even bother answering, because Jared leaves them to wander around the floor. He’s off on a hunt, trying to find himself another drink, dancing and flirting with everyone he bumps into along the way.  Eventually he finds himself a nice little spot in the center of the dance floor and he just lets himself go to the music pumping through the speakers.  In the back of his mind he starts to wonder if this is what Heaven feels like, because if it is, God he can’t wait to go.  

Jared has no idea how long he stays like that, just dancing with his eyes closed, completely clueless to the world around him.  But he thinks at least 3 songs have come and gone, when he finally opens his eyes and spots an oasis in the desert of bodies swaying around him.  

A tall, blonde and tanned man, who also has the greenest eyes Jared has ever seen, is there off in the distance. And if Jared is being honest with himself, he’s pretty sure the green of this guys eyes are definitely his favorite color now.  He wishes he could count the freckles that dust the expanse of this guys face and he can’t stop himself from wondering if there are more of them on other parts of his body.  The guy is wearing a dark shirt and woah those arms!  Jared’s mind is a little foggy at the moment, but this he cannot miss.

Jensen is here.

Perfect and beautiful and very much straight, Jensen.

 

 

Jensen doesn’t know why, but he feels restless.  He thought about spending the night in, thought about going over some paperwork he brought with him, but the clock on the nightstand stares at him with big bold red numbers and it makes him feel like his skin is itchy.  He sighs and puts down the pen he was doing nothing more than doodling with in the corner of one of his work documents.  He leans back in the desk chair and lets the idea of big tasty drink settle on his tongue.  And if he remembers correctly, there was supposed to be some big event at one of the clubs on the ship.  

It takes Jensen all of five seconds to decide that, that is exactly where he wants to be.  After all, there’s nothing better than a few stiff drinks and letting yourself go in a sea of dancing bodies, to mind numbing music.  

He’s not far from his room, when he passes by the quiet spot that he keeps finding that cute guy, Jared.  He thinks about Jared’s green face as he was emptying all of his stomach into the ocean and he doesn’t know why but it makes him chuckle.  Even sick, Jared had managed to be cute.  

Jensen reaches out and traces his fingers along the same railing Jared and him had stood at and can’t help but hope that Jared is getting some rest.  Can’t help but hope that he will run into him yet again.  Can’t help but crave the warmth of Jared’s dimples, when he smiles.  Can’t help from just thinking about Jared and all the ways he’s made his trip unique in just this short amount of time.  

The music is blaring loudly from the club and it directs Jensen where to go immediately.  And once he’s inside, he can’t help himself from spotting Jared right away.  

It’s not that Jared is hard to miss by any measure, because he’s dancing in the middle of the floor.  His head is back, his hair sweaty and sticking to the sides of his head.  He’s holding a neon drink of some sort and it’s swaying brim to brim as Jared’s hips move to the beat.  Jared looks lost and found all in the same moment and Jensen can’t help himself from licking his lips with want.

And if Jensen was to allow himself one honest truth tonight, he can admit it: Jared Padalecki, the guy who keeps crashing into him at every opportunity, is intoxicatingly hot, and Jensen is fucked.

Jensen swallows his confession just as Jared turns around and opens his eyes to make eye contact with him.   It’s as though Jared was expecting him.  

Hazel eyes carve their way down Jensen’s body and it sends a chill down his spine.  He’s fully dressed, but god he feels naked in front of Jared.   And maybe that should be his warning sign, but Jensen just can’t help himself from walking straight for Jared.  

Jensen doesn’t know what he was expecting.   Maybe a ‘hello’ or a ‘hey, fancy running into you here’, but he gets nothing more than Jared’s hand wrapped around his arm, pulling him deeper into the crowd.   And he follows helplessly behind Jared, only to be knocked breathless when Jared stops suddenly, causing him to run into Jared’s back.  But Jensen’s breath is even further gone, when Jared presses his ass into him and then squats immediately with the beat of the music, only to drag his ass back up the length of Jensen’s legs and back to his cock.  

Jared Padalecki is not fucking around tonight.  ‘Or maybe he is,’ Jensen thinks.  And that’s only followed with, ‘fuck I need a drink’.  

As if on cue, Jared turns around with a shit eating grin sprawled across his face.   His cheeks are pink with whatever he’s been drinking and his eyes are open and unguarded and staring straight towards Jensen.  It’s as though Jensen can see right into Jared’s soul and he can’t help but feel his chest constrict with how beautiful he is.  

It’s more than the length of him, more than his long chestnut hair, his hazel eyes, his obnoxiously cute dimples, that stupid mole next to his cute as fuck nose.  It’s more than all of that.  And Jensen wishes more than anything he had a name for the kind of beauty that is Jared, but he just keeps coming up speechless.  

The music changes and Jensen reaches out and takes Jared’s drink, throwing it down his throat and handing it to some girl next to him, all in one fluid motion.   Jared stares at him with curiosity and it’s only followed by utter amusement when Jensen gets close to him and smiles.  

Jared grabs Jensen’s hips and pulls them flesh together.  

“Don’t tease me, Jared…” Jensen’s voice is a tone deeper, and if his pants are suddenly a bit tighter, he can’t help it.

Jared gets closer to Jensen’s mouth, but not close enough.  “I feel safe with you, Jensen.”

There’s so much honesty in that statement, it’s so blunt and out there,  that Jensen can’t help but nod his head with understanding.  Because, yes, for whatever reason, he feels safe with Jared, too.   He can’t describe it.    

A solid half hour goes by as they dance to about a half dozen songs.  Jared’s energy is seemingly endless. He has fallen to the floor a couple times and laughed his ass off about it; he looks like one of those kids who never seem to slow down.  But it’s actually adorable and Jared makes Jensen laugh.  

Then a slow song comes up, and everything changes.  Jared’s posture changes and his face goes from happy and relaxed to upset in record time.  Jensen watches as Jared’s chin starts to tremble and how his eyes start to pool with tears.

There’s no time to even wonder what the hell changed, or could be making Jared sad so suddenly.  Jensen wonders briefly if it’s another effect of something he took or drank or whatever, the next thing Jensen knows he has his arms full of a sobbing Jared and he has no clue of what to do, he still hasn’t even had time to register the change and he has no idea how to comfort him when he doesn’t know what is going on.

He decides to just let Jared get it all off his chest, lets him cry if that’s what he needs.  Jensen pulls Jared tight and hugs him as he cries, his body trembling against Jensen’s chest like he’s desperate, like Jared’s drowning and Jensen’s his life saver.  

It takes a few moments, but Jared calms and Jensen feels relief fall over his body.  But, he doesn’t get long to think about it, because Jared has both of them swaying to the slow song playing.  Jared’s lanky arms are wound around him and his face is pressed into the crook of his neck.  And Jensen’s thoughts are blank, except for one, and that is--God, Jared smells good.  

Jensen sees stars when Jared’s mouth makes contact with his neck.  Jared kisses him softly, following it with a whispered ‘thank you’ and sealing it with another gentle kiss.  And Jensen could swear that his feet leave the ground.  Could swear that his soul leaves his body right there in the middle of the dance floor.  

He dances with Jared for another couple of songs, because it just feels so good. Being able to have all of Jared against him, this close and God, it’s too much--but some how not enough.  But, Jensen can’t let himself completely enjoy the moment because Jared still sniffles sadly in his arms and his eyes are still downcasted with sadness.  It’s like he has the weight of the world on his shoulders and it makes Jensen’s heart ache.

Jensen wonders for the 200th time what’s going on with Jared, what’s making him so sad. He wishes he could make it go away, because Jared just deserves to be happy.  For a second he wishes he could be the one to make Jared happy.  The next second, he hates himself for that thought, because he absolutely _cannot_ go there.

Jensen decides then that it’s enough for one night.  Jared is obviously troubled and upset and all he needs is a good night of sleep.  He disentangles himself from Jared and holds his head with both hands, forcing him to look into his eyes.

“Jared, I’m gonna take you to your room, okay?  Do you have your key card with you?”

Jared doesn’t answer, just pulls a card out of his pocket and gives to Jensen.

“I’m glad our rooms are so close.” Jensen says with a grin, but when he looks at Jared he’s not even sure he’s heard what he’s said.

Jensen places a hand on Jared’s back and guides him out of the party and towards their rooms.  When they get to room 2339, Jensen uses Jared’s key card to open it and guides them both into the room.  Jensen fumbles with the switches on the nightstand before finding the one that turns on the bedside lamp.  

Jared falls onto his bed, already half asleep and Jensen watches him for a second with worry.  But after a few seconds pass, Jensen comes back to the task at hand and moves to take Jared’s shoes off and pull the covers over him.

Jensen makes a quick trip to his own room (Jared’s card in hand) and grabs some Tylenol.  He then goes back to Jared’s, fills a glass with water at the bathroom sink and leaves it on the nightstand along with the Tylenol.  Because if tonight had taught Jensen anything, it was that Jared was going to be desperately needing that in the morning.

Jensen then makes sure Jared is tucked in and turns the light off.  And well, if he gives Jared a forehead kiss goodnight before leaving the room, no one would know it but him.


	5. Chapter 5

** **

 

Jared wakes up the next morning feeling like he was run over by a truck during the night. His throat feels like sandpaper and apparently someone is pointing a spotlight at his face from the window.  Saying that he feels like shit is an understatement.

He can’t open his eyes yet, so he tries to remember what happened, tries to pinpoint the exact reason he feels like a dead corpse.  They were at the casino, and Chad and Stephen were supposed to make Mike drink something that would cause him something he doesn’t know exactly what.  Oh yes, Mike won (lucky bastard) and forgot his glass at the roulette table.  Oh, and he drank it.  Jesus Christ, he drank it.  What the hell did that pill do to him?

Jared’s head screams as he tries to push further into the fog that is last night.

It was so loud and there was a blue light and the drink was orange and Jensen.  Oh my God, Jensen was there. And he thinks he may have danced with him.  Yes, he sure as hell danced with Jensen alright.  He doesn’t remember much, but he knows how Jensen smelled.  And it was awesome.  His eyes burn a little.  He cried at one point, he knows that for sure. Wait. Holy fuck, he cried hugging Jensen. He let Jensen comfort him while he cried, oh God, he’s so pathetic, he’s the biggest loser this planet has ever seen.  How can he face Jensen now, how can he look him in the eyes after the humiliation he went through last night?  And to top it all, one more plan backfired and Tom and Mike are happier than ever.  Isn’t that great?

Yea, just peachy.

He manages to sit up in his bed and open his eyes a bit.  He eyes the nightstand and there’s a glass of water and a pill there.  He wonders if one of the guys must… Jensen asking for his key card.  Jensen brought him to his room last night and he probably left him something for when he woke up.

Jesus. Christ.

Jared puts the pill in his mouth and washes it down, then he heads to the bathroom to take a (much needed) piss and throw some water on his face.  When he returns to the room, he finds Chad and Stephen sitting at the small couch waiting for him with matching grins on their faces.  Jared sits on the bed facing them.

“Hey Jare… how did the rest of your night go?” Chad asks.

Jared stares at them.  “Well, I would like to know where the two of you were, because you pretty much disappeared.”

Chad and Stephen exchange a quick look and Jared could swear they look embarrassed.

“Well?”

Stephen is the one who answers.  “Well you know, we were keeping an eye on you, but then your, ugh, ‘friend' appeared and you seemed perfectly fine with him, and then these two girls came from nowhere, and they had nice tits and we started talking, and one thing led to another and next thing we knew, we were skinny dipping with them.”

Jared gasps.  “You what?”

“Well, we couldn’t say no to that, could we??  I mean this _was_ a once in a lifetime opportunity.  And dude, it was _awesome_.”

Jared eyes them both.  “How wasted were you guys?”

Chad scoffs at him.  “Hey!  We just had a few drinks okay!  It was really incredible, a fish even brushed my leg, dude.”

Stephen stares at him with his eyebrows raised.  “Uh, sorry to break this to you, but that was my dick.”

“Shut up asshole, that was totally a fish.”

“Chad, we were in a pool.”

Chad stays silent for a few moments, and then his mouth gapes open.  “DUDE! GROSS!”

Stephen smirks at him and turns to Jared.  “He’s totally in love with me.” Chad punches his arm and goes sit on Jared’s bed to get away from Stephen.

Jared stares at both of them.  “Are you done? My head is killing me right now.”

Stephen turns to him.  “Yeah yeah, Chad just can’t admit he’s in love with me and did that on purpose. Anyway, moving onto more serious business, who was the blond dude you had your hands on last night, Jay-man??”

Jared feels his cheeks turning a little pink, and he lowers his head.  “His name is Jensen, he… we met a few days ago and we sort of became friends, I guess.”

Chad laughs.  “Dude, friends?? Are you kidding, you were all over him, dancing and flirting, and the guy’s not half bad, you should totally go for him and to hell with Tom.”

“He’s straight.”

“Oh. Yeah, I can see how that could be a problem.  But hey, people can change, right?”

Jared rolls his eyes and stands up.  

“Look, forget about Jensen. He’s a friend, he’s not gay and I screwed up with him last night.  I’ll think about that later.  Right now I need to focus on Tom, because once again, our plan backfired and we are back to square one.  We’re going outside to find him and see what he’s up to.  But first, I need a shower.”

 

 

It’s lunchtime when the three of them finally step outside their rooms, Jared feeling a bit better after the pill Jensen left him and the shower he took.  Jared’s wearing his sunglasses and a baseball cap, with his hair tucked inside.  He would feel a little ridiculous, if he actually cared.

They go to the pool area, and Jared quickly spots Tom and Mike sitting on two beach chairs talking.  He motions for Chad and Stephen to follow him and they all find chairs right behind the two boyfriends.  Jared grabs 3 magazines he finds in the small table next to them and tosses one to each of his friends, so they can hide behind them, and then he starts listening.  Tom and Mike are quiet for a while, just enjoying the sun, and then Tom finally speaks.

“So baby, I’m getting hungry, I’m thinking about heading to the restaurant for lunch, join me?”

Mike turns to him and puts his sunglasses on his forehead.  “Guess not babe, I ate too much at breakfast, guess I’m gonna go to the gym and work out a little, haven’t been there in a while.  I’ll see you a little later then?”

Tom leans in and presses a kiss to Mike’s mouth.  “Okay, but I’ll miss you though. Try not to take too long”

Mike smiles at him.  “I wouldn’t dream of it.”

Jared is so going to puke right now.

They watch both of them leave towards opposite directions, not before another goodbye kiss, and for a while Jared just sits there, staring at Tom’s empty chair.  He doesn’t say anything for a while, just wonders what he should do.

Chad is the one to break the silence.  “So… what now?”

Jared gets up and faces his two friends.  He knows what he’s gonna do.

“I’m gonna go talk to Tom.”

Chad and Stephen both get up at the same time and stare at Jared open mouthed.

“Are you serious Jared??” Stephen questions.

Jared looks from one friend, to the other.  “Deadly. It’s about time I face him already, he has to know I’m here, and now it’s the perfect opportunity since he’s finally ‘Mike-free’. I’m going to the restaurant, you go do whatever you want, find the skinny dipping girls from last night, whatever.”

Jared turns to leave when Chad puts a hand on his shoulder.  “Just be careful Jare, okay?”

Chad is not known for being this serious, so Jared stops for a second to nod at his friend.  “I’ll try, I promise.”

 

 

Jared gets to the restaurant and scans the area, finding Tom sitting at a table to his right, his back to him.  He starts walking towards him, going through what the hell is he supposed to say to him in his head.

‘Hey Tom, guess who decided to go to Italy too?’

or

‘Hey Tom, missed me?’

or

‘Oh my God Tom, are you here too?  What a small world!!’

Jared’s approaching Tom and still deciding what he should do, when a voice comes from behind, startling him.

“Tommy babe, hey!”

Jared’s eyes widen and he has one second to think about what to do before Tom turns around.  He ends up doing the first thing that comes to his mind, crouches down and gets under the table behind him.  They all have big tablecloths, that go all the way to the floor, so it’s a perfect place to hide. He lifts the cloth just a bit to watch as Mike approaches the table where Tom is, and sits down right next to him.

“Oh my God, Darling, I shouldn’t have left you alone, this trip makes no sense without you by my side!”

Tom gives him a kiss and smiles.  “I don’t wanna be apart from you either, my beautiful Bright Eyes.”

Bright Eyes.

Jared feels like he’s about to vomit.  That used to be his nickname.  Tom used to call him that.   _He_ was Tom’s Bright Eyes.  

But apparently, not anymore.

Jared half hears Tom telling Mike he got a present for him and it’s in their room, and overhears Mike getting all excited and rushing to get out of the restaurant and back to their room to see it.  They are leaving the restaurant and Jared lowers the tablecloth and craws to the other side of the table to see them go. But as he lifts the cloth on that side and prepares to get out from under the table, when he finds himself facing… a crotch.

Oh God.

He slowly lifts his head to see who the crotch belongs to, and when he meets the person’s face...

Of-fucking-course it’s Jensen, of all people.

Oh God. Oh God Oh God Oh God Oh God Oh God Oh God.

Jared feels his cheeks burning.  He’s so beyond fucked. Jensen lifts the cloth from Jared’s head and stares at him with wide eyes.  At the same moment the waiter comes over and starts to leave, embarrassed, but Jensen calls him back.

“Please, can I have a glass of wine?”  He quickly glances at Jared and back at the waiter.  “Actually, make it two.”

He turns to Jared as the waiter leaves them, and Jared is beat red at this point.  “Oh my god, I’m so sorry, I swear this is not what you are thinking!”

Jensen laughs. “Are you gonna stay down there forever?”

“I’m actually kinda stuck.”

Jensen scoots back his chair a bit and helps him get out from under the table, and Jared sits down on the chair next to Jensen.

“So… hey.”  Jensen says with a smirk.

“Hi.”  Jared stares at the plate in front of him.

“We have been running into each other a lot lately, huh?”

Jared reluctantly meets Jensen’s eyes.  “I’m trying not to think about the last time, so I can somehow save what little dignity I still have.”

Jensen smiles at him.  “Well, you are a great dancer.”

Jared groans.  “Oh God, stop it… I’m so sorry about last night, Jensen, I made a complete fool of myself, I can’t even look at you right now, I…”

Jensen stops him by putting a hand on his arm.  “Hey!  It’s okay Jared, really.  I can tell you were in a bad place yesterday, and we all do some stupid stuff once in a while.  Don’t beat yourself up too hard.  You know what, I think we should get some food in you.  You stay here and I’ll go and grab some stuff for you.  And then, I want to know why you were hiding under the table."

Jared bangs his head on the surface of the table and grunts as Jensen makes his way to the buffet.  By the time he returns with two plates of food, the waiter has already brought their glasses of wine and Jared’s is already empty.  Jensen places one of the plates in front of Jared and asks for the waiter to bring over some water.  Jared actually manages to eat most of what Jensen chose, some steamed vegetables, mashed potatoes and of course a nice steak.  It’s like Jensen _knew_ exactly what he needed.

They eat in comfortable silence for a while, and Jared waits for Jensen to finish while he plays around with the rest of his food and sips at his water.  Jensen doesn’t push him to say anything and he’s grateful for that.

When Jensen is finished, he turns to Jared.  “So, thank you for making me company during lunch.  But I think you should go back to your room and get some more rest, though. You’re still clearly hangover and sorry to say that, you look like crap.”

Jared raises one eyebrow at him.  “Well, nice way to cheer a man up, thanks.”

Jensen laughs.  “That’s not what I meant dude, it’s just that you look tired as hell and I’m guessing you could use a few more hours of sleep, that’s all.”

Jared thinks about that for a moment and if he’s honest with himself, he could really use a few more hours of sleep.  His headache woke him up and he wasn’t anywhere near ready to greet the day.  And after eating, he feels ever more lazy now.

“Yeah, fine.  If you don’t want my company I will go back to my room then, no problem.”

Jared starts getting up but Jensen stops him by grabbing his wrist.  If Jared’s whole body shivers just with this touch, then he must be worse than he thought.

“You know that isn’t true right, Jared?”

Jared gives him a small smile.  “Yeah I do. Maybe.”  And perhaps his head is spinning just a bit.

Jensen gets up from the table and brings Jared with him.  “To prove to you that I do want your company, I’ll walk you to your room.  I’m familiar with the way already.”

Jared’s cheeks turn pink but he doesn’t say anything.  They walk side by side in silence towards Jared’s room, and when they approach it, he’s not thinking very clearly anymore. Maybe he shouldn’t have had that glass of wine, just maybe.

“It was because of Tom.” Jared suddenly blurts out.

Jensen frowns.  “What?”

“The reason I was under the table.”  Isn’t it obvious?

“Okay… who’s Tom?”

“My husband.” Duh.

They’ve almost reached Jared’s room and Jensen stops and stares at him with wide eyes.  “You… you’re married???”

Jared lowers his head.  “Well, I was… but then Tom decided he didn’t want to be anymore and left me for Mike, by the way I can swear I’ve seen his face somewhere before, and here we all are now.”

Jensen backs up a bit.  “Woah, so you’re saying your ex husband, his new boyfriend or whatever and you are all in the same cruise?”

“Yeah.”  Jared’s voice is so low Jensen almost misses it.  

Jared can tell Jensen wants to ask more questions, and he finds out he really wants to talk to Jensen about it, but he just can’t muster the strength to do it right now. He’s not Bright Eyes anymore, everything is backwards and his head hurts.  Jensen apparently realizes how miserable Jared is at the moment and holds his tongue.

Instead, he says, “You should really get inside now and get some rest.  You’ll feel a little better in that regard, at least a little bit.”

Jared inserts his keycard in the lock but before he opens the door, he turns to Jensen and looks at him in the eye.  “Hey, thank you, you know… for the pill and the food and just… everything.  Thank you, Jensen.  You’re a good guy.”  Jared is starting to realize that more and more.

Jensen stares at Jared for a while, an unreadable expression on his face, and then finally smiles at him.  “It’s no problem at all.  See you later?”

Jared manages to return his smile the best he can.  “You bet.”

Jared enters his room and closes the door, only to find Chad and Stephen sitting outside on his balcony.  He drops down on the bed, on his back.  “Don’t you guys have a room or something??”

Chad and Stephen come back inside the room and they both sit down on the bed, right next to Jared.

“We are curious man!!!  We have been waiting for you to come back and tell us how things went.  So, how was it?” Chad asks.

Jared eyes him and gives a lazy smile.  “It was so cool, man… we talked, drank some wine, he got us food, walked me back to my room… he’s great.”

Stephen frowns. “Really?  Were things that easy?  You just announced yourself to Tom, you guys talked, had lunch and it was simple as that?  What about his boyfriend?”

Jared stares at him in confusion.  “Tom?  Oh no, I didn’t get to talk to Tom, he didn’t even see me.”

Chad’s eyes widen.  “Come again?”

“Yeah, right when I was getting closer to him, fucking Mike showed up and ruined everything, so no, Tom didn’t see me.”

Chad shakes his head.  “Ok, wait.  Who did you have lunch with then?”

Jared smiles again.  “With Jensen, my dear friend, of course… man, he’s great.”

Chad and Stephen get up at the same time. “Are you kidding us, Jared?”

“I can’t believe it!”

Jared eyes both of them from where he’s lying on the bed.

“What?”

Chad scoffs.  “You keep us locked up in here, we can’t even go out that much so Tom won’t see us, and we’re here waiting to see how things finally went, and you didn’t even talk to him?  You were having lunch with that Jensen dude while we were bored out of our minds here?  That’s bullshit man!”

Jared sighs. “Okay, okay, sorry!  You guys can take it easier on the hiding… Just keep an eye around you, please.  Now go and find something to do, I need to close my eyes for a little bit”

Chad smirks at Stephen.  “Let’s go then, my buddy!”

They both leave the room and Jared lets his eyes close.  

 

 

Jared wakes up and he doesn’t know what time it is, but he can see that it’s darker outside.  He grabs his phone from the nightstand and he can see it’s almost 6 p.m. Maybe he really needed some more sleep after all.  He gets up, washes his face and brushes his teeth.  Then, he grabs fresh clothes and changes into them, since his were all wrinkled from sleeping.

He opens the door to Chad and Stephen’s room, but the boys aren’t there.  They must still be out enjoying the cruise.  Jared just hopes Tom hasn’t seen them.  He decides to go for a walk to waste some time till he gets hungry for dinner.

His feet automatically lead him to the spot on the ship he shares with Jensen. He doesn’t know exactly why he’s here, but he sure wants to be.  It feels good, he likes it here. He sits down on the ship rail and just watches the ocean for a while. He’s glad he hasn’t felt seasick again, he sure doesn’t need that on top of everything else he’s dealing with.

Jared gets lost in thoughts and he doesn’t even know how much time passes when he hears a voice.

“Earth to Jared?”

Jared looks up and finds Jensen smiling down at him.  “Hey man, sorry, was a bit distracted, I think.”

Jensen laughs and sits down next to him. “Yeah, I couldn’t tell at all.”  He has two glasses of cold orange juice with him, and he hands one to Jared.  “I had a tiny hope you would be here, so I took a chance and now I’m glad I did.  I hope you’re thirsty.”

Jared takes the glass from him and gives Jensen a shy smile.  “Thank you.”  He looks Jensen in the eye and hopes he knows he doesn’t mean just the juice.

Jensen holds his gaze and smiles back at him.  “No problem, Jay.  Are you feeling better?”

Jared nods, not missing the nickname Jensen just called him, and he enjoys it. “Yeah.  You were right, I really needed to sleep more.”

“That’s good.”

They are quiet for a while, both of them drinking their juice and watching the sea. Jared debates whether he should give Jensen a better explanation of his situation. He already told him his ex husband is here, and Jared actually finds that he wants Jensen to know more.  He feels he can trust Jensen and that he won’t be laughed at.  

He finally speaks with his head down, staring at his half empty glass.  “So… Tom, my ex husband.  I think I mentioned him to you.”

Jensen turns his face to him but doesn’t say anything, just waits to hear what Jared has to say. He takes a deep breath before he goes on.

“We were together for 5 years.  We had a class together in our senior year at college back in Texas, and when I first saw him I thought he was so gorgeous and completely out of my league, all confident and handsome.  But then, one day after class he asks me if I want to go have a beer with him.  We talked for hours, until the bar owner kicked us out, and that’s how it started.  We were inseparable after that.  Then, three years ago he had the chance to start his own company, he had some contacts from his old one in Long Island, there was a market there so he saw the opportunity to go there.  Of course I came with him, and I didn’t even think twice, I was so in love with him.

“We spent three years there and I thought everything was good you know… Tom was it for me, and then one day he comes back from a business trip in Chicago and tells me he wants to break up.  Just like that, he’s out of our home and I’m alone in a town that’s not my own, without my husband. When I heard he was gonna be on a cruise to Italy with his new boyfriend, I freaked out.  First, that was our dream.  And second, how could he get a boyfriend so fast?  Maybe they were already together, I don’t know.  I went crazy, Jensen.  I didn’t even think about it, I convinced my friends to join me and I came to the same cruise so I could get my husband back.  But so far, nothing has worked and he doesn’t even know I’m here.  He’s happier and happier with his new lover and I’m all alone watching their happiness.  I’m pretty pathetic, right?” Jared huffs.

Jensen lets out a breath. “You are not pathetic, Jared.  You love somebody and you don’t want to lose them.  You dedicated five years of your life to him, you moved across the country for him.  There’s nothing wrong with trying to go after what you want.  I kind of admire you for that, actually.”

Jensen looks kind of sad and Jared can’t help himself.  “Have you ever felt this way?”

It takes Jensen a while to answer.  When he does, he avoid Jared’s eyes.  “No, I guess I haven’t.”

Jared can feel there’s more to it, but he lets it go.  If Jensen wanted to share something he would.

Instead, Jensen gives him a small smile and changes the subject.  “So… you called him your husband… are you guys officially married?  Did you divorce him already?”

Jared shakes his head.  “No, we’re not married on paper. Ever since we moved in together we called each other ‘husband’... because that’s what he was to me, in my heart, you know?  I didn’t care if we had an official paper saying it or not.  Although, lately I was considering talking to him about finally making it official.  Guess there wasn’t time.  At least now I don’t have to go through the divorce thing.”

“Yeah, guess not.” Jensen agrees quietly.  Then he decides to change the subject again to something less depressing.  “So… tell me about your family then.”

They talk for a long time, about a lot of things.  They learn they have a lot in common, both of them having an older brother and a younger sister.  They share stories about them and pictures from their nieces and nephews.  Jared doesn’t even feel the time passing, it’s so good to talk to Jensen, makes himself feel so much lighter.  He feels so good when he’s around Jensen, and in another universe, he could picture them together.  Jared finds that it isn't hard to imagine at all.  He needs to remind himself though, that in this universe, Jensen is straight and Jared loves Tom. But he really hopes they can stay friends once they are back in the States, he figures out that he wants Jensen in his life. And if he can’t get his husband back until the end of the cruise, at least he has met a great person while in the process.


	6. Chapter 6

** **

 

Chad stands up from the bar stool he was sitting on, chatting with a girl.  He had thought they could go somewhere quiet and continue to ‘get to know each other’, but she casually mentioned her husband is feeling a bit sick so he had to stay in their room for tonight.  And Chad doesn’t want to get himself in trouble because he has nowhere to run, so thanks but no, thanks.  He gives her an excuse and walks out of the bar.  Stephen had left a little earlier, he didn’t have much luck either. Well, at least they were able to explore a bit instead of staying inside the bedroom.

Maybe tomorrow they’ll get lucky.

He’s waiting for the elevator that will take him to the rooming area, because he feels too lazy to go up two flights of stairs.  He’s a little distracted when the elevator door opens, and when he finally looks inside, he finds himself face to face with Tom.

Oh. Fuck.

“Chad???” Tom almost shouts in a question.

Chad’s eyes widen in shock and he does the first thing that comes to his mind, he runs.  Suddenly he’s not too lazy to use the stairs anymore. He climbs them as quickly as he can but he can hear Tom coming after him, calling his name and telling him to stop. He doesn’t, obviously, and soon he’s running down the hallway towards his room. He stops in front of his door but he’s still a bit drunk and also nervous so he can’t insert the keycard to open the door, so he starts banging on it.

“Amell, open up dude, hurry!!!”

But he has lost precious seconds and Tom catches up to him. He stops in front of Chad, out of breath and looking pissed. Shit,  Jared is gonna kill him.

Chad turns to Tom and tries to look casual.  “Hey Tom, what’s up, small sea huh?”

He can’t look Tom in the eyes as the man inches closer to him.

“Can you explain to me what’s going on, Chad?”

Chad huffs.  “What do you mean?  Oh, so now a person can’t go on vacation anymore, is that it???  You aren’t the only one who can afford going on a cruise you know.”

“All I wanna know, is why you are running from me?”

Chad feels himself starting to sweat.  “Are, are you cr-crazy Tom, I’m not running I just didn’t want to wait for the elevator anymore and I…”

“SPIT IT OUT, CHAD!”

At that very moment, the door to his room opens and Stephen steps out of it.  This couldn’t get any better.  Chad sees Stephen’s shocked face when he notices they have company.

Before he can say anything, Tom points at both of them. “What are you both doing here??”

Stephen quickly regains his composure and answers Tom.  “We’re having fun. That’s all.”

He doesn’t sound too convincing though, and Tom can sense his hesitation.  “You guys don’t fool me.  I want to know what you’re hiding.”

Stephen turns to Chad.  “That’s it, Chad.  We can’t do this anymore.  We’re gonna have to tell him.”

Chad’s eyes widen.  Has Stephen gone crazy?  Jared is gonna murder both of them with his bare hands.

Stephen goes on.  “I’m gonna tell you, Tom.”  He steps aside and motions for Tom to enter their room.

Oh god that’s it, this is how they’re both gonna die.

They all enter the room and Stephen closes the door behind them.  He stands side by side with Chad, facing Tom.

“Okay.  I’m all ears, you can start talking.”

Stephen exchanges a quick glance with Chad and speaks.  “Me and Chad… we are together.”

Chad slowly turns to Stephen with his eyes twice the size of his face, but luckily Tom is also too shocked to notice.  “Come again?”

Stephen puts an arm around Chad’s waist.  “You heard me.  Chad and I got closer and we found out we had feelings for each other.  So we decided to go take a vacation, so we could celebrate it.”

Tom eyes them suspiciously.  “Why didn’t I know about this?”

Stephen shrugs.  “You were too busy with your company I guess.”

Tom doesn’t seem convinced.  “I thought you were both straight.”

Stephen smirks at him.  “Things can change.”

Tom nods slowly.  “Okay.  So now you are a gay couple, enjoying a cruise.”

Stephen confirms.  “Exactly.”

Tom chuckles.  “Then prove it.”

Chad bursts out laughing because this is too surreal to be actually happening.

Stephen is the one who speaks.  “Really?  You want us to prove it to you?!”

Tom nods.  “Yeah.”

Chad finally stops laughing.  “You’re so silly, Tom.”

Stephen smiles.  “It’s… no problem at all, you know.”

And with that, Stephen runs a hand over Chad’s shoulder and neck and squeezes the back of it.  Chad feels Stephen pulling his head towards him and he tries to fight it, this cannot be happening, but Stephen pulls harder and Chad can’t do anything but go with it.  Stephen’s face is only inches apart and he can see Tom staring at them, and he can’t get out of it and Jesus Christ he’s gonna have to kiss Stephen, why did he have to agree to come to this fucking cruise in the first place, fuck Jared very much.

Stephen places his other hand on Chad’s face and turns it towards him, and soon he feels Stephen’s lips on his and he can feel his friend trembling.  Chad presses his own lips together and shuts his eyes close, Tom will never believe them, it looks like they are being tortured.  But then, Stephen licks his lips, forcing his tongue inside and he has no option other than open up for him.  Their tongues meet and surprisingly it makes Chad relax a bit, so he lets Stephen kiss him, and it’s like kissing a girl but with a beard and short hair.  It’s not _that_ bad.

They break the kiss but Stephen keeps his arms around his waist.  Tom is staring at them open-mouthed.

“Satisfied?”

Tom stutters.  “Yeah, I... I just thought, you know, it was all so weird and such a coincidence that you’re in the same ship as I am, you know.”

Chad manages a small smile.  “Yeah, small world right?”

Tom nods shortly.  “Yeah, it is. Look, I’m happy for you guys, but I really need to get going now. I’ll see you two lovebirds later.”

And then, just like that, he quickly opens the door and closes it behind him.

Chad and Stephen stare at each other in shock, but before they can say anything or let go of each other, the door that leads to Jared’s bedroom opens.

Jared steps inside wearing only a towel around his waist, his hair still wet.  And Chad wonders if this situation could be any more gay.

“Hey guys, I’m sure I’m going crazy, but I thought I just heard Tom’s voi… what’s going on?”

Jared stares at both of them, with their arms around each other.  And they break apart in an instantly, as though they were caught in the act.

“Oh hey Jaybird, didn’t see you there!”  Chad gives him a nervous smile.

Jared eyes both of his friends.  “What the hell is going on here?”

Stephen takes a step forward.  “You see Jare, there’s a small chance Tom might know Chaddy and I are here.”

Jared frowns.  “And why do you suspect that?”

Stephen shrugs.  “Well, he saw us.”

Jared’s eyes widen.  “What?  So I wasn’t hallucinating and it was really Tom’s voice I heard?  How did this happened?  Does he know I am here, too?”

Chad is the one who answers.  “No Jared, don’t worry dude!  We didn’t say anything about you… for what he knows, it’s just us.  He saw me downstairs when I was on my way back here and I ran.  But he came after me, and when I got here Stephen opened the door, that’s how he knows we’re _both_ here.  Oh and there’s also a small chance he might think we’re a gay couple now.”

Jared chokes for a moment.  “Excuse me?  And why on Earth would he think you are a gay couple??”

“Because maybe we told him that?”

Stephen doesn’t give time for Jared to ask and steps in.  “It was the best excuse we could give him Jare, without telling him you were here.  It was the first thing I could think of and I guess he bought it.”  He chooses to leave the part where he had to kiss Chad out.  “So you’re safe for now, Tom still doesn’t know you’re here.  You still have some time to figure out what to do next.”

Jared nods.  “Okay, thanks for that.  But you know… you guys almost had me fooled there for a second, when I saw you holding each other.”

Chad and Stephen look at each other and then at Jared.  “Seriously?”

“Not really. You guys don’t have gay qualities.”

“Hey!”  Chad shouts and places a hand over his heart as if he’s truly offended.  “I can _be_ gay, you know!”

Jared laughs.  “Whatever you say, Chaddy.  Well, I guess I’ll leave you two lovers to it now.”  And then he tells his friends good night and goes back to his room.

After the door closes behind Jared, Stephen and Chad stare at each other for a long moment, as if considering something, and then they both burst out laughing.

“No fucking way dude!!” Chad exclaims.

 

 

The next day, Jared is at the pool area watching Tom and Mike sitting at a table having some fruits and juices, and is wondering what his next move should be. Nothing he has done so far has worked, they are getting closer and closer to their destination and he’s starting to get desperate. He needs something good, something final, something that will make Tom truly see that Mike isn’t good for him at all.

He’s still watching them and trying to come up with something good when he sees Mike peeling a banana and licking it, teasing Tom.  In that moment something flickers in Jared’s mind.  That scene seems familiar somehow, like he’s having a déjà vu moment.  He tries to concentrate and remember where he has seen that before.

Jared takes a good look at Mike’s face for the first time, and suddenly he knows.  He knew he had seen him somewhere before, but never gave it too much thought. And now he finally put the pieces together.  

He runs up to his room, fires up his laptop and starts his research.  He goes through his library until he finds the right movie.  Jared quickly finds the scene he’s looking for and he had been right.  

There is Mike himself, younger, but definitely him, doing the very same thing he did with the banana earlier, but with another man.  Not to mention it’s a tad more explicit than it had been with the banana, but that’s what happens when you are in a porn movie.

Holy shit.

Tom’s boyfriend was in a porn movie.  Tom’s boyfriend.  Was in.  A porn movie.

Jared smiles at the screen and feels like a kid who just got an early Christmas present.  He just needs to find out how to play with it so it won’t break.

 

 

Jared goes over to Stephen and Chad’s room, and waits for his friends to arrive.  He finally has a plan and he needs Stephen’s skills to help him execute it.  It’s his last shot, if this doesn’t work, he’s pretty much out of options.  

He used his phone to record Mike’s scene and then recorded his own message to Tom.  It was about time for him to know Jared was here anyways.  Now he just needs his friend to put the plan into action.

By the time Chad and Stephen get back to the room, Jared is pacing around impatiently.  When he sees his friends, he let’s out an exasperated “Finally!”

Chad grins.  “Aw Jaybird, you missed us?”

Jared scoffs.  “Yeah, right.”  Then he turns to Stephen. “Dude, I need your help.  I found out Mike was in a porn movie and we need to figure out a way to make this get to Tom.

“WHAT??”  Both Chad and Stephen ask at the same time.

Jared takes his time to tell his friends about his discovery, and shows them the scene Mike’s in.  

Chad lets out a long whistle.  “Dude, that’s crazy!  I would never imagine that dude was into that.  Do you think he still does it?”

“I don’t know dude, maybe, maybe not.” Jared looks at Stephen and notices his friend giving him an odd look.

“Tell me something Jare.  If you subtitle foreign porn movies, how come you have an english spoken one on your computer?”

Jared turns beet red.  “Well, I’ve been practicing the other way around, you know, subtitling in another language, that’s why I have the movie.”

Stephen laughs.  “Sure Jared, sure.”  He clasps his hands together.  “Ok, now getting to business.  What are we gonna do?”

Jared explains to Stephen what he has in mind, and Stephen starts working.

 

 

Once they’re ready, Chad is assigned to go check if Tom and Mike are in their room. When he comes back assuring the guys he heard their voices inside, they set their plan into action.

Stephen had managed to connect his laptop to the TV in Tom and Mike’s room.  He transferred the video Jared recorded with his phone and he’s ready to go.

Jared takes a deep breath and gives Stephen the okay.  And then, Stephen checks to make sure everything is good one last time and presses play.  The video starts playing on his laptop and in Tom’s room, Jared’s face on the screen.

_“Tom, sweetheart… this is for you.”_

And it cuts to the infamous scene of Mike, the guy and the banana.  It goes on until Mike goes down on his knees to suck the guy’s cock.  Jared wonders what is going on on their room, what Tom might be thinking, knowing his beloved boyfriend’s past.

When the video is over, Stephen turns off his laptop and Chad goes over to the minibar to get them some beers to celebrate.  When they are about to make a toast to the brilliance of their plan, there’s a knock on the door.

Jared gets up from where he’s sitting on the bed and when he opens the door, he finds himself face to face with Tom.  They stare at each other for a few seconds, and Jared speaks first.

“Hey, Tom.”

“Jared.” Tom’s face is an unreadable mask and his voice is anything but friendly.

Jared steps aside and Tom walks into the room. Before Jared closes the door, Stephen grabs Chad by his arm.

“I just remembered we have to do something outside, come on Chad.”

Stephen gives Jared an encouraging look and Chad mouths ‘good luck’ before exiting the room.  Jared closes the door and turns to face Tom.  He thinks of something to say, but Tom beats him to it.

“So, I’m gonna assume they aren’t _really_ a couple.”

Jared takes a second to realize what he’s talking about, and then he smirks. “Not really.  They did that for me.”

Tom doesn’t answer.  Instead, he gets a little closer to Jared and the look on his face screams ‘danger’.

“What the fuck are you doing here, Jared?”

Jared scoffs.  “What do you think Tom?  This was our trip, our dream, and suddenly you decide to live it with another person?  I’m here for you, what else would I be doing here?”

Tom narrows his gaze at Jared.  “Jared, why did you…”   

But, Jared doesn’t let Tom finish.  Instead he walks up into his personal space.

“Don’t say anything Tom, please.  I know this may seem like some kind of stupid revenge, but it’s not like that, I swear.  I just wanted to show you who this guy, ‘Mike’, really is.”

Tom scoffs.  “And what about you Jared?  Who are _you_??”

Jared gets closer to him and puts his hands on his face.  “I did what I did to open your eyes Tom.”  He tries to close the small distance between them to kiss Tom, but Tom grabs his hands and pulls them away from his face.

Tom takes a step back.  “Why did you do all of this to prove that you love me Jared??  I don’t understand!”

Jared shakes his head in disbelief.  “Do you know what love is, Tom?  Love is spending five years of your life with a person, giving up on your own happiness so the other person can achieve what they want!”

“I never asked you to do anything for me, Jared.  Everything you did, that was all on you.  You were miserable because you chose to be.  Actually, I think being miserable is your talent!”

Jared frowns.  “What?”

Tom smiles at him but it doesn’t reach his eyes.  It’s more of a pitying-type of smile.  “Jared, please.  When did I ask you to do anything?”

Jared feels tears forming behind his eyes but he refuses to let them fall.  He won’t let Tom have more of his tears.  “I moved halfway across the country, away from my family and friends, for you!  I pushed my dream of writing books aside to support you, to be there for you, to be your husband, Tom!”

“Yes Jared, but, I’ve never asked you to do this.  When I announced I was moving to New York, you came with me because you wanted to.  You pushed your writing to the background and got a pathetic excuse for a job instead, because you wanted to.  Don’t blame me for your failures, Jared.  Those are all on you.  And also, how pathetic do you have to be, to go on a cruise where your ex and new boyfriend are and plot to get him back?  I didn’t know you were _that_ pathetic, Jared.”

Jared shakes his head and runs a hand over his face.  This is not happening.

“Tom…” Jared starts, but this time, Tom doesn’t let him finish.

“And by the way Jared, digging up a porn movie, showing it to me and Mike to try and break us up??  That was low, even for you, Jared.  And just so you know, I already knew about Mike’s past, he told me.  You didn’t have to go all this trouble. ”

“And you think this is normal, Tom??  Really?”

Tom actually laughs, but it’s a cold laughter.  “Who are you to judge Jared?  You fucking subtitle porn movies!”

Jared scoffs at him.  “That’s completely different.”

“Oh really, is it?  Just because you’re not on camera, it’s not just as awful??”

“NO!” Jared shouts.  He’s getting more desperate by the minute.  “I know I have talent okay?  I can be something else!”

“Yes Jared, you proved you have a great talent when you left that fucking movie on my laptop.  That was very classy.”

Jared gasps. He should have guessed Tom would bring _tom_2015_ into the conversation.  “I wanted to do something nice for you, Tom.”  His voice is so low he wonders if Tom even heard it.

Tom laughs again.  “Nice??  You call that nice?  Flowers and wine are nice.  I call that being a fucking slut!”

Jared visibly cringes at that.  He tries his best not to cry, at least not while Tom is still here.  He swallows back his tears and stares at his ex husband.  “You’re right, Tom.  I’m a pathetic slut and a loser.  I have to be, if I’m here trying to get you back.” Jared stops for a second but decides to attack Tom one last time.  He has nothing to lose anyway.  “I hope your new slut of a boyfriend gives you what I couldn’t!”

Tom grabs Jared by his arms and when he speaks, his voice is pure venom.  “You should use him as an example.  He is everything that you will never be.  I love Mike, Jared.  And we are getting married, whether you like it or not!”

Tom pushes him away and Jared doesn’t think twice before slapping him in the face.

Tom looks at Jared, his eyes only slits, before walking past him without saying another word.  When he opens the door, Mike is standing outside.  He looks at Tom and then at Jared, inside the room.

“It was all you??  You did this Jared?”

Mike makes a motion to get in the room, but Tom grabs his arm and pulls him away.  Jared can hear them talking but he doesn’t know what they’re saying.  The door closes behind them and Jared just stares at it for a long moment, feeling numb.  He manages to go back to his own room, lets himself fall down on his bed and finally, the tears he has been holding back so hard, come crashing down.

 

 

Jared isn’t sure how long he spends in his bed, crying and thinking about everything Tom had said to him.  He was absolutely right, he is pathetic.  Beyond pathetic, actually.  He went on a cruise where his ex husband and the new boyfriend were, to go after him and humiliate himself trying to get said husband back.  What was he even thinking?  It seemed like a great idea at first, but now Jared feels ridiculous just thinking about it.  He doesn’t think he can look ever look at himself in the mirror again.

Jared isn’t sure if he dozed off or not, but the next thing he knows, Chad and Stephen are coming in his room through the door that joins both rooms.  Chad sits down on the edge of the bed and Stephen on the couch next to it.

“So Jare… how was it?”  Chad questions Jared.

Jared doesn’t even turn his head to look at his friend, instead just stares at the ceiling.  “How do you think it was?  He humiliated me and he was totally right to do so.”

“Jared…” Stephen starts but Jared interrupts him, this time sparing him a glance. “Look, can we not talk about this, please?  I screwed up big time and I’m aware of it, I’m sorry for dragging both of you into this mess.  I just can’t talk about it right now.”

Jared can see his friends exchanging a quick look.  “Sure Jare, whatever you want man.” Chad says.

Stephen gets up and grabs the remote.  “How about we watch a movie and actually have a beer this time?  What do you say Jaybird?”

Jared considers turning it down, saying he wants to be alone, but again, he could really use both of his friends company at the moment to try and get his mind off Tom and the things he said.  He pushes himself into a sitting position and leans against the headboard.

“Okay, but only if we’re not watching a chick flick.”

Chad grabs them a few beers and Stephen flicks through the channels until he finds _The Departed_ about to start.

“Dude, we’re so watching Leonardo DiCaprio and Matt Damon now.”

Chad laughs.  “Dude, you’re so gay.”

Stephen eyes him.  “Excuse me, I can appreciate a handsome dude and just so you know, I wouldn’t kick Damon off the bed.”

Chad snorts.  “Unbelievable.”

They watch the movie together, Jared has a couple of beers and enjoys the company of his buddies, he likes the movie (Stephen is right, Damon is not exactly hard on the eyes), so he has to admit it was better than staying in his room alone. His friends know him too well.

After the movie is over, Chad and Stephen say goodnight and go back to their room.  Jared takes a quick shower and lies back down on the bed.  And it takes a long time before he’s able to fall asleep.


	7. Chapter 7

** **

 

Next morning, Jared wakes up feeling like shit. It must be a new trend of his or something.  His head hurts and he just wants to stay under the covers forever.  But of course, his friends have other ideas and enter his room full of energy.

“Wake up, Jay! Time to get off this ship!” Chad exclaims.  Jared groans and buries himself deep under the blankets, but Stephen is having none of it as he approaches the bed and shoves them off of him, leaving him exposed in only his boxers.

“Come on Jare!  It’s time to set fire to Rome, let’s go.”

Jared rubs his eyes in confusion, as he sits on the bed.  “What? We’re here already?”

“Yes!” Chad replies.  “And we’ll be here the whole day, come on now!  I’m tired of staying on this ship already.”

Jared thinks for a moment.  He’s so not in the mood to go sightseeing today.  Besides, he knows his friends will go running after Italian chicks and he’s definitely not in the mood for that.

“You guys go and have fun, I think I’ll stay put, thanks.”

Stephen pouts. “But Jared, are you saying you’re going to stay inside your room all day, when Rome is right outside?  Are you joking?”

“I didn’t say I’ll stay inside all day Steph, I’m just not in the mood to go out, that’s all.  Besides, I don’t wanna spoil your fun, I’m not good company today and since I dragged you guys into this, you deserve to have a little fun.  I think I’ll go enjoy the empty ship for once, specially now that I don’t have a reason to hide anymore.”

Chad opens his mouth to protest but Jared doesn’t give him the chance.  “Please guys, I’ll be fine.  I just want to be alone.  Go enjoy your day, for me.  I’ll see you later.”

Both Chad and Stephen share a look and seem to decide it’s useless to try and convince Jared.

“Fine, we’ll bring you a miniature souvenir of the Colosseum, then.” Stephen rolls his eyes at his friend.  Jared smiles at them and just like that, his friends are gone.

 

 

Jared stays in bed feeling sorry for himself for a little while, then decides he has had enough.  Since the ship is probably empty while everyone is exploring Rome, he thinks it’s safe enough to go outside without running into his ex husband or his new boyfriend.

He gets up, washes his face and brushes his teeth, then he puts on some clothes and he’s out of the room.  He stops by the restaurant where breakfast is still being served and gets himself some stuff to eat, since he can’t even remember the last time he had something solid in his stomach.

After Jared’s satisfied (he can’t even eat much at the moment anyway), he walks over to the empty deck and sits down on one of the beach lounge chairs, crossing his arms behind his head and closing his eyes, just enjoying the sun.

Jared isn’t sure how much time passes until a voice startles him.  “And here I was thinking you’d be taking photos of the Colosseum by now.”

Even before Jared opens his eyes, he knows who the voice belongs to.

“Jensen.”

Jared opens his eyes using his hand to protect them from the sun and finds himself staring up at that beautiful face that is Jensen’s. Even though he feels miserable at the moment, he can’t help but smile.

“And here I was thinking that I was the only one left on this ship.”

Jensen chuckles and sits down on the edge of the chair next to Jared’s.

“Well, I’ve been to Rome before and I could use some peace on board for a change. What’s your excuse?”

Jared turns his face towards Jensen and wonders what his excuse should be.

“I wasn’t in the mood I guess.”  He shrugs.

“Have you been here before as well?”

“No, not really.  Never been anywhere to be honest.” Jared replies quietly.

Jensen’s eyes widen. “Are you kidding?  You’ve never been to Rome and you’re sitting here instead of out there running around to visit all the hot spots?  Really?”

“Yeah, I guess.” Jared mumbles.  He is sure Jensen must be thinking he’s pathetic. And well, he can get in line, because there’s already enough people on the ‘Jared is pathetic’ train, himself included.

“Is everything okay, Jared?  Did something happen with your ex?”

Jared lowers his gaze and doesn’t answer.  He doesn’t even know where to begin.

Jensen apparently notices he hit a sore spot.  “Dude, sorry, it’s not of my business.  You probably want to be alone and I’m here bugging you, I’ll go mind my own business.”

Jensen moves to stand up, but Jared reaches out and grabs his wrist, he doesn’t even know why. He does know that he enjoys Jensen’s company and he could really use it right now.

“Stay… I mean, unless you don’t want to, of course.”

Jensen pretends to be annoyed.  “Okay, but only because I have nothing better to do.”

They stay in silence for a while, and it’s good.  Jared finds that he feels better just for having Jensen here, and he wonders if he should say something.  The rational part of him says he should keep his mouth shut, because Jensen will think that he’s a loser too.  But the emotional part of him needs to get everything out, feels that he needs to talk, and right now he can’t think of anyone better to do that with than his new friend.  He prays he’s right and Jensen won’t laugh at him much.

Jared sits up and swings his legs to the side of the chair, mirroring Jensen’s position.  He looks down for a while, trying to gather up his thoughts, and Jensen stays in silence, as if sensing something is coming and giving Jared time to get ready.

Jared takes a deep breath.  He doesn’t know where to start, so he goes with what is on his mind at the moment.

“Tom is right, you know?  About everything.  I am pathetic.”

Jared doesn’t look up to see Jensen’s reaction, but he can hear his friend scoffing.

“What??  What are you talking about, Jared?  Are you crazy?  What happened?”

Jared risks a quick glance at Jensen and sees that he is frowning as he waits for him to elaborate.

“Tom knows I’m here.” Jared explains briefly about the video of Mike and how Tom came over to confront him after watching it.

“I know what I did was childish, but I was desperate Jen, I didn’t know what else to do!”

Jensen tries to hold back a smile.  “Okay I know the situation is serious, but that is fucking funny.”

Jared looks at him with wide eyes.  “You think so?”

“Of course! It’s hilarious dude, wish I had seen their faces. I’ll take it that Tom didn’t like it very much, though.”

Jared lowers his gaze again.  “No, I mean… Tom was pretty pissed and said some stuff.”

Jensen narrows his gaze at Jared.  “What kinda stuff?”

Jared debates whether he should share everything or not.  But again, Jensen makes him feel comfortable, so he decides to go for it.

“You see, Tom, he… he’s a successful guy.  He has his own company, he makes a lot of money and he has his influence.  After we moved to Long Island and he started thriving, he sort of… changed.”

“Changed how?”

“He always made it clear that he was the one with a real job, not me.  Not only with words, with actions, too.  I mean, look at me.  I subtitle porn movies for a living.  Sometimes he’d ask when I’d stop playing around and get a real job, saying that what I did was just a hobby.  He’d say I was endlessly writing a book and thinking that would make me successful someday, but it never happened.  Specially when he had a few drinks, he could be very mean.  I think he was embarrassed of me, you know? But I had pushed my dream aside to focus on us.  On him.  

“Sometimes, when he had business dinners, he would ask me to lie about what I did for a living. He never let me tell anyone what I really did, as if it wasn’t good enough to even be considered a job.  Guess it really didn’t.  Other times, he wouldn’t even bother taking me with him, maybe it was easier.  Guess I wasn’t good enough, I don’t know.  So thinking about it now, I see why he left me for Mike.  He is everything Tom needs, he has a real job and he doesn’t have to hide Mike from his friends. I should have seen it coming, really.  So, to sum up, he is right.  I am a loser, I’m pathetic, I don’t feel like I belong anywhere, and I don’t deserve to be with someone like him.”

Jared can’t meet Jensen’s eyes when he’s finished, he’s afraid what he will find.  He is sure he will see disgust on his face, just like he caught it on Tom’s more than once when he had spotted him working.  

Jensen is quiet for a while, but when he speaks, his voice is low.

“Jared, look at me.”

It takes a while, but Jared finally lifts his gaze to meet Jensen’s eyes. He can tell his friend is pissed.  Great, now Jensen also thinks he’s a loser.

“Jensen, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have…” Jared starts but Jensen holds up a hand and cuts him off.

“Jared, please.  I can’t believe what you just told me.  I can’t believe this dude did this to you. How can he not acknowledge your work?  It’s work like any other!  How could he say and do those things to you?  Did he ever praise something you did?”

Jared shrugs.  “In the beginning, yes.  But lately… rarely.  A couple months before we broke up, I did this thing…” Jared blushes and Jensen tells him to go on.

“Well, it was his birthday.  So, I decided to do something different, you know?  Something I thought he might enjoy, since things were a bit strained between us. So, I recorded myself, touching… myself.  You know, there.  Didn’t show my face or anything, just there.  And I put the link to the video, _tom_2015_ , on the desktop of his laptop, so when he turned it on, it would be a surprise.”

“I take it, that didn’t go over very well.”

Jared scoffs. “That’s an understatement.  We had a huge fight, he said I was reckless, that someone could have seen that, he said it wasn’t something a decent married man would do.” Jared sighs, remembering that day.  “He was right, it was stupid and I shouldn’t have done that.”

Jensen laughs.  “Are you kidding?  I think it’s great!”

Jared frowns at him.  “You do?”

“Of course!  I never got a present like that on my birthday!”

Jared thinks about that. He was pretty convinced that what he did was shitty, something to be embarrassed about, because Tom made it pretty clear.  And now, here is Jensen, telling him he loves the initiative.  For the first time, he can see how different Tom and Jensen are, and how, if he maybe had married someone like Jensen, his life could be a lot different now.

Jensen interrupts his thoughts.

“Look Jared.  I’m sorry to say this, because the guy was your husband and you clearly still have feelings for him.  But, he is a fucking asshole.  Not only that, he is an emotional abusive piece of shit.  He made you believe you aren’t worthy of anything.  He made you believe your job is something to be embarrassed about, when it’s not, it’s a job like any other. He made you believe he was the only one with a job to be proud of.  You gave up your dreams, you left everything behind and moved across the country for him, and he thanked you by making you feel like he was embarrassed of you.  He was married to you and yet made you feel you don’t belong.  This guy is an asshole with a capital A.”

Jared looks at him through his bangs.  “You really think so?”  He never thought about his life from that perspective before.  He always assumed Tom was right, no questions asked.

Jensen holds his gaze.  “Jared, we have known each other for a short while, but I can see you’re a great guy.  You’re spontaneous and outgoing, you’re funny and caring, and I feel very sorry that jackass made you see yourself as anything less.  Don’t ever believe you’re more unworthy than anyone else, please.  You should not be ashamed of your job, or the person you are.  If Tom couldn’t see that, if he thought you were below him, then you’re right when you say you don’t deserve to be with someone like him.  You deserve much more.”

Jared stares at Jensen for a long time. He never even considered this.  For him, he was below Tom and that’s how life was.  To this day, he never thought there was another possibility, that maybe Tom was wrong.  It’s so simple, and yet it blows his mind.

Jared lowers his head, he can feel tears pooling in his eyes, he can’t let Jensen see him crying, or how weak he is.  But it’s hard to control his emotions, the revelation that Tom made him believe he was not good enough, realizing everything he did to Jared, all laid out in front of him, hits him like a ton of bricks.

“God, why didn’t I see this before?  What am I even doing here? Jesus Christ, I’m really fucking pathetic.”  He manages to choke out, not being able to hold back the tears that are now falling down his cheeks.

Jensen gets up and sits beside Jared, putting an arm around his shoulders.

“Hey Jared, stop it.  You are _not_ pathetic, you hear me?  You were simply in love with him and couldn’t see things straight.  You were trying to make your marriage work, that’s nothing to be ashamed of.  I’m just glad you can see now that Tom is the wrong one, not you.  As I said, you are a great guy and Tom is a dick.  And if you let me, I’d be pleased to kick his ass.”

Jared manages to laugh between sobs. “You would get his Armani pants dirty though.”

Jensen laughs and pulls Jared closer to his body.  “Now you made me want to do it even more!”

He waits until Jared has recomposed himself, gets up and holds out a hand to him.

“Come on.  Since the ship is pretty much ours today, let’s not waste it.”

 

 

Jared and Jensen spend a great day together.

With the ship pretty much empty, they make the most of it.  They spend time at the pool, have a small contest of ‘who can eat the most’ at lunch (Jared wins), they hang out at the deck, talking and chilling under the sun (Jensen even gives Jared some ideas for his book).  Later, they spend some time at the casino and then at the bar to have a few drinks.

In the evening, both of them are just walking around the ship aimlessly.  They notice that people are starting to return from their day in Rome and Jared feels strangely relaxed and happy.  He realizes it was the best day he has had on the ship so far, and he hasn’t even spared Tom a single thought since he talked to Jensen about him.  And noticing that leaves Jared in shock.

Jared knows he was a fool for coming to the cruise after his husband, and he regrets that, but he will never regret meeting Jensen.  He really hopes he can stay friends once the trip is over, he feels he needs Jensen in his life.  Once again, he catches himself thinking that in another life, where Jensen was gay, he could definitely fall for him and that they could be perfect for each other.

But only in another reality where Jensen was gay, and _only_ then.

They’re walking through a hallway and talking, when Jared spots Mike and Tom walking towards them.  He doesn’t think twice, the few drinks he had makes him reckless so he shoves Jensen against a wall and presses his lips meaningfully against Jensen’s.  It lasts only a few seconds and Jensen’s lips are just as soft as Jared has totally _never_ imagined they would be.

Jensen stays frozen where Jared has pressed him, and he doesn’t reciprocate the kiss.  Jared slowly realizes he did something monumentally stupid, he just kissed a straight guy who has done nothing but be an amazing friend to him.  

Jared breaks the kiss, spares a quick glance to Tom and Mike who have their heads turned to watch them, and then looks back at Jensen, who’s staring at him with wide eyes. Great, now he really has fucked everything up.  Typical.

“Jensen, shit, I’m sorry, I saw Tom and Mike coming and I just didn’t think…” Jared mumbles, not really meeting his friend’s eyes, but Jensen interrupts him before he can say much else.

Jensen grabs Jared by the waist and pulls his body against his own, placing a hand on Jared’s neck and pulling his face towards him, fusing their mouths together. Jared is the one caught by surprise this time, but he lets himself get lost in the kiss, in those impossible soft lips.  Jensen opens his mouth and licks Jared’s lips, asking for permission and Jared grants access, parting them as Jensen slips his tongue inside his mouth.  And Jared tentatively tangles his tongue with Jensen’s, feeling high on the electricity between them.  But then Jensen deepens the kiss and Jared could swear to God that his knees almost give out.

‘This must be what heaven feels like,’ Jared thinks and it’s followed with the feeling that he could die right now and have gone being truly happy for the first time in his life.  

Yet, deep inside his mind, Jared, knows that something about this isn’t quite right.  So, somehow he manages to break the kiss, even if it’s completely against his will, because Jensen just kissed him. _Jared_.  Jensen willingly kissed a guy.

Jared stares at Jensen, who still has a hand on Jared’s waist and a smirk on his face.

“Aren’t you straight??”  Jared asks, dumbfounded.

“No… I’m pretty sure I’m gay.”  Jensen replies, frowning.

Jared’s mouth falls open with the new information.  “But… but what about the Playboy magazines that were in your backpack?  The one I dropped when we were boarding the ship?  And the girl you were kissing goodbye?”

Jensen stares at Jared confused for a few moments, and then starts laughing.  “No, oh my God, Jared, you’ve got it all wrong… that backpack wasn’t mine, you gave it to me, but it actually belonged to the guy next to me.  And my sister was nice enough to give me a ride to the port, she’s very pretty, people say she looks like me.”

Jared lets that sink in, and lets his mouth fall agape.  “Oh my god, so, you are gay!”

Jensen gives him a small smile.  “Hmm, yeah.”

Jared is at loss for words, he made such a fool of himself and he feels so embarrassed.

“Sorry, I’ve gotta go.”  Before Jensen can say anything, Jared walks away.

Jensen reaches Jared when he’s at the door of his room.  He’s about to insert his keycard when he hears Jensen’s voice calling him at the end of the hallway.

“Jared, wait!”

Jared doesn’t have time to get inside his room because in two seconds Jensen is already standing right by his side, placing a hand on his arm.

“Jared please, what did I do?”

Jared turns to look at Jensen, a mix of confusion and hurt in his eyes.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were gay, too?”

Jensen frowns at him.  “I guess it never came up.  And I thought you knew anyway.”

Jared shakes his head.  “No, I had no idea!  Oh my God, I shared everything with you because I was 100% sure you were straight and now you’re gay and I shared everything with you, oh my God!”

“Jared…” Jensen starts, but Jared interrupts him.

“Jensen please, I need some time to digest everything, it’s a lot to process.  I’ll talk to you soon okay?  I promise.  Goodnight, Jensen.”

Jared enters his room and doesn’t wait for Jensen to answer.

 

 

Jared wakes up the next morning feeling like he hasn’t slept at all.  When he had made his way into his room after saying goodnight to Jensen, he took a quick shower and buried himself under the covers.  He heard when his friends came back, but he had locked the door that lead to their room and when they knocked, he didn’t answer, he wasn’t on the mood to see them.

He spent almost all night thinking about everything that had happened during the course of the day.  He finally saw how wrong his whole relationship with Tom was, how abusive Tom was to him, something he had never realized before.  He felt so stupid for that, for letting Tom treat him this way all these years.  For postponing his dream, for moving across the country with him, all for nothing.

And then there was Jensen.

Jensen who appeared out of nowhere when Jared wasn’t looking to meet anyone new, when he was focusing only on getting his husband back.  Jensen, who slowly became his friend, someone Jared felt comfortable around, someone he could talk to about everything without fear, because to him, Jensen liked chicks so he felt safe with him, because they would only be friends anyway and there was no danger of things going towards other direction.

But now not only did Jared learn that Jensen is also gay, but they also kissed. And Jared swears he can still feel Jensen’s lips on his, the taste of him, how Jensen’s body felt against his own.

Now Jensen is gay and they kissed.  And Jared doesn’t know how he feels about that.  As much as he wants to be, he still isn’t over Tom, despite everything.  They were together for five years and feelings just don’t disappear like that.

But Jensen. Jensen is everything Tom is not, he is pretty much the ‘anti-Tom’. Jensen awakened something inside of Jared that had long since died in his relationship with Tom. More than once, Jared had caught himself wondering what would be like if Jensen wasn’t straight.  Always wondering about how, in another life, they could be a couple.  But now, everything is upside down, Jensen isn’t straight in _this_ life, and they kissed last night.

Now, there’s Tom and there’s Jensen.   And Jared doesn’t have a clue of what to do.

 

 

Jared finally manages to get out of bed, he puts on some clothes and heads for Chad and Stephen’s room.  When he gets in, Chad is getting out of the shower and Stephen is sitting on the bed with his phone in hand.  He looks up at Jared and raises an eyebrow at him.

“Wow, he lives!”

“Seriously dude, we thought you were kidnapped or something.” Chad explains while searching for clean clothes.

Jared scoffs.  “Yeah, I can see how worried you guys were.”

Stephen puts his phone aside and motions for Jared to sit down.  “Dude, you look like shit.  What happened?  Did you and and Tom have another go?”

Jared shakes his head. “No, it wasn’t that, it was actually something I wasn’t expecting at all.”

Jared tells his friends everything that happened the day before.  Because they, more than anyone, deserve to know.  He tells about how Jensen opened his eyes about Tom’s behavior towards him, how Jensen made him see that the things Jared did weren’t wrong, and how they spent the day together, how he managed to forget Tom for a day, and also how he found out in the end that Jensen is pretty much gay when he went for a desperate attempt to make Tom jealous and that backfired spectacularly as Jensen kissed him back.  And how he feels like his brain was put inside a blender.

Chad and Stephen stay in silence for a while, as if digesting everything Jared said to them.  Jared waits expectantly, looking from one friend to the other.  Chad is the one who talks first.

“Okay Jay, first of all, this Jensen dude?  I don’t even know him, but I like him already. Your love for Tom made you blind to the things he did to you. I’m glad Jensen has enough brain cells to make you see all that shit that went on when you two were together, and I hope you know now, that you’re better off without him.”

“If you guys also felt that way, why didn’t you ever tell me?” Jared asks.

Stephen scoffs at his friend.  “Please Jared, you were head-over-heels in love with Tom, if we said how we felt about him you would have told us to fuck off.”

Unfortunately, Jared knows they are right.  He doesn’t even bother answering and Stephen continues.

“And by the way, what are you planning on doing about your feelings for Jensen?”

Jared stares at his friend in shock.  “What the fuck you talking about?”

Both Stephen and Chad actually laugh in Jared’s face.

“Jare, please.  When you were telling us about your day with Jensen, how much he is different from Tom and especially about the kiss, you pretty much had hearts in your eyes. You looked like a fucking emoticon, dude.”  Chad answers, still laughing.

Jared doesn’t answer.  He doesn’t have anything to say.  Truth is, he doesn’t have a clue as to what he is feeling at the moment, and that’s something he definitely wasn’t counting on.


	8. Chapter 8

** **

 

Jared spends most of the day in his room.  He doesn’t want to see Tom or Jensen today, he just needs time to himself.  He only leaves his room to have lunch and he only manages that when lunchtime is almost over, so he doesn’t have to run into anybody. Truth is though, he’s still feeling embarrassed for allowing Tom to treat him that way and never realizing it.  And for never doing something about it.

Later in the afternoon, Chad announces that there’s going to be a presentation scheduled for in the evening, with some dancers and singers and he says they have to go.  Jared isn’t sure at first, but both his friends make it clear that they won’t let him stay in his room all night, just so he can mope.

And with that, Jared decides he has had enough of it too, he has hidden enough.  He will go out, he will enjoy the night with his friends because he fucking deserves it.  And more than that, he wants to have a little fun while they’re still on the ship.  Tom can go fuck himself, if he doesn’t like it.

So, he takes his time getting ready, because he’s spent so much time hiding, that now, he wants to show off.  He decides for a pair of black fitted pants, a white button down with the sleeves rolled up to his elbow, with a dark gray vest on top and a bottle green tie.  He doesn’t want to remind himself that green is Tom’s favorite color, that’s why he chose this particular tie to bring with him, because he was planning on wearing it on a date with his ex husband.  Now, he just wants to be an ass, because he is fucking tired of everything.

When Jared makes his way into his buddies room to see if they’re ready to go, both men stare at him, their mouths agape.

Chad whistles as Stephen exclaims, “Dude, who are you planning on killing tonight?”

Jared laughs.  “Well, if I could have it my way, two dudes would accidentally fall into the deep sea.  But, that’s just wishful thinking, so let’s get going.”

 

 

When they arrive at the theater, it’s only half full.  They choose seats around the middle, and Jared spots ‘the happy couple’ sitting about three rows ahead of them and a bit to the right. Tom turns to say something to Mike and spots Jared when he’s about to sit. They lock eyes for a second but Jared looks away, he’s hurting too much after realizing what Tom did to him.  Jared doesn’t see Jensen anywhere, not that he is looking for him.  Because he is _not_.

Five minutes before the presentation is scheduled to start, the theater is almost full and Jared finds himself a little anxious when he spots Jensen in the row behind him. He’s walking towards where they’re sitting, probably to the only seat available, right behind Jared.  What are the fuck chances.  

When Jared takes a good look at Jensen, he almost drools all over himself.  He’s wearing dark jeans, a black pullover sweater with a V-neck and a light gray button down underneath it.  All Jared can think is JESUS. CHRIST.  And here he was thinking that he was looking good; Jensen is a fucking Adonis.  Jensen totally has no right to be gay too.  Or maybe, just maybe, deep down, Jared is thanking heaven that he actually is.

As predicted, Jensen takes the empty seat right behind Jared.  Great, Jared will totally be able to concentrate on the performance now.  He turns his head to steal a quick glance at the masterpiece that is Jensen tonight and catches the other man staring right back at him.  He feels his cheeks turning pink immediately and gives the man a shy smile and a quiet “Hi”.  Jensen bends forward so he’s closer to Jared’s head.

“Hey yourself.  Long time no see!”

Before Jared can think of something to say, Chad saves him by extending a hand for Jensen to shake.

“Hi, I’m Chad and this is Stephen, we’re Jared’s best friends, but apparently not as important for him to properly introduce us.”

Jensen grins and shakes both men’s hands.  “Nice to meet you guys, heard a lot about you!”

Stephen smirks.  “Right back at you, dude!”

Jared punches Stephen, but before anyone can say anything else, the lights go out and the performance starts, Jensen leans back on his chair.

Throughout the whole thing, Jared can pretty much feel Jensen’s eyes burning holes into the back of his head, but he doesn’t dare to glance back.  He also knows Tom spares him a couple of glances, but he’s determined to not turn his head.

When the show is over, Jared pretty much runs to the exit, not looking at Jensen or Tom, and not even waiting for his friends.  He feels suffocated, like he can’t breathe right, and he just needs to get out of this place, he’s had enough already.

Jared goes into the men’s room since it’s the first place he sees outside the theater.  He takes his time inside, splashes some water on his face and dries it  with a few paper towels.  He takes a few deep breaths so he can get ready to go out and face anything that may be waiting for him there.  

Jared’s looking at himself on the mirror when the door to the bathroom opens, and he’s suddenly staring at the reflection of impossibly green eyes, looking right back at him. For a crazy second, Jared realizes Jensen’s eyes are the same color as his tie.

Jared turns around to face Jensen, who’s giving him a shy smile.

“Hey there… I was wondering where you ran off to.”

Jared shrugs and blushes a bit.  “Sorry, I just needed to catch my breath for a second.”

Jensen takes a step closer.  “I’m glad you decided to do it close to the theater.”

Jared only smiles and looks down, so Jensen goes on.  “So… how was your day?”

Jared straightens his tie so he has something to do with his hands, and Jensen’s eyes follow the movement.

“It was okay.  Basically stayed in my room, just had a lot on my mind.”  There’s no reason for him to lie to Jensen.

“So, how are you feeling now?” Jensen asks.

Jared looks at Jensen again.  “Surprisingly, I’m much better.  Thanks.”

Jensen gives him a lopsided grin.  “That’s great to hear Jay.  So… that means we’re good?”

Jared just cannot resist that face, it’s literally impossible to be immune to those green eyes, so he smiles back at Jensen.  “Yeah, I guess we’re good.”

Jensen’s face lights up immediately, his smile grows miles wider and Jared’s heart warms up a bit.  “That’s great!  So what do you say we go get ourselves a nice dinner, huh?”

Even though Jensen still makes Jared a bit nervous, he just can’t say no to that. “Sounds good.  Let me just try to find Chad and Stephen and tell them.”

Jensen holds the bathroom door open for Jared, and if their arms brush as Jared walks by Jensen, he can’t help it.

Jared spots his friends talking to a couple girls outside the theater.  He walks over to them, nods to the girls and tells the guys he’s going to have dinner with Jensen.

Stephen gives Jared a knowing grin and Chad says, “Dude, he was totally checking your ass out when you were leaving the theater.”

Jared blushes again and looks down, murmuring a ‘was not’, but not sounding too convincing.  He says goodbye to his friends and goes back to Jensen.

They walk to the restaurant in silence, but it’s not awkward, not like Jared had thought it might be.  But that might have a lot to do with the fact that Jared really enjoys Jensen’s company, despite everything.

They choose one of the few empty tables, apparently everyone decided to have dinner after the performance.  Both of them sit down at a round table, side by side. Neither of them say anything about it, they just happen to sit like that.  After taking a quick look at the menu, they order their food and a bottle of red wine, Jensen insists.

When their wine comes, Jensen and Jared make a toast.  Jensen stares deeply into Jared’s eyes, and something passes between them.  The older man drinks from his glass and moves closer to Jared.

“Hey Jay, I needed to share something with you since this night started.” Not waiting for an answer, he goes on, his voice lower.  “You look gorgeous tonight.  I mean, you are naturally gorgeous, but tonight you broke all the records.”

Jared’s eyes go wide and his mouth dries, he blushes for the tenth time, and he wants to laugh and tell Jensen to go fucking look at himself in the mirror, but nothing comes out.  Jensen moves even closer until his face is only inches from Jared’s.  He places a hand on Jared’s face, and runs his thumb over his cheek. Jared leans into Jensen’s hand, he can smell his cologne and it’s fucking amazing.

Jared waits, but before Jensen closes the small distance between them, he whispers into Jared’s mouth.  “Jay, there’s something I need to tell you.”

When Jared opens his mouth to ask what is it, they are interrupted by the waiter.

“Excuse me, gentlemen.” Jensen leans back in his chair and Jared misses the warmth of his hand on his face.  Jensen mumbles a ‘yes’ to the waiter and the man goes on.

“I’m sorry to bother you, but we have no more tables available, would you mind if I accommodate another couple at your table?”

Jensen opens his mouth to protest, but Jared cuts him off.  “It’s fine, no problem.” He answers the waiter and then turns to Jensen and whisper, “We can talk later.”

But when said couple approaches the table and Jared takes a look at them, he is sure the universe is out to kill him. Tom and Mike are standing next to them not looking equally unamused.

“Isn’t that terrific?” Jared murmurs to Jensen, who looks up at Tom and Mike and narrows his gaze at them, a dangerous look on his face.  And if Jensen looks even hotter when he’s pissed like this, Jared so totally doesn’t notice.

There’s an awkward moment between the four of them while nobody speaks.  Then, Tom takes Mike’s hand and turns to leave, mumbling something like ‘not gonna stay here for this’, but Mike stays firmly in place, grabbing Tom’s hand tight and preventing him from walking away.

“No Tommy, why would we leave, that would be so rude.  And also, I’m starving, let’s stay and have a civilized dinner.”

Both men sit across from Jared and Jensen.  Jared can see that Tom is just as uncomfortable as he is, but Mike seems totally at ease and Jensen looks like he could commit a murder right there, but being the gentleman he is, he orders two more glasses.  And when the waiter brings them, he asks him to serve wine to Tom and Mike.

They drink in silence for a while, the tension at the table so palpable anybody could cut it with a knife.  Mike speaks first, turning to Jared.

“So Jared, good job digging out that adult movie I was in, so many years ago.  It’s good that you found a work you’re good at, since you failed at being an actual writer.”

Jared gasps at that, and looks from Mike to Tom.

“Mike, please.” Tom says to him, leaving no room for arguing.

Jensen drinks from his glass and Jared can tell he’s working very hard not to say anything. They sit in an another bout of uncomfortable silence, letting a few  moments pass, and then Tom is the one who finally has enough nerve to break it.

“So, where did you and Jared meet?” He asks, addressing both Jensen and Jared.

“The port.” Jared replies simply.

Jensen agrees.  “Yeah. The port.”

Tom smirks at them.  “So, that means you have not been friends for long.”

Jensen turns to Jared and his expression softens, he gives the a secret smile when he answers, without taking his eyes off the other man.  “Yet.”

Something passes between them once again, and Jared smiles back at Jensen.

Tom looks from one man to the other, seeming taken aback.  “What do you mean, yet?”

There’s a beat of silence, and before anyone can say anything, Mike knocks down the bottle of wine, totally on purpose, spilling its contents on Jared’s lap.  Mike puts his hands on his face and acts like he’s surprised.

“Oh my god, I’m sorry, I get so clumsy when I’m nervous!”

Jared tries to dry off with his napkin, and Tom gets up to help him, leaning in close to Jared.

“I’m sorry.” Tom whispers, staring right into Jared’s eyes.

Mike gets up and throws his own napkin at the table.  “Are you gonna apologize to him, Tom, is that it??”

Jared gets up as well, so he’s on eye level with Mike.  “What is your problem? Insecurity or what?”

Mike gives Jared a knowing smile.  “Oh darling, did you know that I was able to satisfy him in bed in ways you were never able to in five years?  Wanna know how I know that?  He told me.”

Jared looks at Tom and he has an apologetic look on his face, but Jared can’t say anything because that was too much.  He knows Tom is far from perfect but that was low even for him.  Instead of replying, Jared does the only thing that comes to his mind.  He grabs his glass and throws the wine at Tom’s face.

Tom only closes his eyes and accepts it, without saying a word.  Jared turns to leave, Jensen is looking at him expectantly, but he has one last thing to say, so he turns back to Tom, who’s drying his face off with his napkin.

“By the way, Tom.  You should ask your boyfriend what he thinks about my friend Stephen, since he was openly hitting on him at the casino’s bar the other night, while you were standing 30 feet away from him placing a bet.”  He raises an eyebrow at them and walks away, before he breaks down in front of them.  He didn’t mean to use that card, but at the moment he just doesn’t care anymore.

 

 

Jared goes out to the deck without looking back.  His night was going fine, but now he’s sad and he’s hurting because of the damn dinner fiasco and it only brings up the things that Tom has done to him, once again.  

Without realizing, he walks to his and Jensen’s ‘secret’ spot, because he likes it there. He feels so stupid coming here after Tom and after tonight, he wears a brand new level of humiliation. Tom had no right to share their intimate details with his new boyfriend or anyone. There are tears burning behind his eyes and he feels even more pathetic.

Jared stays there alone for a few moments, staring at the sea, when he feels someone approaching him.  Even before he turns, he knows it’s Jensen.  

Jared lets him approach and feels the warmth of Jensen’s hand come to rest on the side of his face, turning his line of vision, until he’s looking into endless green pastures.

“You did great back there, Jay.  I’m proud of you.” Jensen looks at Jared meaningfully.

Jared scoffs at him.  “Yeah, right.  They humiliated me, that’s what they did.”

“That’s bullshit, you totally got back at them.  By the way, what you said about Tom and Stephen was true or were you bluffing?” Jensen asks.

“It’s true, believe it or not.  It was that same day we… danced together.  Mike totally had the hots for Stephen at the casino, he told me.”

Jensen’s eyes widen.  “Woah, that’s just… not cool.”

Jared doesn’t say anything and Jensen steps closer, placing his other hand on Jared’s arm.  Jared puts his hands on Jensen’s chest, and it feels so good, being here with Jensen. And just then, Jensen leans in, eyes on Jared’s mouth, and Jared wants Jensen, god he wants Jensen so much.  He wants to close the distance between them and kiss Jensen again, but tonight, he can’t.

The encounter with Tom and Mike really messed him up, and it wouldn’t be fair to either him or Jensen to do something right now, Jared is not in his right state of mind for this, not yet.  He needs to work out some things with himself first.

So, Jared stops Jensen from getting closer, he looks deeply into his eyes, and whispers “Sorry”.

Jared walks away from him, not daring to look back.  He feels horrible for leaving Jensen behind like this, but he has to, for now. He really hopes Jensen understands.

 

 

Jared takes a hot shower, as hot as he can handle, and he takes his time in there. He only gets out when the water starts to run cold, and dries off.  He puts on clean boxers, brushes his teeth and buries himself under the covers.  He knows sleep will take a while to come, there are just too many things in his mind.  All the things that Tom did to him and are still bothering him, and tonight was just another thing to bat the flame with.

He’s feeling very and truly miserable, but before he can succumb to that feeling even deeper, he thinks of Jensen.  He’s the only good thing that has happened to him lately, Jensen came from nowhere and somehow has changed Jared. He thought he had found a good friend in Jensen, but now he knows it’s much more than that. His feelings for Jensen are new and strong and he has to deal with that on top of everything.

Jared thinks about a lot of things for a long time, and by the time sleep finally comes, he has made up his mind about Tom, and the last thing on his mind before drifting off is Jensen.  And he just hopes that he doesn’t end up getting hurt again.

 

 

Jared sleeps in, and when he wakes up it’s past noon.  He doesn’t usually do that, but he feels better.  After he changes and uses the bathroom, he finds Chad and Stephen, who are waiting for him to go to lunch.

“Dude, I thought you had died or something!” Chad exclaims when Jared walks through the door.

Jared gives him an apologetic smile.  “Sorry, I needed some rest.”

“Oh my god, does that mean you had a long night with Jensen?” Stephen wags his eyebrows excitedly at him.

Jared just shrugs and tells his friends about what happened at the dinner and after it.  There’s no point in hiding it.  Both Chad and Stephen are pissed, of course, and want to beat Tom and Mike up.  But, Jared assures them that he has learned some things, important things about himself and his failed relationship with Tom.  And that it will be okay.

The three of them go to lunch, and after that, Jared tells them he wants some time to himself.  Chad and Stephen leave to go ‘meet people’, and Jared walks over to the bow of the ship.  There are some nice armchairs there, and Jared sits down in one, enjoying the sun and the wind on his face.

Jared stays there for a long time, lost in thoughts watching the sea.  He only startles when someone sits down on the armchair next to him, and when he looks over, it’s none other than Tom.  Just great.  Jared looks back at the sea and waits.  It doesn’t take long.

“Those things Mike said… you don’t believe them, do you?” Tom asks.

Jared has to be strong not to roll his eyes.  “Tom, it doesn’t make the slightest bit of difference.”  He answers without looking at him.

Tom leans forward, resting his elbows on his thighs, turns more towards Jared and takes a deep breath.

“I forgive you.”

This time, Jared has to fight not to laugh on his face.  He definitely was not expecting this angle from Tom.  After a few seconds pass, he finally looks at the man with a frown on his face.  Before Jared can say anything, Tom finishes his thoughts.

“All this mess you created here… I know it’s because you love me.”

Jared frown deepens. Leave it to Tom to make this all about him. Un-fucking-believable.

“So, let me get this straight.  You think _I_ owe _you_ an apology?” Jared asks, slowly. He doesn’t let Tom say anything as he goes on. “Should I apologize for all the things I left behind because of you?  For throwing my happiness in your arms? For postponing my dreams for you?  Should I apologize for believing you were a man you never were in the first place?  For loving you with all my heart, more than I loved myself, is that it? Or maybe I should apologize for blaming you for my failures?”

Neither of them say anything for a while. Jared waits and finally Tom breaks the silence.

“So, I should be the one apologizing to you instead.”

Jared scoffs.  “Tom, you made me believe that being miserable by your side was my only choice.”

Tom looks almost sad.  “Jared, you say those things in a way that it seems like we have never…” Tom stops and pinches the bridge of his nose for a moment, before looking at Jared again.  “Look, I know I owe you a lot of things…”

“You do.” Jared cuts him.  “You do owe me.  But I don’t owe _you_ anything.  Not an apology, not forgiveness.  Thank you for five years of mistakes.” Jared takes a deep breath and smiles.  “Now I’m ready to live the next fifty years with complete happiness. I finally learned what I can actually have instead, and I won’t settle for anything less than that.”

Tom opens his mouth, but nothing comes out, and Jared doesn’t expect him to say anything.  Instead, he gets up, but before walking away, he turns to Jared one more time.

“I’m really sorry for calling you a slut, I went too far.”

The he leaves, Mike is standing a few feet away from them looking extremely pissed, and Jared couldn’t care less.  Tom follows Mike like a puppy and Jared goes back to looking at the sea.  He feels so much better, like a huge weight has been lifted off his shoulders.  It was amazing to finally get all of this off his chest, to make Tom see it was not his fault.  Jared feels really good about himself and he has Jensen to thank for making him see all the flaws of his and Tom’s relationship.

Jared lets himself think about Jensen.  Stephen is totally right, Jared is falling hard for Jensen, he is new and fresh and everything Tom is not and just what Jared needs. And surprisingly, after his talk with Tom, he finally feels ready to try something with Jensen. He really wants to explore what it is between them, and he only hopes that Jensen still feels that way about him too.

 

 

 

Jared walks around the ship for a while and he feels so free.  He takes his time, just watching things he didn’t notice before, when he was busy obsessed with Tom.  He doesn’t see Jensen, but it’s okay. He isn’t in a rush, he’s enjoying himself, he hasn’t done that in such a long time. It was always about pleasing Tom.

Jared goes back to his room and decides to see if Chad and Stephen are at their room.  He finds both of his friends there watching TV, so he decides to spend some time with them. He briefly tells them about his conversation with Tom, and Chad decides they need to of course celebrate with beer, so they do just that while watching some game on TV. Jared feels good. And now he wants to see Jensen.

Jared goes back to his room to get ready for dinner. He hopes he finds Jensen there, so he takes his time.  He chooses dark jeans, a white t-shirt and a black and white unbuttoned plaid shirt on top of it.  He’s always looked good in plaid.  He runs a hand through his hair to try and tame it, but gives up because it’s a lost cause.

Jared, Chad and Stephen go to the restaurant, and when they get there Jared takes a look around and finds Jensen sitting alone at a table in the corner, having a glass of wine. He says goodbye to his friends, who smirk at him, and makes his way over  to Jensen’s table, coming to stand beside him.

“Excuse me, is this seat taken?” Jared asks.

“Yeah, sorry I’m just…” Jensen starts saying, but then he looks up and sees Jared, a huge smile lighting up his face.  “Hey Jay!  Actually I was saving this seat with the hope this guy would join me for dinner tonight.”  He gives Jared a lopsided grin.

Jared shrugs and gives Jensen a meaningful smile.  “Well, if this guy stands you up, maybe I can join you?”

Jensen laughs. “Yeah, I guess it’s too late for him to come anyway, so I think you can have a seat.”

Jared sits down in front of Jensen and smiles at him.  “Hi.”

“Hey yourself.” Jensen grabs Jared’s hand, which is resting on top of the table and gives it a gentle squeeze.  “I missed you”.

Jared’s heart skips a beat when Jensen touches him, and when Jensen removes his hand from Jared’s, he can’t help himself from missing the warmth of it.  Jensen calls the waiter and asks for another glass of wine, then turns to Jared.

“So, how are you?”

Jared smiles again.  “I’m very good.  I talked to Tom today.”

Jensen’s eyes widen.  “Really?  And how’d that go?

“It was great.  It felt liberating, really.  I got it all of my chest, made Tom see he is the one who should be apologizing to me.  I feel so much lighter now, and more free.”

Jensen’s smile is huge.  “That’s fantastic, Jay! I’m so proud of you! I kept my distance today, wanted you to have some space after last night, and I’m so glad you got to find some closure with Tom.”

Jared smiles back at Jensen.  Knowing he is proud of him makes him feel a thousand times better.  He can’t even remember if Tom has ever told him something like that.  But he’s done thinking about Tom.

They both order their food, and while they wait for it they talk more about their day, but it’s much more intimate now, it feels like they are closer, and not just physically.

When the food comes, Jared and Jensen eat in silence, enjoying their meal, but exchanging promising looks.

By the time the table is cleared, Jensen scoots closer to Jared and runs a hand over his face, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear, his face just inches from Jared’s.

“I already told you this yesterday, but we got interrupted, so… here it goes again. You are gorgeous, Jay.”

Jared gives Jensen a shy smile and stares deeply into those emerald-green eyes, and he swears he has never seen anything more gorgeous.  Jensen leans in and presses his lips against Jared’s, very gently.  Jared grabs Jensen’s forearm, closes his eyes and melts under the feeling of Jensen’s mouth on his. Neither of them deepen the kiss, they aren’t in a rush.  Their kiss is perfect, the feel of Jensen’s sweet lips is like being in heaven and everything Jared has always needed.

Jensen breaks the kiss but only to whisper against Jared’s mouth.  “Wanna get out of here?”

Jared smiles and nods. “Sounds like a plan. Have something in mind?” Jared teases.

Jensen presses a kiss on the corner of Jared’s mouth. “I have some ideas.” He mumbles.

Jensen doesn’t wait for Jared to say anything else, he just grabs his hand and leads him out of the restaurant.  Jared can feel Chad and Stephen’s eyes on them, but he doesn’t dare look in their direction.


	9. Chapter 9

** **

 

Jared and Jensen make it to Jensen’s room, their hands clasped tightly, Jensen’s moving back and forth over Jared’s thumb in a soothing manner.  Jared can’t help but steal a kiss outside the door, his chest aching with the need to feel Jensen’s impeccable lips against his own.

When they break their kiss, Jensen fishes his keycard out and fumbles with it a few times, because Jared has latched onto his neck, leaving tiny heated kisses along the length of skin by his throat.

Before opening the door though, Jensen turns to Jared.  “Jay, I really need to tell you something.”

Jared keeps kissing his neck, because he is so not interested in talking right now, it’s not even funny.

“Later,” He mumbles against Jensen’s skin. “We can talk later Jen, please come on.”

Jensen hesitates for only a second, then obliges and pushes the door open. They finally step inside and Jensen closes the door behind them, pushing Jared against it, pressing his body against him, claiming his mouth in a kiss that starts off as sweet, but soon turns desperate. Jensen places one hand on Jared’s face and the other around his waist, pulling him even closer as Jared grabs his neck. Their kiss is hungry and Jared tries to press himself even closer to Jensen, trying to align their bodies so they fit as tightly as they can be, together.  And a need that Jared has never felt before, not even on the countless times he was with Tom, starts to grow inside him, heat moving through his body like molten lava.

Jensen apparently feels something similar, as he presses his body even harder against Jared’s and Jared loses his breath as he feels Jensen’s erection hard against his thigh, his own cock growing harder by the minute and suddenly his jeans feel too tight.  Jensen pulls back from the door and moves Jared with him, removing his plaid shirt and letting it fall on the floor, leaving him with only his white t-shirt.  Then Jensen turns them around, and Jared lets the man lead him as he walks backwards, his mouth never leaving Jensen’s, until the back of his knees hit the edge of the bed and he falls back onto it, Jensen on top of him.

Jensen positions himself with one knee on each side of Jared’s body, leaning down to keep kissing Jared hard and passionately, his tongue exploring Jared’s mouth as his hands run over his torso.

Jared grabs at the hem of Jensen’s shirt and pulls it over his head, tossing it on the floor.  Jensen does the same with Jared’s and they both take their time admiring each other’s body.  Jared has never seen something more beautiful.

Jensen kisses Jared’s neck, bites his ear, as Jared runs his hands over his muscular back, going further down until he grabs Jensen’s ass cheeks, pushing him down until their groins are rubbing together and that friction itself makes Jared shiver.

Jensen kisses Jared’s torso, nibbling his nipples, making them so hard it almost hurts.  He continues to travel south, sucking on Jared’s belly button on the way, and finally he reaches the zipper of Jared’s pants. He undoes it, pulling the pants past Jared’s hips and thighs, and with Jared’s help he removes them completely. Next, goes Jared’s boxers, Jensen grabs the waistband and pulls them down, quickly discarding them among the pile of clothes there, revealing Jared’s hard cock in all of it’s full glory. Jared can see Jensen’s hungry eyes on him, but before he does anything, Jensen’s eyes meet Jared’s.

“Jay… tell me what you want.”

Jensen’s voice is hoarse and low, and Jared has never heard anything sexier.  The question takes him by surprise though, Tom has definitely never asked him what he’s wanted. He just… did it.  Jared doesn’t care about what Jensen will do, he just needs one thing.

“Jen, please… touch me.  I don’t care what you do, but please touch me.”  Jared’s voice is barely a whisper and Jensen grins at him.  He wraps his fingers around Jared’s dick, but his eyes stay on Jared’s.

“You want me to suck you, Jay?  Want my lips around this gorgeous cock of yours? Is that what you want?”

Jared can only moan incoherent things in response, his rock-hard cock twitching and already leaking pre-come, and Jesus Christ if Jensen doesn’t move fast he will embarrass himself.

Jensen apparently takes that as a ‘yes’ as he leans over, his fingers around the base of Jared’s dick, and he tentatively licks up his shaft, sealing his mouth around the head. Jared grabs the sheets and instinctively bucks his hips, the feeling of Jensen’s hot and wet mouth around his cock is something he doesn’t even have words for.

“Jen, oh my _god_ , more, please…”

Jensen obliges, placing his hands on Jared’s hips and pressing him down on the bed, and slides down to take the whole head in his mouth.  Jared watches with half-opened eyes as Jensen cheeks hollow, sucking hard on his cock, head bobbing up and down and his hands playing with Jared’s balls.  

The suction of Jensen’s mouth on his cock is too much for Jared, it’s something new and he feels his orgasm building up inside him.  When he knows he cannot hold it any longer, he tries to warn Jensen, pulling the man’s hair, but Jensen stays in place.  Jared comes hard inside Jensen’s mouth, and the man swallows it all and he seems to enjoy it. Nobody has ever done that with Jared and he feels overwhelmed.

He doesn’t have time to think much more because Jensen is already back at his face again, kissing him hard and Jared can taste something different on Jensen, it’s salty and weird and Jared knows he’s tasting himself.  It’s also new and he finds out it’s hot as hell.  Jensen fucks his mouth with his tongue, hands on Jared’s face, and Jared knows it’s Jensen’s turn now. So he breaks the kiss and fumbles with the zipper of Jensen’s pants.

“Jen, if you just sit on the bed I can…” Jared starts, but Jensen shuts him up with another kiss, and then stares into the Jared’s eyes.

“Jay, you don’t have to reciprocate if you don’t want to, okay?  I want to make you feel good, because you deserve it okay?  So tell me Jay… what do you want right now?”

Jared holds his gaze for a few seconds and how can Jensen even be real?  He reaches out and tentatively touches Jensen’s face, tracing his fingers over his cheek.

“I want…” Jared starts in a low voice.  “You.  In me.  Please.”

Jensen gives Jared a small smile and Jared has never seen anyone so beautiful.

“Are you sure?” Jensen asks.

“More than anything.” Jared replies, giving Jensen a meaningful look.

Jensen watches him for a couple of heartbeats and then leans down to press his lips against Jared’s.  Then he proceeds to remove his own jeans and underwear, kicking them off, and Jared takes a moment to observe. He knew Jensen was out-of-this-world gorgeous but this… he has no words. His mouth starts to water and Jensen notices Jared staring, giving the man a smirk.

Jared blushes, but Jensen wastes no time, reaching into the nightstand and coming out with a bottle of lube and condoms. He sets everything on the mattress and opens the cap, slicking his fingers with lube. Jared spreads his legs apart, and Jensen reaches between them, carefully touching his hole, slowly tracing wet circles.  At the same time as he patiently inserts a finger, Jensen crashes his mouth against Jared’s, sweeping his tongue through his mouth, hungry, wanting.

Jensen pushes his finger deeper inside Jared and damn, it feels so amazing.  When he pulls out, Jared doesn’t even have time to mourn the loss of it, when a second finger comes along and it feels even better.  Jensen scissors his fingers to stretch Jared wider, and then he flexes them just a bit and Jared moans loudly, arching his back, because damn it feels so good. Jensen barely has time to work 3 fingers inside him when Jared is begging, almost incoherently.

“Jen, please… need you now, come on.”

Jensen removes his fingers from inside Jared and wipes them on the sheets.  Then, he reaches for the condom, opening the package and rolling it on his pulsing cock. He slicks it with lube and as he does it, Jared starts turning onto his stomach. Jensen stops him with a hand on his arm.

“No.  I wanna see you.”

Jared slowly returns to his position and Jared swears to himself that Jensen never stops to amaze him.  With Tom, he has never… he definitely doesn’t want to think about him now.

Jared feels the head of Jensen’s cock pressing against his hole, and looking at Jensen’s face he can see a silent question there.  He just manages to nod, not trusting his own voice, and Jensen grabs his hips and starts pushing inside, slowly, so Jared can adjust to the intrusion.  It burns and it hurts a little, but he can feel the pleasure building up inside him, and as Jensen bottoms out, Jared can only moan, because he feels so _complete_.

Jensen gives Jared a few moments to adjust, and when he manages to nod again, he starts moving, thrusting in and out of Jared, setting up a rhythm, and Jared throws his head back because the feeling is too much.  Jensen leans down and kisses the column of his throat, going up until he meets Jared’s mouth, devouring him.

Jared wraps his legs around Jensen’s waist and buries his nails on his back.  He is sweating and his hair is glued to his face, Jensen is going harder and hitting his prostate on every thrust, and Jared feels his dick growing hard against his stomach, but when he reaches for it, Jensen beats him to it and wraps his fingers around Jared’s shaft, stroking it at the same pace as his thrusts. It’s the hottest thing Jared has ever felt and he knows he won’t last long as Jensen moans inside his mouth, his hot breath making Jared lose it, and when Jensen strokes harder Jared instinctively clenches his hole around Jensen’s cock, making the man come into the condom, buried deep inside Jared, his name on his lips. And that is too much for Jared, has him coming right after Jensen, all over Jensen’s hand and their stomachs. Jensen works him through his orgasm, until Jared’s cock is limp again.

Jensen collapses half on top of Jared, both of them sweaty and panting.  And there are so many feelings inside Jared he can’t even begin to sort them out.  Jensen holds his face and places a kiss to his temple.

“That was amazing.” He whispers against his ear, and Jared can’t find his voice.

When Jensen’s soft cock slides out of Jared he feels strangely empty.  While Jensen goes to the bathroom to get a wet cloth so he can get both of them cleaned up, Jared feels he can’t hold it any longer. What just happened between him and Jensen, how it made him feel, is just too much for him to handle.  He tries to hold back his tears, because Jensen will come back and he’s gonna think Jared’s stupid because who the hell cries after having sex?  Only Jared, because he’s stupid.  But the more he tries, the more the tears insist on falling, and by the time Jensen comes back into the room and climbs on the bed, Jared buries his face into the pillow in a lame attempt to hide his tears from Jensen, but obviously he fails.

Jensen tosses the cloth aside and lies down next to Jared, placing a hand on his face and making Jared look at him.  When Jensen see the tears on his face, he frowns.

“Jay?  What’s wrong?  Did I hurt you?”

Jared sniffs and takes a few deep breaths so he can speak again, because right now it feels like his voice can’t get past his throat.

“It’s not you, I’m just being stupid.” Jared chokes out.

Jensen leans closer and wipes away a tear with his thumb.  “If you’re crying over it, it’s not stupid.  You can tell me if you want.”

Jared looks down, tracing a finger over Jensen’s chest, because he can’t face him for this.

“It’s just…” He starts in a small voice.  “You know, Tom was the only guy I’ve been with.  You can call me a sap, but I didn’t want to be with any guy, you know?  I wanted someone who mattered.  And I fell for him.  So everything I did, it was with him.  And up to this day, I thought it was the only way, because I didn’t know any better.  I thought what I felt with Tom was the right thing to feel, I thought that was pleasure, and it was the best it could be, up until now. Jen, I’ve never felt in my life the way I did tonight, I didn’t even know it was possible.  You’re gonna think I’m stupid, but I’ve never even received a blowjob.  I just gave it, and Tom never cared to give it back. When you asked me what I wanted, I was blown away because he never asked.  He just did what he wanted to do and I went along with it.  I never questioned it because I thought I loved him and that it was enough.  But what you made me feel tonight, it’s something completely new to me and I just… I cannot believe I’ve lived like that for so long, I let him use me for his own pleasure for so long… god Jen, I feel so stupid.”

Jared starts crying again and buries his face into Jensen’s chest. And Jensen responds by wrapping his arms around Jared, and just lets the man cry. When Jared’s sobs slow down, Jensen pushes Jared away just enough to place his thumb under his chin and tilt Jared’s head up to meet his eyes.

“Jay, listen to me. I’ve told you this a million times and I’ll tell you again.  You are not pathetic. Please, believe me. You were in an unhealthy relationship and you were too in love to notice.  That’s nothing to be embarrassed about, you are not the first or the last to go through it.  But now, you’re finally free and that’s what matters.  And I’m very proud of you.”

Jared holds his gaze for a long time and smiles shyly.  He can’t believe he met this amazing man at this ship and that they are here together now, it’s way more than he could have possibly imagined.  There’s so many things he wants to say, but he can only manage to let one thing out.

“Thank you.”  And he finds that he has never spoken truer words.

Jensen presses his lips against Jared’s forehead, and he lingers there for a while. Jared closes his eyes against the soft feel of those lips, and he presses his body even closer to Jensen, letting the older man hold him.  

That’s how Jared finally falls asleep, and he’s not aware that Jensen stays up for a very long time before he finally falls into unconsciousness.

 

 

Jared wakes up the next morning feeling sated and happy, and he can’t even remember the last time he’s felt that way.  He hasn’t known Jensen for long, but he knows he’s already head over heels for him. The night they had together only sealed what he was already feeling for him.

Jared reaches out, but the other side of the bed is empty. Opening his eyes, he sees that the bathroom door is closed and he can hear that Jensen is taking a shower.  He stretches lazily and yawns, he feels a little sore in some places but he would do it all over again.  Jesus, he wants to do it all over again very soon.

Jared sits up on the side of the bed, and he feels something under his right thigh. He picks it up, and it’s the bottle of lube they used last night. He opens the nightstand drawer and throws it inside, but before he closes it, something catches his eye.

He takes a picture out of the drawer, and it shows Jensen with his arms around another man, slightly shorter than him, with long hair and blue eyes.  Jared frowns, wondering who the man might be and why the picture is inside Jensen’s drawer.  Jared turns the picture around, and there’s a message written on the back of it.

_“Amore mio, I can’t wait to officially be your husband. I love you!”_

Jared’s frown deepens, he knows this can’t be good, he looks inside the drawer and there’s something else in there.  It’s like a card, and when he reads the words on it, his stomach drops.

_Together with our families_

_Jensen Ackles & Christian Kane _

There’s a date, a few days away.  There’s an address in Venice.  Jensen is getting married and Jared puts a hand on his mouth and his eyes fill with tears, because Jensen is getting married in Venice.

Jared doesn’t have time to process the whole thing any longer because Jensen gets out of the bathroom, with only a towel wrapped around his waist.  He smiles when he notices Jared is up.

“Morning sunshine! I was deciding whether or not I should wake you up.” His smile dies when Jared turns his face towards him and Jensen sees the expression in there.  “What happened, Jay?”

Jared gets up from the bed and shows Jensen what he just found.  “Care to explain what the hell is this, Jensen?”

Jensen’s eyes go wide as he realizes what Jared is holding.

“Jay… I, I can...” Jensen stutters, but Jared cuts him off.

“You’re getting MARRIED?” He shouts.  “I want the truth!”

Jensen lowers his head, not meeting Jared’s eyes.  “Yes.”

This can’t be real, Jared thinks. It’s a sick joke, he hasn’t woken up yet.  Because Jensen can’t be fucking _engaged_ and have been hiding the truth from him all this time.  Jared feels like something is burning inside him, he cannot breathe, this can’t be happening.

“You lied to me.” Jared’s voice comes out broken.

Jensen takes a step closer.  “I’m sorry, Jared.  I tried to tell you the truth, I really did!”

Jared laughs, but it’s bitter. “We’ve known each other for days now, I shared _everything_ with you, my deepest issues, I trusted you, and you didn’t think you should give me this little detail about yourself??  Instead, you let me fall for you, I thought we had something special, but what was I to you Jensen?  One last fuck?  A private bachelor party? You judged Mike for hitting on someone else while he was with Tom, but you did much worse!”

Tears are running down Jared’s face, but he doesn’t care anymore.  Jensen puts both hands on his head, and it’s like he’s on the verge of tears himself.

“No Jay, it’s nothing like this please, you’re so much more than that!  Chris and I, we… we have been together for a couple of years, and a few months back he proposed and I said yes, it seemed the right thing at the time.  He wanted to have a wedding in Venice, a part of his family lives there, and he went ahead to get everything ready and I had to wait because of work.  I decided to take this cruise because I wanted some time to think, work things out inside my head, I wasn’t sure what I was feeling anymore, if Chris was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, I didn’t know what I wanted anymore, I needed to clear my head.  And Chris is so happy, planning everything, I didn’t want to hurt him, I thought those doubts were normal… but then I met you.”

Jared scoffs at him, while picking up his discarded clothes from the floor and harshly putting them on. “Well, I’m sorry I got in the way of your beautiful wedding, nevermind me!”  He throws the picture and the invitation on the bed and rushes to the door.  When he walks past Jensen, Jensen grabs his arm.

“Jared, please.” Jensen asks with a small voice, but Jared shoves him away.

“Don’t touch me!” Jared looks right into Jensen’s wet eyes, and he can almost feel his heart shattering into pieces.  “I really thought you were different, you know, but you’re just the same.  Tom was right, I am _truly_ pathetic.”

Jared leaves the room and pretty much runs to his own, trying a few times to insert his keycard, since he’s almost blind with tears.  When he finally gets into the room he closes the door behind him and falls face first on the bed.

Jared cries desperately until his eyes burn, and he screams into the pillow. This isn’t fair, this can’t be happening, it’s worst than a nightmare. In one minute everything was fine, he was happy, and in the next one everything came crashing down on him.

He hears a noise on the balcony, and when he looks outside, Jensen is climbing over the rail and stepping into the balcony.  He pounds on the closed glass door.

“Jared, open up please!  We need to talk, open this door!”

Jared slowly gets up and walks to the door facing Jensen, who’s still asking Jared to open it. He holds Jensen’s gaze as he closes the drapes on his face, returning to his spot lying down on the bed, but Jensen is still talking.

“Jared, please!  I tried to tell you I swear!  It isn’t like that, lemme explain!”

Jared starts crying again, it’s like someone cut through his chest with a knife and stabbed his heart. It hurts so much and it feels different then the hurt that Tom caused him. And the weirdest part is, he was with Tom for five whole years and he has only known Jensen for a handful of days.  

Surprisingly to Jared, the hurt in his chest is a million times worse than anything Tom could have ever made him feel.

 

 

Jared doesn’t even know how long he stays there, but he just can’t bring himself to get up and function.  He’s too exhausted and everything hurts too much.  How can losing something you never had in the first place, hurt so deeply?

At some point, Chad and Stephen manage their way into Jared’s room.  Chad is already demanding to know what happened the previous night, ‘Spare the dirty details please’, but when Stephen takes a look at Jared’s face, he knows it’s not good.  He asks what happened, and Jared briefly tells them, not trusting himself to get into the details.

Chad wants to go and punch Jensen, but Jared asks him not to, thank you but this is not their business.  He just wants to be left alone so he can mourn his loss.  His friends do as he asks and Jared stays inside his room all day long, with only Chad and Stephen bringing him food occasionally, because Jared himself doesn’t care about it. He doesn’t eat much of what they bring anyway. Jensen doesn’t come after him again, and for that Jared is grateful.  He wouldn’t have stomach to hear the “I’m sorry I hurt you” speech.

When night comes, Jared doesn’t get much sleep, he didn’t expect to.  After falling asleep in Jensen’s arms what seems like a lifetime ago, but it was only yesterday, he feels too alone and cold.  

Only last night everything seemed wonderful, he felt safe and cared for, Jensen listened to him and comforted him, and Jared felt happy, a strange feeling for him.

Now Jared feels worse than he did before.

 

 

They arrive in Venice the next day, the final stop. Jared absently throws his belongings in his suitcase, puts on his sunglasses and baseball cap, and leaves the ship with Chad and Stephen.  He’s thankful the cruise is over, he wasn’t sure he could cope with another day on that ship.  There’s a shuttle boat at the port, waiting to take the three of them to their hotel.  Chad and Stephen get in, and just when Jared is following them, he spots Jensen across the port, and he’s looking at Jared.

Jared gets in the boat, he wants to look away but he can’t. Just then, another man arrives and throws his arms around Jensen. Jared knows exactly who that is, he has seen a picture of him just yesterday. Jensen hugs him back with one arm, and it’s like there’s an invisible hand squeezing Jared’s heart.

As the boat sails, Jared is still looking, and Jensen is still looking back.  But there’s someone standing next to him and that someone will be his husband in a few days, and Jared doesn’t have anything. He boarded the ship with his heart broken because of Tom, and now he leaves it with his heart broken again, now because of Jensen. It’s still a mystery to him how he managed to fall so hard for Jensen in such a short time. Even when Jared still believed Jensen was straight, deep down he already knew he had serious feelings for him. Jared had created a lot of scenarios in his mind for what could happen on this trip, but this… he wasn’t prepared for this, and the worst case scenario he had created doesn’t even compare to this.

 

 

The boat sails through Venice and it’s beautiful, but Jared can’t bring himself to admire it.  His friends are amazed on the other hand, and Jared likes to see that at least they are enjoying it.

The three of them arrive at the hotel they are staying at until the next day before going back home, and after Jared takes a long hot shower, he falls on the bed again wearing only a bathrobe.

Chad stares at him.  “Dude, let’s go out!  You’re not telling me you’re staying inside this room all day long?”

Jared even considered going out with his friends, but he’s in such a lousy mood that he would only spoil his friends’ day.  So he convinces them to go, says he will be fine and tells them to go and have fun.

After they leave (reluctantly), Jared gets some sleep, something he really needed, and when he wakes up a few hours later his body feels a little better.  He watches TV for a while and then he finally decides it’s time to leave the room and go take a walk around town, he is in Italy after all and he has no clue when or if he will ever be here again.

He walks aimlessly for a while, stopping to admire stuff here and there.  Then he decides his life isn’t ridiculous enough as it is and takes a gondola ride.  Yes, he’s doing it alone but he’s in Venice after all and he wants to do it.

Halfway through it, they are approaching a bridge they will sail under and when Jared looks up, he spots no other than Jensen standing on the bridge.  The man also spots Jared, and he takes off his sunglasses to stare at him.  They hold each other’s gaze until the gondola goes under the bridge. Looking at Jensen crushes Jared’s heart again. Everything is still too fresh, and even if it physically hurts, after the gondola passes under the bridge he looks back, and Jensen is on the other side still looking at him.

Jared turns around, he can’t do this anymore. Everything he wants and can’t have is on that bridge, so close and yet, impossibly far away.  Jensen will be a married man soon, he will belong to another person, and Jared will go back home and rebuild his life.  He knows it won’t be easy but there’s nothing else left for him.

 

 

He doesn’t see Jensen again.

Jared, Chad and Stephen fly back to New York the following night.  The flight is quiet, mostly from Jared’s part.  He doesn’t feel like talking, this entire trip was just a waste of time and it only served to leave him feeling worse than he was.  He feels like shit for insisting on coming, and even more for bringing his friends with him.

But Jared can’t say everything was useless.  Jensen showed him things he couldn’t figure out on his own, he made him see how wrong his relationship with Tom was and not because of himself. Jensen showed him there’s nothing Jared should be embarrassed about.

Jared suddenly realizes why it hurts so much. It’s because Jensen touched parts inside Jared that he didn’t even know existed. He lit up parts of Jared’s heart that he didn’t know were there. Jared didn’t know how dark it was until Jensen turned on the light, Jensen showed him how full he can feel, that’s why he feels so empty right now.

They spent only a few days together, but Jensen touched Jared deeply.  He knows now, without a doubt, that he loves Jensen. And that even if he never meets Jensen again, Jared will never forget him, and he will never be the same again.


	10. Chapter 10

** **

 

_**6 months later** _

Jensen gets home from work, grabs himself a beer and sits down on the couch to watch some TV.  He had a relatively busy day, but he has no complaints, because that just means he had less time to think...about everything.

The last few months haven’t been easy, not even close.  

Calling off a wedding isn’t a piece of cake, but he doesn’t regret doing so.  He loved Chris, he really did.  He’s a great guy, they had been together for a while, and they got along just fine, they actually had a great time together. So, when Chris proposed to him, he said yes without ever really thinking about it.  He’s always had a fear of settling down, because he always enjoyed his independence. But he believed it was time to do it, Chris was good to him, so why not?  He really believed Chris was the best candidate and that he was doing the right thing by saying ‘yes’.  And also, it would make his momma stop asking when he would tie the knot once and for all.

Chris was so excited about everything, he told Jensen he really wanted to get married in Italy, where a part of his family still lives, and why wouldn’t Jensen agree?  If it was Chris’ dream, he could do it.

But the entire time, deep down, something wasn’t right and Jensen knew it.  He just couldn’t pinpoint exactly what it was. He knew he should be jumping around with excitement, he was getting married after all, but something was holding him back.  He was feeling anguished, but he tried to suppress it, telling himself he was just nervous, because his life was about to change.  Tried telling himself that it was just cold feet.  

There were so many things he needed to think about, so he decided to take a cruise to Italy instead of flying, so he could have some time to himself, away from work, everything and everyone, to sort things out.  He was sure that by the time he arrived in Italy, he would be completely sure that he loved Chris and that getting married to him was the best choice he could ever make.

But along the way, he met Jared.  And that was something he definitely wasn’t counting on.

Jared who was clumsy, and goofy and ridiculously tall and beautiful. Jensen couldn’t come up with a better adjective to describe him, Jared was beautiful. The first time they talked, Jensen felt something pulling him towards Jared, he couldn’t put his finger on it, but there was _something_ about Jared. Something that made Jensen smile whenever he thought about him, that made him look around the ship to see if he could spot Jared somewhere.

When Jensen danced with him, and Jared pressed himself against him and cried on his shoulder, he felt a deep urge to comfort this guy he barely knew, to make him stop suffering.  He felt so drawn to Jared, it was something he had never felt before and it made him so incredibly confused.

Jensen thought he loved Chris, he really believed it.  It was not the fireworks and roses kind of love he always wanted, the type of love that makes a person feel butterflies in their stomach, but Jensen really believed he loved Chris and that it was enough.  He didn’t even think romantic, Nicholas Sparks type of love existed, it was something that only happened in books and movies.

But then, he met Jared and he started questioning everything he felt.  If Chris was what he really wanted, if Jensen was ready to spend the rest of his life with him.

Because when Jared kissed him, he felt something he had never felt before. He finally felt the figurative fireworks. He had kissed Chris a thousand times, but no kiss had ever compared to that one. He found out he never wanted to stop kissing Jared. The more Jared opened up to him, the more time they spent together, the more Jensen longed for Jared.

When Jared started feeling more confident about himself, Jensen was so proud of him, he felt like it was a personal achievement.  When they slept together, Jensen just knew. In that moment he had feelings he had never felt before in his whole life, a happiness he didn’t know existed.  He knew he had to do something, he knew right there he loved Jared, even though they only knew each other for a few days, he knew it. When Jared broke down next to him, when he cried himself to sleep in his arms, Jensen knew. He lay awake for hours, watching Jared sleep, carding his fingers through his hair, his warm breath on his neck, the connection they shared.  Jensen knew.

He felt like a jerk for cheating on Chris like that, but it was so much stronger than him.  He couldn’t marry Chris, he couldn’t be with anyone else.  He needed this, the person he was holding in his arms, forever. Jensen had come on this cruise to learn things about himself and instead he found everything he didn’t even know he was looking for, he found his anchor.

Jensen had a plan. He was gonna tell Jared everything in the morning.  He knew Jared would be mad at him for not telling him something sooner, but he would try to make Jared understand, and mostly, he would make it clear to Jared that he was the one he wanted to be with, and that he would call off the wedding the second they got to Venice.

Of course the plan went down the drain next morning.  Jensen had decided to shower before waking Jared up so they could talk.  When he exited the bathroom and saw the look on Jared’s face, and what he was holding, he knew it was over.  He tried to explain, but he knew Jared wouldn’t understand.

Jared stormed out of his room, but Jensen still wanted to try and make Jared talk to him.  He knew Jared wouldn’t open the door, so he decided to risk getting himself killed and climbing the rail so he could get onto his balcony. But that didn’t work either.

Jensen felt devastated, Jared didn’t want to talk to him and he didn’t know what to do.  And the worst part was, it was all his own fault for not telling Jared sooner, for letting things go too far. He had cheated on Chris, he was in love with Jared, he had lost Jared and he was still engaged.  His life couldn’t have been a bigger mess if he tried.

He had decided to take a walk around the ship, and ended up at his and Jared’s favorite spot. He cried when he got there, some great moments happened there, and now it was all over. Jensen sat there for hours, he couldn’t recall how many, maybe with the faint hope Jared would come, but of course he never did.

Jensen spent the rest of the cruise inside his room, he wasn’t in the mood for people.  By the time he arrived in Venice, Chris was there waiting for him.  He tried to smile, tried to force himself to be happy to see Chris, but when he spotted Jared at the port, looking at him, he couldn’t do it anymore.  All he wanted to do was run to him and ask for forgiveness, but the look on Jared’s face… he knew he had hurt him too much.  He didn’t even know if he was ever gonna see Jared after this, and he felt his eyes welling up with tears just with that prospect. He took a good look at Jared one last time, hoping to etch him into his mind.

He wanted to break up with Chris right away, but Chris told him his folks were waiting for them at the car. Chris had a whole afternoon planned, they were going to lunch together and then for a walk around town.  So, Jensen had to wait.

It was almost unbearable. He couldn’t even look at Chris, let alone hear him and his folks talking about the wedding and somehow having to pretend to be excited. He really needed to talk to Chris, but he couldn’t do it in front of their parents.

After they had walked around town, they decided it was time to go back home, but Jensen said he was gonna take another walk.  Chris offered to join him, but Jensen asked to go alone.  He needed to organize his thoughts so he could come clean with Chris later.

He was walking over a bridge, when he looked down and saw no other than Jared on a gondola, and his heart skipped a beat. Their eyes locked, and in that moment, the world stopped. He could see so many emotions on Jared’s eyes, longing, love, and most of all, hurt. Jensen had never felt worse in his whole life. Then Jared looked away and Jensen just couldn’t do it anymore. The gondola sailed away and he knew Jared was gone for good.

Jensen cried all the way back to Chris’ home.  He told Chris they need to talk in private, so they locked themselves in his room.  Jensen told him everything, Chris deserved to know. They had been friends before lovers, and he couldn’t lie to Chris.  He told him he had doubts about the wedding from the get go, how he decided to go on the cruise to sort things out inside his head, to see what he really wanted for his life.  He told Chris he had met a guy named Jared Padalecki, who had changed him completely, and how Jensen learned that what he really wanted was Jared.  He also told Chris that Jared found out the truth the hard way and that he didn’t want to talk to him, and it was very likely that Jensen would not see Jared again. But still, he couldn’t lie to Chris anymore. Now that he knew how he could feel, now that he learned that kind of love existed, he wasn’t gonna settle for anything less than that.

There was a lot of crying, Jensen knew he had hurt Chris deeply, but he would hurt him ten thousand times more if they got married. Talking to Chris’ parents and then calling his own was not a piece of cake either.  Jensen was drained, he felt like shit for hurting so many people at once.

Jensen apologized to Chris, and told him that he hoped they could still be friends someday, if Chris was ever ready for it, of course.  He would never push anything, he just gave him his space.  Jensen went to a hotel, and luckily he could book a flight leaving for New York the next morning.  It wasn’t at all cheap, but he didn’t care, he just wanted to leave. He even searched the plane to see if Jared was there by any chance, but he had no such luck.

Ever since he got back home, he buried himself in work.  That’s how he got through the day.  About a couple of months after his return, he and Chris started texting each other on occasion.  He was glad Chris was keeping in touch, he really meant it when he said he wanted them to be friends again someday.  Of course it wasn’t like before, everything was still too raw, but it was a start.

Jensen took time off work and spent a month in Texas with his family, he felt it was something he needed. It was good, being with them again, having his momma cook for him and going fishing with his dad, but he still felt so alone. His family tried to ask him what had really happened for him to break up with Chris days before the wedding, but he couldn’t tell them. It wasn’t exactly a secret, but he felt like he wanted to keep Jared to himself. As if he was a beautiful dream Jensen didn’t want to share with anyone.

Jensen went back to Port Washington, and back to work his ass off everyday.  He tried not to think about how much he missed Jared, how it hurt so much that he felt it deep in his bones. How he had trouble sleeping these days, after that one night he had Jared in his arms, he just couldn’t sleep alone again.

He tried to google Jared’s name a few times, but found nothing that could lead him in his direction.  And even if he found a way to contact him, Jensen wouldn’t even know what to say.  He had screwed up so much, he hurt Jared so deeply, he didn’t feel he deserved Jared after everything. He hoped that somehow, Jared could be over what he did to him and that he would find happiness. He wanted Jared to be happy more than anything. He just wished he could be the one to make Jared happy, because Jensen knew that he would only be happy himself with Jared, and no other.

Jensen gets up from the couch, eyes wet and chest tight because of the memories. He walks to his bedroom and opens the closet door, takes a plaid shirt off a hanger and holds it close to his face.  It is the shirt Jared was wearing the day they slept together, and in his angered hurry to leave Jensen’s room , he left it on the floor.  Jensen kept it to himself, his only reminder of Jared. He can swear it still smells like him, or it’s just his brain playing tricks on him. Either way, it’s his only piece of Jared left.

Jensen goes to bed that night thinking about Jared, as usual.  And of course, he can’t fall asleep and he wonders if this will ever stop or if he will develop an incurable insomnia.

By the time he’s finally dozing off, his cell phone beeps on the nightstand.  Curiosity gets the best of him and he grabs the phone to check it out.  It’s a text from Chris.  Weird.

_“Hi JR.  Look… I don’t even know why I’m doing this, but I feel it’s the right thing to do, I wouldn’t forgive myself if I kept this from you.  So please, do the right thing too."_

There is a link as well, from the local newspaper Chris works at.  Jensen taps the screen and the link opens on the browser.  It’s a small article, and Jensen sits straight up in his bed, heart almost in his mouth when he reads the headline.

 _Valley Stream, NY - Writer Jared Padalecki signs his debut book_ Supernatural _at local book store next Saturday_

Jensen can’t keep reading, his eyes are blurred with tears, he found Jared, he knows where he will be on Saturday, and most of all, Jared wrote and published his book. Jensen feels like he’s been hit by a truck, a thousand emotions overwhelming him.  Chris told him how to find Jared and he just can’t believe it.  He doesn’t even know what to say, how could he ever put it into words?  So he composes himself enough to type back a short message, and he hopes Chris knows how much he means it:

_“Thank you.”_

 

 

It’s Saturday afternoon and Jensen is in Valley Stream, standing in front of the book store, and he’s sweating.  He can see there’s movement inside, the signing having already started, and Jensen is so nervous he can’t even breathe.

After he got the message from Chris and learned about the signing, he obviously couldn’t sleep anymore.  He knew one thing for sure: he had to go see Jared.

The next morning, he barely had a cup of coffee before he was driving to the nearest Barns & Noble to get Jared’s book.  When he located it and held a copy in his hands, his eyes welled up again. He couldn’t believe Jared got this far, that he finally got to publish his book.  Jensen flipped through it, and on the back cover there was a picture of him and it was almost too much to Jensen. It was the first picture he had seen of Jared, the only picture he had of him. He ran his fingers over it, Jared was so beautiful, and he felt so proud of him. Jensen bought himself a copy of _Supernatural_ , because there’s no way he would be able to wait until Saturday to get one.

Jensen spent the next two days buried in the book, he spent all his free time reading it and it was awesome. Jared did an amazing job with his characters and this story. He hoped Jared was planning on writing sequels to it, he would definitely read them all.

So now, Jensen is here and Jared is inside and his stomach is in knots, he’s so nervous.  He doesn’t know if Jared still hates him, if he will be happy or mad to see him.  Well, there’s only one way to know.  It’s now or never.  Jensen holds his copy of the book, with a small message to Jared written on the first page.

He gets inside the book store, and walks over to where the signing session is taking place. There’s quite a few people here for Jared and Jensen is surprised and proud at the same time.  Jared totally deserves it.

When he walks pass some of the small crowd, he finally spots Jared behind a desk.

Except he’s not alone.

Jared is hugging someone.   _Tom._

He is hugging Tom, his ex-husband, and it’s tight and it’s intimate and Jared is smiling.

They have their arms around each other and Jensen’s throat tightens and he can’t breathe and his vision is blurred.  He feels like he’s drowning, and the only thing he can do is get the hell out of there, so that’s what he does, as fast as he can.

Jensen screwed up, he took long enough and now Jared is with Tom again, and he lost his chance.  He can almost feel his heart shattering inside his chest.

Jensen only hopes Tom is treating Jared like he deserves.  The only thing he hopes is that Jared is happy now, it’s the only thing that matters to him, even if it hurts more than anything he ever felt in his life.

 

 

Jared is feeling good. He’s finally published his book, and now all these people are here for him to sign their copies.  He can’t believe this is happening to him.

The last months haven’t been easy.  After he returned to New York from Italy, he was a mess. He was hurting so much because of Jensen, in one moment he thought he had found everything he ever needed in his life and in the next he had it all taken away from him. Yes, he was so mad at Jensen for hiding the truth from him, but most of all, he just missed Jensen.  So much.  Every fucking day.  Jensen was the first thing he thought about when he woke up, and the last one before falling asleep.  Jared missed him like a limb, it hurt physically.

So after he came back, he decided he would finish his book, so he would have something to keep him busy. He felt so much more confident in going after his dreams, and he owed that entirely to Jensen.

Jared already had a lot of his book written anyway, and he had a pretty good idea of what to do next, so it didn’t take him long to get it done.  He sent copies to countless publishers, hoping somebody would be interested in it.  And surprisingly, some time later he was contacted by one of them, saying they had really enjoyed his story, that it was something that would appeal specially to teenagers and young adults.

So now, Jared’s here, signing his new book and it’s unbelievable that people are actually buying and enjoying it, and he gets to do this signing session.  His mom and dad flew from Dallas for the occasion and Chad and Stephen are here as well.

It would only be complete if Jensen was here too.  God, how he wishes Jensen was here.  He quietly wonders how Jensen is doing, if he is happy with his new husband.  It hurts, but he hopes he is.

Someone approaches the desk he’s sitting at, and when he looks up to greet them, he finds himself facing Tom, holding his book. Okay, that one he did not see coming.

“Tom?” He asks, frowning up at him.

“Hey Jared… I came because I just wanted to tell you I’m really happy for you.  You deserve all of this. I mean it.” Tom gives him a shy smile and Jared can’t help but smile back. He doesn’t hold grudges against Tom, he isn’t like that. They had their story, now it’s over and Jared has learned a lot and he grew up a lot as well.

“Thank you Tom.  Really.”

Tom places the book on the desk and he offers Jared his hand.  Jared takes it and gets up as Tom wraps him in a tight hug.  Jared is startled for a second, but then he reciprocates it.  He knows it’s Tom’s way of apologizing, and he can accept it.  He’s glad to see that Tom also changed.

But being this close to Tom, makes Jared realize for sure that he has no more feelings for him. The intensity of his love for Jensen eclipsed everything he might have felt for Tom. If anything, he knows even more now that Jensen is the man he truly and 100% loves. Not that he can do anything about it, but still.

Jared pulls away and pats Tom’s arm. “Glad you came.” He signs the book and hands it back over to Tom, who says goodbye and walks away.

Jared is about to take the next book someone is offering him when Chad rushes past the people gathering in front of the desk.

“Excuse me, excuse me.” He bends down next to Jared and his eyes are almost comically wide.

“What the fuck?” Jared whispers to his friend.

“Jared, are you gonna let him walk away like this?” Chad pants.

Jared scoffs. “Chad I don’t know if you’ve heard, but my story with Tom ended long ago, okay?”

Chad rolls his eyes impatiently at him. “Jared please, who the fuck is talking about Tom?  Jensen just walked out of the door.”

And then, everything around Jared goes mind numbingly silent, because he can’t hear anything else except for the name ‘Jensen’.

_Jensen is here._

And he probably saw him with Tom.  And he misinterpreted it.  Jared gets up and runs to the door, rushing through a sea of people all looking at him strangely, but he can’t care because he is completely focused on one thing and one thing only.  Jensen.   _He needs to get to Jensen._

When he gets outside, the first thing he spots is a cab by the curb, the back door is closing and the driver takes off. Jensen just left. He was there, a few feet away from him, and he just left.

Jared runs after the cab, calling Jensen’s name, but it’s useless, the car is already gone.  He bends over, hands on his knees, and his eyes are tearing up.

“I can’t believe he’s gone,” he says in a whispered exhale.

Chad approaches him and places his arms around his waist, holding him up and walking them back to the front of the book store.

“Sorry Jared, he saw you hugging that asshole and he left.”

“He misunderstood everything, Tom and I have nothing anymore, I can’t believe this is happening.”  Jared cries out.

He lets go of Chad and leans against the wall outside, closing his eyes. “He’s gone again and I lost the opportunity to talk to him.  Jesus, I have so many things to say to him…”

“Jared…” Chad asks.

Jared turns to face his friend.  “What?”

Chad shrugs.  “What exactly would you say to Jensen?”

Jared sighs. He doesn’t need to think a lot to answer this question.  “I would say thank you. For everything he did for me.  For opening my eyes and making me see things from a different perspective, for making me into a better person. I would tell him those days we spent together were the best of my life and that I think about him everyday. That I miss him every second of everyday, and that I wish he was here today. I would let him know I don’t hate him. That I thought I loved Tom, but I learned what love really is when I met him. And I know we only spent a few days together, but I know he’s the love of my life. And that I know we can’t be together, but I’ll never forget him as long as I live.  And that I really hope he’s happy.  I just want Jensen to know that.” When Jared finishes he’s crying, and Chad probably thinks he’s the most ridiculous person on the planet, which maybe he is, but he doesn’t care right now.

“I think Jensen would like to know those things, too.”

Except it’s not Chad who speaks.

Jared would recognize that voice even if he lived a thousand years.

He slowly turns around, afraid he imagined it, and he finds himself face to face with Jensen.

_Jensen._

Jensen’s eyes are also red and wet, but his smile is so huge Jared is surprised he hasn’t eclipsed the sun.

“Hi Jared.” Jensen’s voice is raw and it carries so many emotions that more tears spill from Jared’s eyes just from listening to it.  He tries to get past the lump in his throat and find something coherent to say.

“It… it wasn’t you in the cab.”

So much for being coherent.

Jensen chuckles.  “No… it wasn’t me.”

Jared can’t believe Jensen is standing here in front of him, it looks like a dream and he wants to jump on him, but he has to know something first.

“Where’s Chris?”

Jensen’s smile doesn’t falter. “Well, the last time we spoke, he told me where and when I could meet you.”

Jared frowns.  “What??”

“Yeah, there’s the small fact that I didn’t marry him.” Jensen grins at Jared.

And Jared thinks he’s hallucinating, he’s not that lucky.  “What?”

“I couldn’t do it, Jay.  As I told you that day, I thought I loved Chris, I was afraid to settle down, but I thought it was time to.  So when he proposed I thought it was the right thing to do.  But I had too many thoughts in my head, that’s why I took the cruise to Italy instead of a plane, so I would have time to sort things out.  I thought I was just getting cold feet, that I was gonna realize I was doing the right thing. But then I met you and everything changed.  I felt something for you I never thought I could feel, I didn’t know it existed, that it was possible. You just said you thought what you felt for Tom was love until you really felt it, and I tell you the same thing.

“You changed me, Jay.  I felt awful for not telling you the truth, I was just afraid of losing you.  I was going to do it the morning after we slept together, I was going to tell you and call off the wedding so we could be together, but you found out first.  I felt like the worst asshole of the planet, and after I saw you on the gondola in Venice I just couldn’t do it anymore.  I broke up with Chris right after that, even if I couldn’t have you anymore, it wasn’t fair to go on with the wedding plans, not to him or myself.  I was never gonna be happy with him, and I won’t be happy with anyone else.  I miss you so much too, everyday, and I’m sorry for hurting you so much, but I came here to ask you to forgive me, to say I’m very proud of you and to ask you a question.”

At this point, Jared can’t speak anymore.  There are so many tears running down his face he almost can’t see Jensen straight.  This is surreal, it’s like a movie, this can’t be happening, it’s too good to be true.  He’s afraid Jensen is gonna disappear if he looks away.  He tries to process everything Jensen said to him, that he didn’t get married because of him and that he also missed him.  His brain tells him he’s supposed to say something.

“What question?” His voice is hoarse and low.

Jensen holds up the Supernatural book he’s holding, and hands it to Jared.

“Open it.”

Jared takes the book from Jensen’s hand, his own hands shaking as he opens it and reads the short message on the front page:

_Pick me?_

If Jared could feel his heart breaking when he lost Jensen, now he can definitely feel it becoming whole again, and if it’s possible, it’s getting so big it could explode at any second.  This isn’t a dream.

He looks at Jensen, who’s staring back at him expectantly.  Instead of answering, he does the one thing he’s being dying to for the past 6 months, he throws himself into Jensen’s arms so hard that Jensen has to hold both of them up, and showers his face with kisses, murmuring ‘yes’ between them.  Jared finds Jensen’s mouth then, and presses his lips against his. Jensen tastes salty because of the tears, he also tastes like he remembers it, and god he missed it so much, it’s like he can finally breathe again after all this time.

Jensen puts a hand behind Jared’s head and deepens the kiss, licking Jared’s lips and making the man open up for him, which Jared happily obliges.  The feeling of their tongues tangled, Jensen exploring his mouth, their bodies pressed together, gives Jared life again.

Jensen pulls away just enough to murmur “I love you so much” against Jared’s lips, and he can only smile. They hug each other tight for a long time, neither of them willing to let go, and Jared buries his face on Jensen’s neck, taking in his scent, murmuring “I love you too”.

When they break apart, Jensen places a hand on Jared’s face and stares at him, Jared holds his gaze and smiles back.  There’s nothing to be said really, there aren’t words.

“So…” Jensen breaks the silence. “What does a man have to do to get a book signed around here?”

Jared actually laughs at that. “Well, I’m afraid you’ll have to wait in line, Mister.”

Jensen shrugs as he puts an arm around Jared’s shoulders and they walk back inside the book shop. “I’d wait forever for you if I had to.”

Jared places a kiss on Jensen’s temple, and he doesn’t even have to answer, Jensen already knows it.  They are done waiting.


	11. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

 

_**One Year Later** _

Jared is at Barnes and Noble, the one in Manhattan next to Madison Square Garden. And he’s signing his book.  He can cross this one off his bucket list now.

His new book just came out, after the success that was the first one.  The publisher was right, it was a hit among teens and even adults, he just couldn’t believe it.  So he decided to make it a trilogy, it was his initial idea anyway.  The one he’s signing today and has been working on the last months is called _Supernatural and Beyond_ , and he’s already outlining the last one, _Supernatural Forever_.  It’s hard work but it’s worth it.

And the best part is, this time Jensen has been by his side through it all.

_Jensen._

The best year of his life was the past one, and all because of Jensen.  He makes Jared happier than he ever thought it was possible. What they have is the total opposite of what he had with Tom.  Instead of only giving and never getting back, Jensen is his equal.  They mutually respect each other in all aspects, and they are each other’s biggest supporters.

In the first months of their relationship, they pretty much only saw each other on weekends, since Jensen worked all week and they would drive up or down to see each other (or sometimes during the week when they were missing each other too much they just couldn’t wait). But about 6 months ago, Jensen asked Jared to move in with him.  He didn’t have to think much, he really hated to be away from Jensen during weekdays, he wanted to be with him all the time.  And also, there was nothing keeping him in Valley Stream. Yes, he really learned to love the city and Chad and Stephen were there, but it was literally a 30 minute drive so he’d still be close. And also, he worked from home and he could really use a fresh start away from the house he lived with Tom, so there was nothing to think about, really.

So he packed his stuff and went to live with his boyfriend in a new town.  It was the best decision he ever made.  He still can’t believe he got Jensen, that Jensen chose him and that they make each other happy and complete.  It’s Jared’s personal fairytale.

Today, his family is all here for the signing, Megan and Jeff flew from Texas too to share their brother’s success.  Jensen’s parents came as well and that makes Jared really happy. Also his loyal friends, Chad and Stephen are here because there was no way they would miss it.  And of course, Jensen is here too, by his side, looking at him like he’s the proudest boyfriend in the world.  

There are a lot of people there and Jared can’t focus on anything but smiling at everyone and signing for a long time.  By the time the session is finally coming to an end, he looks around but his boyfriend is nowhere to be seen.  He vaguely recalls Jensen telling him he was going to the bathroom but that was like half an hour ago.

There are only a couple of people waiting in line and Jared digs out his phone, typing _‘where are you?’_ to Jensen while talking to them and signing the books.

He taps the screen to send the message when someone tells him there’s one more person to see Jared before the signing is officially over.

When he looks up to greet them, he finds himself facing Jensen.  He chuckles.

“What are you doing Jen, where were you?”

Jensen smiles at him. “Well, I want my autograph too.” But he doesn’t give Jared his book, instead he hands him a magazine.  When Jared takes a closer look, he sees a picture of them on the cover.  He frowns.

“Jen, what is that?”

Jensen gives him a smug smile.  “Why don’t you see for yourself?”

Jared flips through the magazine, and it’s the story of Jared and Jensen.  There are countless pictures of their first year together, on several different occasions, and with the pictures, their whole journey is written down, from the moment they first saw each other when they were boarding the ship until now.  Jared quickly reads through it, he will take his time when they are alone, and his eyes are wet by the time he reaches the last page, he can’t believe Jensen went through all this effort, this is just amazing. It’s their story.

There, in the last page, there’s a small message.

_There aren’t words to explain how much I love you, and how amazing this year has been with you by my side, and I’m looking forward to all the years we have waiting for us. You make me the happiest man in the world, I finally learned what love truly is because of you.  Remember one year ago when I gave you a book with a question written inside? Today, I want to ask you another question._

Jared looks at Jensen questioningly, but the man remains silent, an expectant look on his face. Jared looks back at the magazine and closes it. In the back cover, there’s indeed a single question printed, enough to make Jared’s throat close up.

_Will you marry me?_

Jared stares at the question for a long moment, a myriad of emotions going on inside him.  He looks up at Jensen again, who’s smiling and crying at the same time, and god how he loves him.

It feels like his heart is about to explode as he gets up and walks around the desk so he can be face to face with his… fiance.  He throws himself into Jensen’s arms, pressing a kiss on his lips.  He places both hands on Jensen’s face, as he breaks the kiss and presses his forehead against the other man, looking into his wet eyes.

“It’s the thing I want the most in my life.”

They kiss again, and Jared can hear people shouting from far away.  They stop the kiss again to look at everyone.  Jared finds himself facing their families and friends, all with expectant looks on their faces.

“He said yes!” Jensen announces, and everybody cheers, coming close to congratulate them.  Jared’s smile is so big his face might break soon, he seriously doesn’t think he can be happier than this.

Actually he can, when he officially become Jared Padalecki-Ackles.  Then, he will be totally complete.

Jensen leans close to him and murmurs into Jared’s ear. “You know… for our honeymoon we should go on a cruise.”

Jared laughs and whispers back. “That’s a deal, but with two conditions.  Only the two of us this time.  And to anywhere but Italy, please.”

Jensen smiles at him and Jared will never get used to how gorgeous Jensen is.

“Deal!”

The truth is, Jared doesn’t regret anything.  Not even the time he spent with Tom, that made him grow.  And more importantly, he’s also grateful to Tom because if it wasn’t for him, he wouldn’t have gone on that cruise, and he never would have met Jensen.  Jared truly believes that everything happens for a reason and they were meant to find each other.

Both Jared and Jensen were lost, trying to find their way and figure out who they were. Both boarded that ship for different reasons, and they ended up finding everything they had no idea they were looking for.

They found their love, their strength, their biggest source of support, their anchor.

And for the rest of their lives, they will never be lost again.

  
**THE END**

** **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The idea for this fic came to me around one year ago, and it's based on a brazilian movie called "SOS Mulheres ao Mar". When I watched it, I thought it would make a great J2 AU. Then a couple of friends convinced me to give it a try. I started it but stopped for a few months, and I kept making excuses not to go back, then my dearest Wifey (who is also my beta) convinced me to sign up for the Big Bang so I'd have a motivation to finish it. So I thought 'why not?', and here we are now. I spent countless nights working on this fic and I can say I fell in love with it, it's like my child. It's the second J2 fanfic I write, but the first one I take 100% seriously. At first, I didn't think I'd finish it on time or that I'd meet the 20k words required for the challenge, and I did both (with words to spare). I can't even begin to say how happy I am to be publishing this story. It was also a big challenge because english is not my native language, and being able to write a story this size in another language is a big thing for me.
> 
> I was gonna only thank my Wifey Karri for what she did for me, but instead I'm gonna dedicate this fic to her. If it wasn't for her, this story wouldn't exist, she convinced me to write it, she convinced me to go back to it, to sign up to the BB. I came to her a LOT of times for ideas, how I could make a scene better, or even help to create a whole scene altogether, and she was always there to help me. I asked her to beta my fic because how could I ask anyone else to do it? I feel this fic is like half hers too, because of the big part she played in it, and I can't thank her enough for doing all she did for it. And also, I wanna thank her for coming up with the title for the fic, which fitted perfectly and set the tone for the story.
> 
> And I wanna thank my dear friends and everyone who helped and supported me one way or another throughout all the (long) process. Also, a big thanks to wendy for doing this challenge and the amount of work she puts into it, and also my artist evian_fork for choosing my story, creating amazing pieces and for being such a sweetheart, it was a pleasure working with you!
> 
> I added some bits of personal stuff to the story here and there, I chose to have Jared living in Valley Stream, NY because first, it was easier to have him living in the East Coast so he didn’t have to take a plane or anything to get to the port. And I lived in Valley Stream for a short while and those were quite happy days, so it was a perfect match. There’s also other stuff here and there but it’s irrelevant.
> 
> So thanks for reading it, I hope you enjoy it and feedback is very much appreciated!


	12. Special Art

 

Comissioned lovely art by [quickreaver](http://quickreaver.tumblr.com), a Christmas present from my Beta and Wifey [Karri](http://samcentric.tumblr.com)


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